B i o g r a p h y
 (by Stephen Thomas)

Erlewine Alanis Morissette (b. June 1, 1974, Ottawa, Canada) was one of the most unlikely stars of the mid-'90s. A former child actress turned dance-pop diva, Morissette transformed herself into a confessional alternative singer/songwriter, in the vein of Liz Phair and Tori Amos. However, she added enough pop sensibility, slight hip-hop flourishes, and marketing savvy to that formula to become a superstar with her third album, Jagged Little Pill. Morissette was born and raised in Ottawa, Canada. In her childhood, she began playing piano and writing songs. At the age of ten, she joined the cast of You Can't Do That on Television, a children's television program. Using money that she earned on the show, Morissette recorded an independent single, "Fate Stay With Me," which was released when she was ten. After leaving the show, she concentrated on a musical career, signing a music publishing contract when she was 14. The publishing contract led to a record deal with MCA Canada.

In 1991, she moved to Toronto and released her debut album, Alanis. Alanis was a collection of pop-oriented dance numbers and ballads that was successful in Canada, selling over 100,000 copies, and leading to a Juno Award for Most Promising Female Artist. However, no other country paid any attention to the record. In 1992, she released Now Is the Time, an album that closely resembled her debut. Like its predecessor, it was a success in Canada, even if it sold half of what Alanis did. Following the release of Now Is the Time, Morissette relocated to Los Angeles, where she met Glen Ballard in early 1994. Ballard had previously written Michael Jackson's hit "Man in the Mirror," produced Wilson Phillips' hit debut album, and worked with David Hasselhoff. Despite the duo's mainstream pop pedigree, they decided to pursue an edgier, alternative rock-oriented direction. The result was Jagged Little Pill, which was released on Maverick Records, Madonna's label.

On the strength of the single "You Oughta Know," Jagged Little Pill gained attention upon its release in the summer of 1995. Soon, the single received heavy airplay from both alternative radio and MTV, sending the album into the Top Ten and multi-platinum status. The second and third singles from Jagged Little Pill, "Hand in My Pocket" and "All I Really Want," kept the album in the Top Ten. In early 1996, she was nominated for six Grammys. Shortly after the nominations, Morissette released her fourth single, "Ironic," which proved to be her biggest crossover success. Morissette won several Grammy awards in 1996, including Album of the Year and Song of the Year. Her much-anticipated follow-up, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, was released in the autumn of 1998. An Unplugged set appeared a year later, and in 2002 Morissette released Under Rug Swept. So-Called Chaos followed in 2004, and one year later she took Jagged Little Pill on the road as an acoustic tour, also released on CD.



Just click HERE for the Part 2 of Alanis Morissette Lyrics



Alanis
- 1991 -

Feel Your Love
Too Hot
Plastic
Walk Away
On My Own
Superman
Jealous
Human Touch
Oh Yeah
Party Boy


Now is the time
- 1992 -

Real World
An Emotion Away
Rain
The Time Of Your Life
No Apologies
Can't Deny
When We Meet Again
Give What You Got
(Change Is) Never A Waste Of Time
Big Bad Love

Jagged little pill
- 1995 -

All I Really Want
You Oughta Know
Perfect
Hand In My Pocket
Right Through You
Forgiven
You Learn
Head Over Feet
Mary Jane
Ironic
Not The Doctor
Wake Up
Your House


Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie
- 1998 -

Front Row
Baba

Thank U
Are you still mad
Sympatheric Character
That I Would be Good
The Couch
Can't not
UR
I was Hoping
One
Would not come
Unsent
So pure
Joining You
Heart of the House
Your Congratulations

 

MTV Unplugged
- 1999 -

You Learn
Joining You
No Pressure Over Cappuccino
That I Would Be Good
Head Over Feet
Princes Familiar
I Was Hoping
Ironic
These R The Thoughts
King Of Pain
You Oughta Know
Uninvited

 

Under Rug Swept
- 2002 -

21 Things I want in a Lover
Narcissus
Hands Clean
Flinch
So Unsexy
Precious Illusions
That Particular Time
A Man
You owe me Nothing in Return
Surrendering
Utopia

Feast on scraps
- 2002 -

Fear of Bliss
Bent 4 U
Sorry to myself

SisterBlister
Offer

Unprodigal daughter
Simple together
Purgatorying

So Called Chaos
- 2004 -

Eight Easy Steps
Out Is Through
Excuses
Doth I Protest Too Much
Knees Of My Bees
Not All Me
So-Called Chaos
This Grudge
Spineless
Everything
 

Flavors Of Entanglement
- 2008-06-10 -

Citizen Of The Planet
Underneath
Straitjacket
Versions Of Violence
Not As We
In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man
Moratorium
Torch
Giggling Again For No Reason
Tapes
Incomplete
Havoc and Bright Lights
- 2012-08-27 -

Guardian
Woman Down
Til You
Celebrity
Empathy
Lens
Spiral
Numb
Havoc
Win And Win
Receive
Edge Of Evolution
Will You Be My Girlfriend ( Bonus Track)
Magical Child
( Bonus Track)

 

Add some NEW lyrics (B-sides, live tracks, Cover), want to CORRECT some of them or found a BUG ? Just send a little EMAIL or simply post a message on the FORUM. Thanx !


Alanis

Feel Your Love

Baby, I've got this thing for you
I'm thinkin' there's somethin' goin' on now
A wicked imagination
A serious lkind of somethin' new
It's drivin' me right out of my mind now
It's gotta be desperation
Can't feel no pain when I'm thinking about you
Dreamin' isn't black and white
Can't make no gain 'til my vision c-comes true
Give it to me like I'd like to give it to you

Chorus

Love I wanna feel your love
Right from the bottom of my heart to your hands
(now baby now) Love I wanna feel your love
You know this waitin' for you boy I can't stand

Bein' just who you wanna be and doin' whatever comes to mind now
I gotta get information
Never knew what to do with you
You're givin' me sometin' to hold on to
My newest infatuation
"People Power" means I gotta believe you
Can't you hear the voices callin'
Keep your flowers cause their colour will turn blue
Give it to me like I'd like to give it to you

Chorus
Love I wanna feel your love
Right from the bottom of your heart to your hands
(now baby now) Love I wanna feel your love
You know this waitin' for you boy I can't stand

Chorus

Too Hot

Chorus:
Always too hot never too cold
You make your best shot too hot to hold
Never too young Never too old
You gotta go for gold

Hey boy you wanted all or nothin'
Lose the apprehension baby
And go with the flow cause you know you've got
Stand up if you want the answers
You need to blast 'em straight up baby
So say what you mean and you mean to say now

Hey you don't have to go and prove it
You just go ahead and do it
Your time is for the takin', makin'

The best of what you got now

Chorus

Don't care what they say about ya
You never throw a hero party
For those who oppose who you chose to be now
Maybe you could feel the power
It's like a bomb inside your head that blows if you're
slow when you go to use it
You, you gotta show them that you mean it just go ahead and scream it
And show them what they're missin' listen
To what your heart could tell ya

Chorus

You gotta go for gold and you'll make it baby
Gold! And when you're there you gotta
Throw your hands in the air
And wave 'em like you just don't care
Reachin' teachin' practice what you're preachin'
Throw your hands in the air
And wave 'em like you just don't care
Movin' provin' everything you're doin'

Chorus

You, you don't have to go and prove it
You just go ahead and do it
Your time is for the takin' makin'
The best of what you got now
Always too hot
Never too cold
Give your best shot
Go with the flow cause you know you've got to

Chorus

Plastic

You got a plastic name and a plastic heart
You can play the game or you'll never start
I'm talkin' to you
You got a plastic house and a plastic fence
Gotta look around or you'll lose your friends
Am I gettin' through?

You got a plastic girl in a plastic bed
And she's in your house made of gingerbread
And you're in there too
Got a plastic smile on a plastic face
But it's underneath that you can't erase
But what can you do-do-do?

Chorus
Say Love-it's not that hard after all
(tell me what I want, what I wanna hear)
When everybody does
Say Love-it's gonna tear down the walls
(tell me what I want, what I wanna hear)
if everybody loves

You live in a plastic dream through a plastic card
But reality you don't disregard
You know that it's true
You got a plastic goal in a plastic life
Gotta search your soul gotta make it right
And here's what you do-do-do

Chorus

Wake up in the morin'
Some are not sleepin' tight
A matter you've been ignorin'
Why can't you just say it?
Will not wait forever
Can't you see I'm right
I want you to endeavor
To tell me again and again!

Chorus

Walk Away

A downtown cafť Saturday evenin' and the
place is about to be closed I'm meeting my baby
yeah and order my hundreath cup of coffee today
My hands are shakin'

At half past seven I'm sittin here waitin' for
my boy all alone for too long It's after eleven
yeah I'm tired of waitin' and I'm gonna go home
'Cause I don't need this

You never think twice before you break all the rules
You gotta be crazy if you think I'm a fool

Chorus
I'll walk away and say good bye
If you don't want me anymore
I've bot my pride
I'll walk away and say good bye
if I don't get the love we had before not satisfied

He finally gets here I'm waitin' for him to ask me
why there's a frown on my face He orders a
cold beer he has an excuse about his car
breakin' down but I don't buy it
You're givin' me sometin' I don't need anymore
Just gimme the word and I'll be slammin' the door

Chorus

His best intentians are never the same as what
he does of the end of the day. I'm feelin' the
tension yeah Don't gimme no reasons cause you
don't comprehend what am I feelin'
You never think twice before you break all the rules
You gotta be crazy if you think I'm a fool
You're givin' me somethin' I don't need anymore
Just gimme the word and I'll be slammin' the door

Chorus

So tell me now Just say the word
It won't be long
I'll be long long gone...

On My Own

Why do I feel it's all up to me to see that
everything's right and it's how it should be
Why don't they just leave me alone
I've got to prove I can
Little girl with stars in her eyes they've
got her all figured out and there's nowhere
to hide why can't they all see who I am
when will they understand

It may take some time they don't know how
it feels because they can't read my mind
They always say I'm too young and they
feel they should help me
But I can make it all alone out here on my own

Every day I feel so in demand and all I
wish I could find is a place I can land
One day I'll feel comfort inside cause I'll
know who I am

I can hold the line if I know in the end
that I won't be left behind I don't regret
what I've done I don't think you can blame me
Now I'm standin' all alone out here on my own

I'm not thinking 'bout leavin' home
But I need to be on my own
Doesn't mean I have a heart of stone
I won't even ask them why
I can't ever let them see me cry
Here I'm standing all alone out here on my own...
out here on my own

Feeling lost in a world full of lies
I can't help thinkin' that love is just
passin' me by Hold on to what I believe
and keep an open hand

Can I have it all if there's no one to
turn to when I stumble and fall
Is there a secret I need because no one
has told me-all alone

It may take some time cause I know
how it feels to have a lot on your mind
I'll never feel all alone cause!
Know that I have me
Now I can make it all alone out here on my own

Superman

I'm lookin' for someone who can made me feel
A serious love like Juliet's is real
A little impulsive and a boy at heart
A little bit shy but he'll be oh so smart

Superman I need a superman

You got a complicated girl like me
He's gotta be fair and treat me properly yeah
I want him to understand equality
You gotta Keep searchin' everywhere in the world
You gotta keep lookin' or you'll miss the feelin'

Chorus
You gotta be tough to make it today who
You do it your way and not how they say
You'll find him somewhere
You gotta be tough to make it today who
And never be scared of finding your way
to Superman

Should I call him on the telephone
Should I go seem him or just stay at home
will be different from the other boys
if I could find him I'd be overjoyed

Superman where are you Superman
Whenever it seems like everything's on the line
You gotta keep lookin' or you'll miss the feelin'

Chorus

With all the other boys I never knew
what it took to make a choice
When he's mine I'm gonna stop
all my changin' around now
Between the two of us there'll be
enough goin' on that's serious
I can't wait 'til I can stop
all my lookin' around now

I found my Superman I found my Superman

Whenever it seems like everything's
on the line you gotta keep lookin' or
you'll miss the feelin'

Chorus

Jealous

Make sure she's alright
She just can't wait to party
She'll make it look so easy
Why won't you listen to me
Yeah

Jealousy-some girls have it rough oh baby
Loyalty-why is that so tough, the trust is gone

Chorus
Jealous don't you know your girl is jealous
She can't help but be suspicious
Can't you see, that girl is jealous
So better make it right

Cruelty-it's easy for him to be
Fallacy-you're out on a limb for him

Conspiracy Anxiety she just can't wait to party
Strategy totally she'll make it look so easy
Loyalty disagree why won't you listen to me
Fantasy Novelty she will be free

Chorus

Jealous-it's no fallacy
Jealous-she doesn't trust you much
Suspicious-so baby can't you see that girl
don't trust you much make sure she's alright

Chorus

Human Touch

Give me what I'm askin' for
Stop bringin' me down or I'll slam the door
You're getting out of line with the Beverly Boys
You start makin' the moves they start makin' the noise

You know you're not getting lucky
livin' the life because you're movin' to
the jungle and paying the price
You're livin' right along with the
New Brady Bunch

Have your people call my people and let's do lunch
Reaction to the actin there's more to me than human flesh
I've had enough distractions I need some tenderness

Chorus
Human Tough I gotta know it's real
I'm tired of people sellin' their sex appeal
Human Touch I need human love
no imitations of oh baby

A bird in the busy is worth two in
the street-you know the kind of people
never want to meet you're sitting really
pretty in your swimming pool with your
rock 'n roll tan you keep thinkin' you're cool

You know you can't reach Jesus on your
portable phone he ain't speakin' to the people
in their Hollywood homes with a toot
in your snoot and your loot to boot
you don't even give a hoot about the
minds you pollute

Lookin' for deceptions there's more to me
than human flesh I'm finding new
directions I need some tenderness!

Chorus

I'm lookin' for the real thing there's more
to me than human flesh I'm gonna
stop at nothin'

Chorus

Oh Yeah

My name is Alanis. I'm a white chick singer
the drums are a-smokin' and so's the bass
Shake your thing
When you sing
just sixteen
no disco queen

I'm a white chick singer I've seen the world I've got
a lession for you I'm your teacher girl
Two words you'll be hearin' will
shake the earth so repeat after me
No need to be rehearsed

Chorus
Oh yeah

My name is Alanis I'm just sixteen so
please gimme a break I'm no disco queen
Just hear what I'm sayin' you don't
wanna miss I got a message 4U and it
goes like this

Chorus

Ride my train
Go insane
your teacher girl
rules your world

Now don't overdo it when you shake your thing
cause you'll be goin' insane when you start
to sing
Without special training an amateur
Could be a casuality case if they sing
these words

Chorus

Yo-Ah Yo-Ah
Wo-oh Yeah!

The drums are a smokin' and so's the
bass they keep on pumpin' a groove and it'll melt your face
Comon' everybody and blow your mind
Because you'l never escape these 2
words of mine
HA HA HA AH...

Party Boy

You're love ain't enough-OW!
You're just a party party party boy yeah
oh baby
You're just a party party party boy!

>From the moment I walked into your life
I knew right then it was a serious
thing for you

I got a kick out of your party friends
After a while I found a holiday, overdue
Who completely away from you
Oh baby your love ain't enough-OW!

Chorus
Party Boy You're just a party boy
Ain't no time for sleepin' cause you're misbehavin'
Party Boy You're just a party boy
Wake up soon and open your eyes
the time has come to see the light

It took me long enough to realize
That all you give me is a really big broken heart
And I remember how it used to be
There was a time when we could never be
torn apart and now I wish that we could make a staart
You know I gave you all my love-OW!

Chorus

This world of yours turning upside down
Goin' up and down like a merry-go-round
A rumor goin' on right across the town
Why can't you see it?

I gave you love like you never knew
And you're givin' me nothing but an attitude
And now I'm gonna give a bit of solitude
I'll miss you baby oh...
Misbehavin'-now I'll mis ya

Ow! Your just a party party party boy
yeah oh baby
You're just a party party party boy!
I've got to say to you so you listen
Hey Boy A-Good Bye!

Chorus

Now Is The Time

Real World

We play the game with determination
We don't give a dam 'bout our reputation baby
It's not a game, it's a revelation
Step inside the real world
The real world...yeahyeahyeah... The real world...yeah...

It's been every day now, and it just won't go away now...no
Life is so intense now, not much common sense now yeah
And late in the night I turn out my light yeah
A song in my head, and it says "STEP INSIDE THE REAL WORLD"

Chorus
We play the game with determination
We don't give a damn 'bout our reputation baby
It's not a game, it's a revelation
Just another day in the real world...yeah, the real world

I can make decisions with no one else believin' me
I just look inside me 'cause I've got my own voice to guide me
It came in a dream, a light so extreme yeah
A voice in my head, and it says "STEP INSIDE THE REAL WORLD"

Chorus

Ya gotta step inside the real world STEP-IN-SIDE-THE-REAL-WORLD
I woke from the dream, I know what it means yeah
That voice in my head...It says "YOU'RE HERE INSIDE THE REAL WORLD"

Chorus

Step inside the real world, inside the real world, step inside the real world... (Ad-lib)

An Emotion Away

I had high expectations
It's something I could not compromise
And when I saw you I wasn't ready
It completely took my heart by surprise

Who...And when I think of the time I med you
The situation looked harmless
It wasn't long before I got confused enough
And soon I realized that your...

Chorus
Love is just an emotion away
I know it's gonna get to you
Love will be only a moment away
A moment away you know it's true

Lately the way I'm feeling
It's something I could never have planned
I knew that one day I'd find a love thing
Now I'll never stop believing in chance

I put my heart on a shelf forever
I never thought I would find you
I didn't know any better baby
But then I realized that your...

Chorus

Love is crazy love love is crazy and soon you're gonna get some (Ad-lib)

Rain

It was the night Rod Stewart played
And we were, were standing in the pouring rain
If I had known it was the last time I would see you again...
I would change everything...

I look through the broken glass I watch the storm go through my mind
There's so much I had to say I know the words I left behind
And now I'm caught in a daydream with nowhere to run and hide
The world rushes by me, it's leaving me here all alone
(I would change everything, but I can't do anything
I would give all that I have to know where you are)

Chorus
I'll always carry you inside my heart and you
You'll never know how much I wonder where you are
I always knew that you would take a part of me away with you
And I never got to say good-bye

I look in the mirror now and all I see is yesterday
At night I hear your voice and it is calling out my name
And with every hour just hold on to what you can
They're lost in a moment and fading away in the night
(I would change everything, but I can't do anything
I would give all that I have just to know where you are)

Chorus

...and I never..ever...said good-bye...

That night is just a memory
But I still feel you standing next to me
And when I think I hear your voice all I hear is the RAIN...

The Time Of Your Life

Standing there on a road that leads to anywhere
Like a child left in the wilderness, standing there penniless
Wanting to be the best

Here's a place where life runs at a different pace
Where love is just convenient, none are obedient
And we are subservient

Look at me, I'm a girl that some may preconceive
Why do they try and generalize, why are they antagonizing me
But something I can't control that...

Chorus
I WANTCHA
You know I'll never stop 'til I've GOTCHA
You'll never be quite the same when I ROCK YA
I'm not the kind of girl that you thought I was
You'll have a good time 'cause I WANTCHA
I'm breaking down the walls 'till I have you, feel you
Show you the time of your life

Here we are and I wonder how we've come this far
In a world that does not recognize women are victimized
What does that symbolize

Why do I want the things I usually criticize
It may be self destructiveness, or maybe it's emptiness inside
But something I can't control that...

Chorus

You'll have a good time...
It's a lonely road, and no one knows the way that I feel
I'm not giving up now... I'll never try to justify
They'll never understand, you'll be a happy man
You'll have the time of your life

It's something, it's something, it's something that I can't control
The time of your life...

(repeat)

No Apologies

Whenever we talk about sun all I see is the rain
It's like looking for tears in a ocean
I'm hearing your words like the wind
They blow straight through my heart
Will you ever give in to emotion

And we hurt the ones that we love the most
Why we do only heaven knows
And I don't know why I'm still holding on...holding on

Chorus
I reach in my heart to see
If your love is alive in me
But now I feel alone
My feelings turn to stone
My heart makes no apologies

When an apology's made it isn't always enough
To erase all the past in a moment
Whenever I need you the most
You always leave me behind
With a word from your lips I'm alone

You've been blind not to realize
All the love that I hold inside
So tell me why do I keep holding on...holding on

Chorus

What I need is your sympathy
Like a light flowing into me
But I will never give up holding on...holding on

Chorus

...my heart makes no apologies no no
my feelings turn to stone... I make no apologies

Can't Deny

It's late at night and no one's around
And only my heart is making a sound
I lay awake alone in my bed
And I can't sleep should I call you instead

I think of you far too much 'cause you, you're one of a kind
I'm not like an open book
'cause I've got something in mind

Chorus
You know I can't deny the way I feel inside
I won't be hiding my love
You know I can't disguise you're always on my mind
And now I can't get enough

Give me love, I know that you can
I like the strength of a confident man
It's in my blood and all through my veins
You feel it once and you're never the same

Whenever I close my eyes you're there. I feel it inside
But why am I holding in my love, I can't tell you why

Chorus

I think of you far too much 'cause you, you're one of a kind
I'm not like an open book 'cause I've got something in mind
You know I , you know I, I can't deny
Every day you're always on my mind
You know I , you know I, I can't disguise
Can't deny the way I feel inside

Chorus

When We Meet Again

We said good-bye with so much left to say
We knew inside we'd find another way
We'll have it all, it's not too late to try
Maybe you and I could go from here
Maybe you and I can make it, this time we'll...

Chorus
Fall in love when we meet again
We can finish what we started
Fall in love if we try again
And then nothing will keep us apart

We're not the same as when we first began
We'll try to change, we'll take another chance
Maybe you and I could work it out
Maybe you and I can make it, this time we'll

Chorus

I see your face, it's always on my mind
A time and palace we almost left behind
This time we'll fall in, this time we'll...

Chorus

Give What You Got

You've got to give it all to baby
You know I want it all for me
I wanna get to know you baby
Is that a possibility

Hey, you're my man, I'm your woman
And I'm not too proud to tell you what you do to my head
I'm not kiddin'
You've got everythin' that any girl would want, yes you do
You're just wishin'
Well it's time you know the truth and that is
When you are beggin' me for money
Just got to tell me what you need
But if you want my lovin' buddy
You've got to get down on your knees

Chorus
You've got to give what you got and take what I'm givin' you baby
You've got to want what you see and see what I'm givin' away

Hey, stick with me, I'm your momma
And you can run to momma every time your skin you knee
No one ever,
Could ever take your place, the way you move makes me hot
Let me tell you,
You won't be satisfied without me

You've got to give it all to baby
You know I want it all for me
I wanna get to know you baby
Is that a possibility

Chorus

(Change Is) Never A Waste Of Time

I knot there's a reason you're forcing a smile
You hide what you're feeling and you have for a while
I can tell that you're falling
And you feel that you can't go on
But a new day is calling
And you'll see that the feeling is gone

Chorus
You know you're not the only one
Who has a lot to overcome
And when the time has come then you move on
'Cause you've been crying for too long
Sometimes life is so unkind
But change is never a waste of time

I know how you're feeling, I've been there before
The hurting is something much to strong to ignore
Don't be waiting for someone
Who can take all your fear away
When there's no one to listen
That is when you should not be afraid

Chorus

But change is never a waste... it's never a waste of time

Big Bad Love

I'm having dreams in the night of you baby
And Sigmund Freud would have thought I was crazy
I wonder why you've become an obsession
All I know is that I need to have your big bad love
Big bad love (3k)
You keep on lovin' and lyin'
You've turning me into a fool babe
But I'm not screamin' or cryin'
There's better things we have to do baby

It takes a lot for me to truly believe
That you could love me unconditionally
And I'm terrified of taking a chance
If you're not ready to believe in romance

Who...I wonder why I am so unrelentless
There's nothing that I can do to prevent this
And the dream I am not apprehensive
All I know is that I need to have your...

Chorus
Big bad love
I need a love with an attitude
Big bad love
The only kind that I want from you
Big bad love
I need it from you so urgently
Big bad love...need it baby yeah yeah yeah

I'm not avoidin' your lovin'
'Cause I can afford to be blue babe
I keep on pushin' and shovin'
I can't get enough out of you baby

I don't believe your blood is bad to the bone
'Cause then you're different when we're here all alone
And if you knew the game I wanted to play
Now would you say the words I want you to say ...who

I'm am so relentless...I can't prevent this... I am not apprehensive
All I know is that I need to have your big bad love
(Ad-lib)


Jagged Little Pill

All I really want

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate

I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it

There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance

Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary

I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy

And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature yeah

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around

Why are you so petrified of silence
 ('Why am I so petrified of silence' on the acoustic Album version)
Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction

And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength

And all I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...

You Oughta Know

I want you to know that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on your in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're sill alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

*** Thanx a lot to Ivan who corrected a mistake on this one ***

Perfect

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem, why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect

Hand In My Pocket

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
But I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends, yeah
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

Right Through You

Wait a minute man
You mispronounced my name
You didn't wait for all the information
Before you turned me away

Wait a minute sir
You kind of hurt my feelings
You see me as a sweet back-loaded puppet
And you've got a meal ticket taste

I see right through you
I know right through you
I feel right through you
I walk right through you

You took me for a joke
You took me for a child
You took a long hard look at my ass
And then played golf for a while

Your shake is like a fish
You pat me on the head
You took me out to wine dine sixty nine
But didn't hear a damn word I said

I see right through you
I know right through you
I feel right through you
I walk right through you

Hello Mr. Man
You didn't think that I'd come back
You didn't think I'd show up with my army
And this ammunition on my back

Now that I'm Miss Thing
Now that I'm a zillionaire
You scan the credits for your name
And wonder why it's not there

I see right through you
I know right through you
I feel right through you
I walk right through you, you

Forgiven

You know how us Catholic girls can be
We make up for so much time a little too late

I never forgot it, confusing as it was
No fun with no guilt feelings
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests
I'll see you next Sunday

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

I sang Alleluia in the choir
Alleluia, alleluia, Alleluia
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man

My brothers they never went blind for what they did
But I may as well have
In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son
I had one more stupid question

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

What I learned I rejected but I believe again
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

We all had delusions in our head
We all had our minds made up for us
We had to believe in something
So we did

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did
So we did, yeah, so we did

You Learn

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
I recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

Swallow it down ( what a jagged little pill )
It feels so good ( swimming in your stomach )
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free

Throw it down ( the caution blocks you from the wind )
Hold it up ( to the rays )
You wait and see when the smoke clear

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out ( the way a three-year-old would do )
Melt it down ( you're gonna have to eventually anyway )
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Head Over Feet

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now, I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

Mary Jane

What's the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day
As you place the don't disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore

It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it

I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane
What's the point of tryin' to dream anymore
I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for

Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading

Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears

You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
You're the last great innocent
And that's why I love you

So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry

Tell me, tell me
What's the matter Mary Jane
Tell me, tell me
Please be honest Mary Jane
Tell me

Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic, don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damned life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice"
And isn't it ironic...don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
('And then meeting his beautiful husband' on the acoustic Album version)

And isn't it ironic, don't you think
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

Not The Doctor

I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air

I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be your mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door

Visiting hours are nine to five and if I show up at ten past six well I
Already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom you see it's
Too much to ask for and I am not the doctor ( and i'm not the )

I don't want to be the sweeper of the eggshells that you walk upon
I don't want to be your other half I believe that one and one make two
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face at midnight
Hey what are you hungry for

I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through a vicarious occasion
Please open the window

Visiting hours are nine to five and if I show up at ten past six well I
Already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom you see it's
Too much to ask for and I am not the doctor ( and i'm not the )

I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart and its wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
Well, what do you thank me
What do you thank me for

Visiting hours are nine to five and if I show up at ten past six well I
Already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom you see it's
Too much to ask for and I am not the doctor ( and i'm not the )

Wake Up

You like snow but only if it's warm
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you, to you

You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
And you sit, and you wait, to receive
There's an obvious attraction
To the path of least resistence in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistance
Could make you try tonight

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you
There's no love no money no thrill anymore

There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand

But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you

Get up get up get up off of it
Get up get up get up off of it
Get out get outta here enough already
Get up get up get up off of it
Wake up

Your House

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell

Walked down the hall into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here
Without permission
Shouldn't be here

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
Went through your drawers and I found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your CD's
I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long
You might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter than sat on your desk
It said "Hello love,
I love you so, love,
Meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon

Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

Front Row

I know he's blood but you can still turn him away
You don't owe him anything

Do you go to the dungeon
To find out how to make peace
With your days in the dungeon

Writing a letter to you
Didn't make me feel any more peaceful
Than how I felt when we weren't speaking
Because I didn't cop to what I did
I can't love you 'cause we're supposed to have professional boundaries
I'd Like you to be schooled and in awe
As though you were kissed by God full on the lips

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
 
I'm too tired to recount the unpleasantries one by one
One minute i want to banish you the next i want to be on
A deserted island with you along with my three favorite cd's ambivalent yet in your bed
We've yet to acknowledge what really happened

Slid into the ditch
I have this overwhelming loss of ambition
We said let's name thirty good reasons
Why we shouldn't be together
I started by saying things like "you smoke"
"You live in new jersey (too far)"
You started saying things like "you belong to the world"
All of which could have been easily refuted
But the conversation was hypothetical I am totally short of breath
For you why can't you shut your stuff off

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
 
And I laughed until my lungs hurt I love how you bust my chops
You don't always feel seen sometimes you feel erasable unfortunately
I cannot reciprocate in my current state
I think we should be careful of how much time we spend together

For a while while I'm speaking
You know how much you hate to be interrupted
Maybe spend some time alone
Fill up your proverbial cup so
That it doesn't always have to be about you

I've been wanting your undivided attention
I like the fact that you're nothing like me
Are you not burdened by the lack of
Perspective people have of your charmed life seemingly

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
 

You never meant to be ungrateful nor held up to be whipped or wept
For certainly not analyzed prodded at more ways than one
Apparently you've been misrepresented dealing
With the concept of arrows being slung towards your outrageous fortune

Hey I'm not mad at you guardian
I'm mad at myself for spending so much time with you and your Jeckyl and hydeness
I'm glad i figuratively slapped you on the wrist
You laughed a wicked laugh and said "come here let me clip your wings!"

I know he's blood but you can still turn him away
You don't owe him anything

"Raise the roof" he yelled "yeah raise the roof!" I yelled back

Unfortunately you needed a health scare to repriortize

No thanks to the soap box
Having me rile against them won't make an ounce of difference

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up

Oh the things i've done for you many a stitch a friend a man's been left for you
Oh the books i've read for you the tongues i've bitten for you many
A new city for you many a risk taken for you (not a single regret

Baba

I've seen them kneel
With baited breath for their rituals
I've watched this experience raise
Them to pseudo higher levels
I've watched them leave their families
In pursuit of your nirvana
I've seen them coming to line up
From switzerland and america

How long will this take, Baba?
How long have we been sleeping?
Do you see me hanging onto every word you say?
How soon will I be holy?
How much will this cost, guru?
How much longer till you completely absolve me?

I've seen them give their drugs up
In place of makeshift altars
I've heard them chanting
Kali kali frantically
I've heard them rotely repeat your
Teachings with elitism
I've seen them boasting robes and
Foreign sandalwood beads

How long will this take, Baba?
How long have we been sleeping?
Do you see me hanging onto every word you say?
How soon will I be holy?
How much will this cost, guru?
How much longer till you completely absolve me?

I've seen men overlooking god in
Their own essence
I've seen their upward glances
In hopes of instant salvation
I've seen their righteousness
Mixed without loving compassion
I've watched you smile
As the students bow to kiss your feet

Give me strength all knowing one
How long 'til enlightenment?
How much longer 'til you
Completely absolve me?

--Chanting--


** Thanx a lot to Rafael for this one **

Thank U

How 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
How 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
How 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
How 'bout that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How 'bout me not blaming you for everything
How 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
How 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How 'bout grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How 'bout no longer being masochistic
How 'bout remembering your divinity
How 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How 'bout not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you Providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence

Are You Still Mad


Are you still mad i kicked you out of bed?
Are you still mad i gave you ultimatums?
Are you still mad i compared you to all
My forty year old male friends?
Are you still mad i shared our problems
With everybody?

Are you still mad i had a an emotional affair?
Are you still mad i tried to mold you into
Who i wanted you to be?
Are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions?
Of course you are
Of course you are

Are you still mad that i flirted wildly?
Are you still mad I had a tendency to mother you?
Are you still mad that i had one foot out the door?
Are you still mad that we slept together even after
We had ended it?
Of course you are
Of course you are

Are you still mad i wore the pants most of the time?
Are you still mad that i seemed to focus
Only on your potential?
Are you still mad that i threw in the towel?
Are you still mad that i gave up long before you did?
Of course you are
Of course you are


Sympathetic Character

I was afraid you'd hit me if i'd spoken up i was
Afraid of your physical strength i was afraid
You'd hit me below the belt i was afraid of your
Sucker punch i was afraid of your reducing me
I was afraid of your alcohol breath i was afraid
Of your complete disregard for me i was afraid
Of your temper i was afraid of handles being
Flown off of i was afraid of holes being punched
Into walls i was afraid of your testosterone
I have as much rage as you have
I have as much pain as you do
I've lived as much hell as you have
And i've kept mine bubbling under for you

You were my best friend
You were my lover
You were my mentor
You were my brother
You were my partner
You were my teacher
You were my very own sympathetic character

I was afraid of verbal daggers i was afraid of the
Calm before the storm i was afraid for my own
Bones i was afraid of your seduction i was afraid of
Your coercion i was afraid of your rejection
I was afraid of your intimidation i was afraid of
Your punishment i was afraid of your icy silences
I was afraid of your volume i was afraid of your
Manipulation i was afraid of your explosions

I have as much rage as you do
I have as much pain as you do
I've lived as much hell as you have
And i've kept mine bubbling under for you

You were my best friend
You were my lover
You were my mentor
You were my brother
You were my partner
You were my teacher
You were my very own sympathetic character

You were my keeper
You were my anchor
You were my family
You were my saviour
And therein lay the issue
And therein lay the problem


That I Would Be Good

That I would be good even if i did nothing
That I would be good even if i got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That i would be fine even even if I went bankrupt
That i would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That i would be great if I was no longer queen
That i would be grand if i was not all knowing

That i would be loved even when i numb myself
That i would be good even when i am overwhelmed
That i would be loved even when i was fuming
That i would be good even if i was clingy

That i would be good even if i lost sanity
That i would be good
Whether with or without you

*** Thanx to Natalie & Gavan who corrected some mistakes ***

The Couch

You hadn't seen your father in such a long time
He died in the arms of his lover how dare he
Your mother never left the house
She never married anyone else you took it upon yourself to console her

You reminded her so much of your father
So you were banished and you wonder why you're so hypersensitive
And why you can't trust anyone but us
But then how can i begin to forgive her so many years under bridges with dirty water
She was foolish and selfish and cowardly if you ask me

I don't know where to begin in all of my 50 odd years
I have been silently suffering and adapting perpetuating and enduring
Who are you younger generation to tell me that i have unresolved problems
Not many examples of fruits of this type of excruciating labour

How can you just throw words around like grieve and heal and mourn
I feel fine we may not have been born as awake as you were
It was much harder in those days we had paper routes uphill both ways
We went from school to a job to a wife to instant parenthood

I walked into his office i felt so self-conscious on the couch
He was sitting down across from me he was writing down his hypothesis i don't know
I've got a loving supportive wife who doesn't know how involved she should get
You say his interjecting was him just calling me on my shit?

Just the other day my sweet daughter i was driving past 203 i walked up the stars in my minds eyes
I remember how they would creak loudly
She was only responsive with a drink he was only responsive by photo
I was only trying to be the best big brother i could

I've walked sometimes confused sometimes ready to crack open wide
Sometimes indignant sometimes raw
Can you imagine i pay him 75 dollars an hour sometimes
It feels like highway robbery
And sometimes it's peanuts
I wish it could last a couple more hours

So here we both are battling similar demons (not coincidentally)
You see in getting beyond knowing it solely intellectually you're not relinquishing your majestry
You are wise you are warm you are courageous you are big
And i love you more now than i ever have in my whole life

Can't not

I'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation
Would I be letting you win in my non reaction?
How would I explain?
How would I explain this to my children if I had them?

Because I can't not
Because I can't not
Because I can't afford to be misread one more time

Would it be whining if I said I needed a hug?
Would you feel slighted if I said your love's not enough?
And how can I complain?
And how can I complain when I'm the one that reaches for this?


Because I can't not
Because I can't not
Because I cannot walk without my crutches
Because I can't not
Because I can't not
Because I can't help wonder why you ask me

To all the unheard wisdom in the school yard
You think you're the right ones
You swear you're the charmed ones I'm sure
But how can you go on with such conviction?
Who do you think you are when you question me?

Because we can't not
Because we can't not
Because we can't help laugh at underestimations
Because we can't not
Because we can't not
Because we can't afford to be misled one more time
Because we can't not
Because we can't not
Because we cannot help without your willingness

Why do you affect me? Why do you affect me still?
Why do you hinder me? Why do you hinder me still?
Why do you unnerve me? Why do you unnerve me still?
Why do you trigger me? Why do you trigger me still?


*** Thanx to Daniel who corrected some mistakes ***

Ur

Burn the books they've got too many names and psychoses
All this incriminating evidence would surely haunt me
If someone broke into my house
Suits in the living room
Do you realize guys i was born in 1974
We've got someone here to explain your publishing
We know how much you love to be in front of audiences
Hopeful you are
Schoolbound you are
Naive you are
Driven you are
Take a trip to new york with your guardian
And your fake identification
When they said "is there something anything
You'd like to know young lady?"
You said "yes i'd like to know what kind of people i'll be dealing with"
Precocious you are
Headstrong you are
Terrified you are
Ahead of your time you are
Don't mind our staring but
We're surprised you're not in a far-gone asylum
We're surprised you didn't crack-up
Lord knows that we would've
We would've liked to have been there
But you keep pushing us away
Resilient you are
Big time you are
Ruthless you are
Precious you are


I Was Hoping

As we were talking outside it was cold we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter
My wife is in the next room we've been having troubles you know please don't tell her or anyone
But i need to talk to somebody
You said "wouldn't it be a shame if i knew how great i was five minutes before i died i'd be filled
With such regret before i took my last breath" and i said "you're willing to tell me this now
And you're not going to die anytime soon"
And i said i haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything and you said yes
But you've been wearing leather and laughed and said we're at the top of the food chain
And yes you're still a fine woman and i cringed
I was hoping we could heal each other
I was hoping we could be raw together
We left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said "good-bye sir thank you for your business sir you're
Successful and established sir and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir
And your money" and when i walked by they said "thank you too dear" i was all pigtails and cords
And there was a day when i would've said something like "hey dude i could buy and sell this place so kiss it"
I too once though i was owed something
I was hoping i was hoping we could challenge each other
I was hoping i was hoping we could crack each other up
I too thought that when proved wrong i lost somehow
I too once thought life was cruel
It's a cycle really you think i'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you i think you're insensitive
And i don't feel heard and i said do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental? Fundamentally evil?
And you said yes i said i don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad you said
"well what about the man that i saw handcuffed in the emergency room bleeding after beating his kid
And she threw a shoe at his head.
I think what he did was wrong and i would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him"
I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged
I was hoping i was hoping we could dance together
I was hoping i was hoping we could be creamy together


One

I am the biggest hypocrite
I've been undeniably jealous
I have been loud and pretentious
I have been utterly threatened
I've gotten candy for my self-interest
The sexy treadmill capitalist
Heaven forbid i be criticized
Heaven forbid i be ignored

I have abused my power forgive me
You mean we actually are all one
One one one one one one one
I've been out of reach and separatist
Heaven forbid average (whatever average means)
I have been compensated for my days
Of powerlessness

I have abused my so-called power forgive me
You mean we actually are all one
One one one one one one one

Did you just call her amazing?
Surely we both can't be amazing!
And give up my hard earned status
As fabulous freak of nature?

I have abused my power forgive me
You mean we actually are all one
One one one one one one one
Always looked good on paper
Sounded good in theory


Would Not Come

If I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
If I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
If I am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin
If I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
I would throw a party still it would not come
I would bike run swim and still it would not come
I'd go traveling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come
If I am masculine I will be taken more seriously
If I take a break it would make me irresponsible
If i'm elusive I will surely be sought after often
If I need assistance then I must be incapable
I'd be filthy rich and still
It would not come
I would seduce them and still
It would not come
I would drink vodka and still
It would not come
I'd have an orgasm and still
It wouldn't come
If I accumulate knowledge
I'll be impenetrable
If I am aloof no one will know
When they strike a nerve
If I keep my mouth shut the boat
Will not have to be rocked
If I am vulnerable I will be
Trampled upon
I would go shopping and still
It would not come
I'd leave the country and still
It would not come
I would scream and rebel still
It would not come
I would stuff my face and still
It would not come
I'd be productive and still it would not come
I'd be celebrated still it would not come
I'd the the hero and still it would not come
I'd renunciate and still it would not come


Unsent

Dear Matthew, I like you a lot.
I realize you're in a relationship with someone right now,
And I respect that.
I would like you to know that if you're ever single in the future,
And you want to come visit me in California,
I would be open to spending time with you,
And finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song.

Dear Jonathan, I liked you too much.
I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me,
And think solely about themselves,
And you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time.
I used to say the more tragic the better.
The truth is, whenever I think of the early 90's,
Your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday.

Dear Terrance, I love you muchly.
You've been nothing but open hearted,
And emotionally available and supportive,
And nurturing, and consummately there for me.
I kept drawing you in and pushing you away,
I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch,
And cry in front of you for the first time.
You were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself.
What was wrong with me?

Dear Marcus, you rocked my world.
You had a charismatic way about you with the woman,
And you got me seriously thinking about spirituality.
And you wouldn't let me get away with kicking my own ass.
But I could never really feel relaxed,
And looked out for around you, though,
And that stopped us from going any further than we did.
And it's kinda too bad,
Because we could've had much more fun.

Dear Lou, we learned so much.
I realize we won't be able to talk for some time,
And I understand that as I do you.
The long distance thing was the hardest,
And we did as well as we could.
We were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives.
I will always have your back and be curious about you,
About your career,
Your whereabouts.


So Pure

You from New York,
You are so relevant.
You reduce me to cosmic tears.

Luminous more so than most anyone.
Unapologetically alive.
Knot in my stomach,
And lump in my throat.

I love you when you dance,
When you freestyle in trance,
So pure, such an expression.

Supposed former infatuation junkie.
I sink three pointers,
And you wax poetically.

I love you when you dance,
When you freestyle in trance,
So pure, such an expression.

Let's grease the wheel over tea.
Let's discuss things in confidence.
Let's be outspoken, let's be ridiculous,
Let's solve all the world's problems.

I love you when you dance,
When you freestyle in trance,
So pure, such an expression.


Joining You

Dear Darlin,
Your mom, my friend
Left a message on my machine
She was frantic
Saying you were talking crazy.

That you wanted to do away with yourself.
I guess she thought I would be the perfect resort
Because we've had this inexplicable connection since our youth

And yes, they're in shock
They are panicked
You and your chronic
Them and their drama
You this embarrassment
Us in the middle of this delusion.

If we were our bodies,
If we were our futures,
If we were our defenses,
I'd be joining you.

If we were our culture,
If we were our leaders,
If we were our denials,
I'd be joining you.

I remember vividly a day years ago,
We were camping.
You knew more than you thought you should know.
You said "I don't want ever to be brainwashed"
And you were mindboggling, you were intense.
You were uncomfortable in your own skin.
You were thirsty,
But mostly you were beautiful.

If we were our nametags,
If we were our rejections,
If we were our outcomes,
I'd be joining you.

If we were our indignities,
If we were our successes,
If we were our emotions,
I'd be joining you.

You and I, we're like four year olds.
We want to know why, and how come about everything.
We want to reveal ourselves at will, and speak our minds.
And never talk small talk and be intuitive,
And question mightily, and find God my tortured beacon.

We need to find like-minded companions.

If we were their condemnations,
If we were their projections,
If we were our paranoias, I'd be joining you.

If we were our incomes,
If we were our obsessions,
If we were our afflictions, I'd be joining you.

We need a reflection,
We need a really good memory.
Feel free to call me a little more often.


Heart Of The House

You are the original template
You are the original exemplary
How seen were you actually?
How revered were you honestly at the time?

Why pleased with your low maintenance?
You loved us more than we could've love you back
Where was your ally your partner in feminine crime?

Oh mother who's your buddy
Oh mother who's got your back
The heart of the house
The heart of the house
All hail the goddess!

You were "good ol'"
You were "count on 'er 'till four am"
You saw me run from the house
In the snow melodramatically

Oh mother who's your sister?
Oh mother who's your friend?
The heart of the house
The heart of the house
All hail the goddess!

We left the men and we went for a walk in the gatineaus
And talked like women to women would
Womyn to womyn would "where did you get that from?
Must've been your father your dad"

I got it from you I got it from you

Do you see yourself in my gypsy garage sale ways?
In my fits of laughter?
In my tinkerbell tendencies?
In my lack of color coordination?


Your Congratulations

I wouldn't have compromised as much
So much of myself for fear of
Having you hating me
I would've sung so loudly
It would've cracked myself!

I became self-conscious
Of anything exuberant
I wouldn't have sold myself short
I wouldn't have kept my eyes
Glued to the ground

If I hadn't known my invisibility
Would not make a difference
I would've run around screaming proudly
At the top of my voice
I wouldn't have said it was in fact luck
I'm talking idealism here

I would not have been so self deprecating
I wouldn't have cowered
For fear of having my eyes cut my comfort off
I wouldn't have feigned needlessness
I would not have discredited
Every one of their compliments

It was your approval I wanted
Your congratulations


MTV Unplugged

You Learn

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
I recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

Swallow it down ( what a jagged little pill )
It feels so good ( swimming in your stomach )
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free

Throw it down ( the caution blocks you from the wind )
Hold it up ( to the rays )
You wait and see when the smoke clear

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out ( the way a three-year-old would do )
Melt it down ( you're gonna have to eventually anyway )
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Joining You

Dear Darlin,
Your mom, my friend
Left a message on my machine
She was frantic
Saying you were talking crazy.

That you wanted to do away with yourself.
Guess she thought I would be the perfect resort
Because we've had this inexplicable connection since our youth

And yes, they're in shock
They are panicked
You and your chronic
Them and their drama
You this embarassment
Us in the middle of this delusion.

If we were our bodies,
If we were our futures,
If we were our defenses,
I'd be joining you.

If we were our culture,
If we were our leaders,
If we were our denials,
I'd be joining you.

I remember vividly a day years ago,
We were camping.
You knew more than you thought you should know.
You said "I don't want ever to be brainwashed"
And you were mindboggling, you were intense.
You were uncomfortable in your own skin.
You were thirsty,
But mostly you were beautiful.

If we were our nametags,
If we were our rejections,
If we were our outcomes,
I'd be joining you.

If we were our indignities,
If we were our successes,
If we were our emotions,
I'd be joining you.

You and I, we're like four year olds.
We want to know why, and how come about everything.
We want to reveal ourselves at will, and speak our minds.
And never talk small talk and be intuitive,
And question mightily, and find God my tortured beacon.

We need to find like-minded companions.

If we were their condemnations,
If we were their projections,
If we were our paranoias, I'd be joining you.

If we were our incomes,
If we were our obsessions,
If we were our afflictions, I'd be joining you.

We need a reflection,
We need a really good memory.
Feel free to call me a little more often.

No Pressure Over Cappuccino

And you're like a 90's jesus
And you revel in your psychosis
How dare you
And you sample concepts like hors d'euvres
And you eat their questions for dessert
Is it just me or is it hot in here 

And you're like a 90's kennedy
And you're really a million years old
You can't fool me
They'll throw opinions like rocks in riots 
And they'll stumble around like hypocrites
Is it just me or is it dark in here? 

Well you may never be or have a husband you may never have or hold a child
You will learn to lose everything we are temporary arrangements 

And you're like a 90's noah
And they laughed at you as you packed all of your things
And they wonder why you're frustrated
And they wonder why you're so angry
And is it just me or are you fed up? 

And may god bless you in your travels in your conquests and queries

** Thanx a lot to Rafael for this one **

That I Would Be Good

That I would be good
Even if I did nothing
That I would be good
Even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good
If I got and stayed sick
That I would be good
Even if I gained 10 pounds

That I would be fine
Even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good
If I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great
If I was no longer queen
That I would be grand
If I was not all knowing

That I would be loved
Even when I numb myself
That I would be good
Even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved
Even when I was fuming
That I would be good
Even if I was clingy

That I would be good
Even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you

*** Thanx to Natalie & Gavan who corrected some mistakes ***

Head Over Feet

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now, I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your faults

Princes Familiar

Please be philosophical
Please be tapped into your femininity
Please be able to take the wheel from me
Please be crazy and curious 

Papa love your princess so that she will find loving princes familiar
Papa cry for your princess so that she will find gentle princes familiar 

Please be a sexaholic 
Please be unpredictably miserable
Please be self absorbed much (not the good kind)
Please be addicted to some substance 

Papa listen to your princess so that she will find attentive princes familiar
Papa hear your princess so that she will find curious princes familiar 

Please be the jerk of my knee i've fit you always
You finish my sentences I think I love you
What is your name again no matter i'm guessing your thoughts again correctly and I love the way
You press my buttons so much sometimes I could strangle you 

Papa laugh with your princess so that she will find funny princes familiar
Papa respect your princess so that she will find respectful princes familiar 

Please be strangely enigmatic
Please be just like my

** Thanx a lot to Rafael for this one **

I Was Hoping

As we were talking outside,
It was cold,
We were shivering, yet warmed by the subject matter.

My wife is in the next room,
We've been having troubles you know,
Please don't tell her or anyone,
But I need to talk to somebody.

You said, "Wouldn't it be a shame if I knew how great I was
Five minutes before I died? I'd be filled with such regret
Before I took my last breath."
And I said, "You're willing to tell me this now, and you're not going to die anytime soon."
And I said I haven't been eating chicken,
Or meat,
Or anything.

And you said yes, but you've been wearing leather and laughed and said
We're at the top of the food chain.
And yes you're still a fine woman,
And I cringed.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could heal each other.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could be raw together.

We left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's), said
"Good bye, sir. Thank you for your business sir. You're successful and
established, sir, and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir. And
your money."
And when I walked by, they said "Thank you too dear."
I was all pigtails and cords.
And there was a day when I would've said something like,
"Hey dude, I could buy and sell this place, so kiss it."
I too once thought I was owed something.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could challenge each other.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could crack each other up.

I too thought that when proved wrong, I lost somehow.
I too thought life was cruel.
It's a cycle, really.
You think I'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you.
I think you're insensitive and I don't feel heard.

And I said "Do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental?
Fundamentally evil?"
And you said Yes.
And I said do you believe in revenge, in right or wrong, good or bad?
And you said "Well, what about the man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency
room,
Bleeding after beating his kid, and she threw a shoe at his head.
I think what he did was wrong, and I wouldn't have had a hard time feeling
compassion for him."
I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could dance together.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could be creamy together.


Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic, don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damned life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice"
And isn't it ironic...don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn't it ironic, don't you think
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

These R The Thoughts

These are the thoughts that go through my head
In my backyard on a Sunday afternoon
When I have the house to myself and i'm not
Expending all that energy on fighting with my boyfriend 

Is he the one that I will marry?
Why is it so hard to be objective about myself?
Why do I feel cellularly alone?
Am I supposed to live in this crazy city?
Can blindly continued fear induced regurgitated life-denying
Tradition be overcome? 

Where does the money go that I send to those in need?
If we have so much why do some people have nothing still?
Why do I feel frantic when I first wake up in the morning?
Why do you say you are spiritual
Yet you treat people like shit? 

How can you say you're close to god
And yet you talk behind my back as though I am not
A part of you? why do I say I'm fine when it's
Obvious I'm not? why's it so hard to tell you what I want?
Why can't you just read my mind? 

Why do I fear that the quieter I am the less you will listen?
Why do I care whether you like me or not?
Why is it so hard for me to be angry?
Why is it such work to stay conscious and so easy to get stuck
And not the other way around? 

Will I ever move back to canada?
Can I be with a lover with whom I am a student and a master?
Why am I encouraged to shut my mouth when it gets too close to home?
Why cannot I live in the moment?


** Thanx a lot to Cantnot5Rafael & Alex for this one **

King Of Pain

( Police Cover / Mtv Unplugged )

There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign 
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a fossil that trapped in a high cliff wall
That's my soul up there
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
That's my soul up there
There's a blue whale beached by a springtide's ebb
That's my soul up there
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread

There's a red fox torn by a huntman's pack
There's a black winged gull with a broken back
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the queen of pain

Queen of pain
I'll always be queen of pain
Queen of pain
I'll always be queen of pain

** Thanx a lot to Rafael for this one **

You Oughta Know

I want you to know that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both

An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre

Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know

Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Uninvited

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd meet shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate


*** Thanx to Wes and Jill and Estella & Bunia who corrected some mistakes ***


Under Rug Swept

*** Thanx a lot for Paul who corrected all the album for us ***

21 Things I Want in a Lover

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are you funny?
A la self-deprecating?
Like adventure?
And have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed?
More than three times a week?
Up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Curious and communicative...

Narcissus

Dear momma's boy I know you've had your butt licked by your mother
I know you've enjoyed all that attention from her
And every woman graced with your presence after
Dear narcissus boy I know you've never really apologized for anything
I know you've never really taken responsibility
I know you've never really listened to a woman

Dear me-show boy I know you're not really into conflict resolution
Or seeing both sides of every equation
Or having an uninterrupted conversation

And any talk of healthiness
And any talk of connectedness
And any talk of resolving this
Leaves you running for the door

Why why do I try to love you
Try to love you when you really don't want me to
Why why do I try to love you
Try to love you when you really don't want me to

Dear egotist boy you've never really had to suffer any consequence
You've never stayed with anyone longer than ten minutes
You'd never understand anyone showing resistance
Dear popular boy I know you're used to getting everything so easily
A stranger to the concept of reciprocity
People honor boys like you in this society

And any talk of selflessness
And any talk of working at this
And any talk of being of service
Leaves you running for the door

Why why do I try to help you try to help you
When you really don't want me to
Why why do I try to help you try to help you
When you really don't want me to

You go back to the women who will dance the dance
You go back to your friends who will lick your ass
You go back to ignoring all the rest of us
You go back to the center of your universe

Dear self centered boy I don't know why I still feel affected by you
I've never lasted very long with someone like you
I never did although I have to admit I wanted to
Dear magnetic boy you've never been with anyone who doesn't take your shit
You've never been with anyone who's dared to call you on it
I wonder how you'd be if someone were to call you on it

And any talk of willingness
And any talk of both feet in
And any talk of commitment
Leaves you running for the door

Why why do I try to change you try to
Try to change you when you really don't want me to
Why why do I try to change you try to
Try to change you when you really don't want me to

You go back to the women who will dance the dance
You go back to your friends who will lick your ass
You go back to being so oblivious
You go back to the center of the universe

Hands Clean

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protťgť and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But ooh you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
No one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
No one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Flinch

What's it been, over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other, totally
We only bruised each other even more so

What are you my blood? You touch me like you are my blood
What are you my dad? You affect me like you are my dad

How long can a girl be shackled to you
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

Where've you been? I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown
I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you
My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin

How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

So here I am one room away from where I know you're standing
A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in
This man knows not of how this information has affected me
But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in

What are you my kin? You touch me like you are my kin
What are you my air? You affect me like you are my air

And how long can a girl be tortured by you?
And how long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

So Unsexy

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm thirteen again, am I thirteen for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserving baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections, how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unlov-ed for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Precious Illusions

You'll rescue me right? in the exact same way they never did..
I'll be happy right? when your healing powers kick in

You'll complete me right? then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode

But this won't work now the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

*** Thanx a lot to Carla who corrected a mistake ***

That Particular Time

My foundation was rocked
My tried and true way to deal was to vanish
My departures were old
I stood in the room
Shaking in my boots
At that particular time love had challenged me to stay
At that particular moment I knew not run away again
That particular month I was ready to investigate with you
At that particular time

We thought a break would be good
For four months we sat and vacillated
We thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
At that particular time love encouraged me to wait
At that particular moment it helped me to be patient
That particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant
At that particular time

I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
And yet I wanted to save us high water or hell
And I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
And in the meantime I lost myself
In the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myselfÖ
I am

You knew you needed more time
Time spent alone with no distraction
You felt you needed to fly
Solo and high to define what you wanted
At that particular time love encouraged me to leave
At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me
That particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
At that particular time

A Man

I am a man as a man I've been told
Bacon is brought to the house in this mold
Born of your bellies I yearn for the cord
Years I have groveled repentance ignored

And I have been blamed
And I have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended

I am man who has grown from a son
Been crucified by enrag-ed women
I am son who was raised by such men
I'm often reminded of the fools I'm among

And I have been shamed
And I have relented
I'm working my way toward our union mended
And I have been shamed
And I have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended

We don't fare well with endless reprimands
And we don't do well with a life served as a sentence
And this won't work well if you're hell bent on your offense
'Cause I am a man who understands your reticence

I am a man who still does what he can
To dispel our archaic reputation
I am a man who has heard all he can
'Cause I don't fare well with endless punishment

'Cause I have been blamed
And I have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended
And we have been blamed and we have repented
I'm working my way toward our union mended

We don't fare well with endless reprimands
And we don't do well with a life served as a sentence
And this won't work well if you're hell bent on your offense
' Cause I am a man who understands your reticence

You Owe Me Nothing In Return

I'll give you countless amounts of outright
Acceptance if you want it. I will give you
Encouragment to choose the path that you want if you need it.

You can speak of anger and doubts,
Your fears and freak-outs and I'll hold it.
You can share your so-called
Shamefilled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it.

And there are no strings attached to it
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
And you owe me nothing in return.

You can ask for space for yourself
And only yourself and I'll grant it.
You can ask for freedom as well
Or time to travel and you'll have it.

You can ask to live by yourself
Or love someone else and I'll support it.
You can ask for anything you want
Anything at all and I'll understand it.

And there are no strings attached to it
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
And you owe me nothing in return.

I bet you're wonderin' when
The next payback shoe will eventually drop.
I bet you're wonderin' when my conditional police will force you to cough up.
I bet you're wonderin' how far you now have danc-ed your way back into debt.

This is the only kind of love
As I understand it
That there really is.
You can express your deepest of truths
Even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it.

You can fall into the abyss
On the way to your bliss
I'll empathize with.
You can say that you'll have to skip town
To chase your passion and I'll hear it.
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life chrisis and I'll hold it.

And there are no strings attached to it
You owe me nothin' for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothin' for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
And you owe me nothing in return.

You owe me nothin' for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothin' for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
And you owe me nothing in return.

*** Thanx a lot to Amapatra & Notafish & Bill for this one ***

Surrendering

You were full and fully capable
You were self sufficient and needless
Your house was fully decorated in that sense

You were taken with me to a point
A case of careful what you wish for
But what you knew was enough to begin

And so you called and courted fiercely
So you reached out, entirely fearless
And yet you knew of reservation and how it serves

And I salute you for your courage
And I applaud your perseverance
And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
That I represent

So you were in but not entirely
You were up for this but not totally
You knew how arms length-ing can maintain doubt

And so you fell and you're intact
So you dove in and you're still breathing
And So you jumped and you're still flying if not shocked
And I support you in your trusting
And I commend you for your wisdom
And I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces
That I represent

You found creative ways to distance
You hid away from much through humor
Your choice of armor was your intellect

And so you felt and you're still here
And so you died and you're still standing
And so you softened and still safely in command

And I salute you for your courage
And I applaud your perseverance
And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
That I represent

Self protection was in times of true danger
Your best defense to mistrust and be wary
Surrendering a feat of unequaled measure
And I'm thrilled to let you in
Overjoyed to be let in in kind

I salute you for your courage
And I commend you for your wisdom
And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
And I support you in your trusting
And I applaud your perseverance
And I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces
That I represent

Utopia

We'd gather around
All in a room
Fasten our belts
Engage in dialogue
We'd all slow down
Rest without guilt
Not lie without fear
Disagree sans jugement

We would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and
Enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and
Open and reach out and speak up

This is utopia
This is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia
This is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate

We'd open our arms
We'd all jump in
We'd all coast down
Into safety nets

We would share and listen and support and welcome be propelled by passion not
Invest in outcomes we would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference
Be gentle and make room for every emotion

This is utopia
This is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia
This is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate

We'd provide forums
We'd all speak out
We'd all be heard
We'd all feel seen

We'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful we would heal be humbled
And be unstoppable we'd hold close and let go and know when to do which we'd
Release and disarm and stand up and feel safe

This is utopia
This is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia
This is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate

*** Thanx a lot to Matt who corrected a mistake ***

Feast of scraps

Fear of Bliss

( Hands clean B-side )

My misery has enjoyed company
And although I have ached
I don't threaten anybody
Sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you
Sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to

I've tried to be small I've tried to be stunted
I've tried roadblocks and all
My happy endings prevented

Sometimes I feel it's all just too big to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

I could be golden I could be glowing I could be freedom
But that could be boring

Sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you

This talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down
Under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone

I could be full I could be thriving I could be shining
Sounds isolating

Sometimes I feel this is too good to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do

Bent 4 U

( Hands clean B-side )

You're unsure and you're not ready so that must mean I want you
You're unavailable and disinterested and to you I look for comfort

A million times in a million ways I will try to change you
A million months and a million days I'll try to somehow convince you

I have waited for you and adjusted for you and I'm done
I have deferred to you and enabled you and I'm done

You're too young or you're too old or you're simply not inclined
You're asleep or you're withholding be that my cue to crave you

Several times in several ways I'll try to squeeze love from you
Several hours and several ways I'll feast on scraps thrown from you

I have bent for you and I've deprived for you and I'm done
I have depressed for you and contorted for you and I'm done
I have stifled for you and I've compromised for you and I'm done
I have silenced for you and sacrificed for you and I'm done

It won't be long before I am reclaimed
It won't take long and I'll be on path again
It won't be easy for us to disengage
I'm at the end of self deprivation stage

You're afraid of every woman afraid of your inner workings
You cringe at the thought of living under the same roof as me god and everything

A million times and a million ways I've tried to alter to match you
Several times every several days I've tried to uncrush on you

Sorry To Myself

For hearing all my doubts so selectively and
For continuing my numbing love endlessly.
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and overfunctioning.

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No oneís been crueler than Iíve been to me.

For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For myself love being so embarassingly conditional.
And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible
and for trying to fit a rectangle into a ball.

And
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No oneís been crueler than Iíve been to me.

I'm sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else.
I'm sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.

For blaming myself for your unhappiness
and for my impatience when I was perfect where I was.
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready,
and expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be.

To whom do I owe the first apology?
No oneís been crueler than Iíve been to me.

And
Iím sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else.
Iím sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.

Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter,
I wouldíve naturally loved the former.

For ignoring you: my highest voices.
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious.
For being so disassociated from my body,
and for not letting go when it wouldíve been the kindest thing.

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No oneís been crueler than Iíve been to me.

And
Iím sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else
Iím sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.
Iím sorry to myself.
My apologies begin here before everybody else
Iím sorry to myself.
For treating me worse than I would anybody else.

SisterBlister

( Hands clean B-side )

You and me we're cut from the same cloth
It seems to some we famously get along
But you and me are strangers to each other
Cuz you and me:competitive to the bone

Such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured
With the state this land is in

You and me feel joined by only gender
We are not all for one and one for all

Sister blister we fight to please the brothers
We think their acceptance is how we win
They're happy we're climbing over each other
To beg the club of boys to let us in

You and me estranged from the mother
You and me have felt impotent in our skin
You and me have taken it out on each other
You and me disloyal to the feminine

Such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come
With how strong we've been

You and me are on this pendulum together
You and me with scarcity still fueling

Sister blister we fight to please the brothers
We think their acceptance is how we win
They're happy we're climbing over each other
To beg the club of boys to let us in

We may not have priorities same
We may not even like each other
We may not be hugely anti-men
But such a cost to dishonor a sister

You and me have made it harder for the other
We forget how hard separatism has been
You and me we can help change their minds together
You and me in alignment until the end

Sister blister we fight to please the brothers
We think their acceptance is how we win
They're happy we're climbing over each other
To beg the club of boys to let us in

Offer

( Precious Illusions B-side )

Who
Who am i to be blue
Look at my family and fortune
Look at my friends and my house

Who
Who am i to feel deadend
Who am i to feel spent
Look at my health and my money

And where
Where do i go to feel good
Why do i still look outside me
When clearly i've seen it won't work

Is it my calling to keep on when i'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairre
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

And why
Why do i feel so ungrateful
Me who is far beyond survival
Me who see life as an oyster

Is it my calling to keep on when i'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairre
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

And how
How dare i rest on my laurels
How dare i ignore an outstreched hand
How dare i ignore a third world country

Is it my calling to keep on when i'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairre
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

Who
Who am i to be woo

*** Thanx a lot to Sylvy for this one ***

Unprodigal Daugther

( Hands clean B-side )

I had disengaged to avoid being totaled
I would run away and say good riddance, soon enough
I had grown disgusted by your small-minded ceiling
Imagine myself bolting had not been difficult

Soon be my life
Soon be my pace
Soon be my choice of which you'll have no part of

Unprodigial daughter and Iím heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed

I hit the ground running, although I know not what toward
I hit the town feeling, forgetting all that came before
I felt primed and ready, once surrounded by the pawns
I felt culture shocked, but dissuaded, I was not

This is my town
This is my voice
This is my taste of which you've have no part of

Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but Iím busy being unoppressed

One day Iíll saddle back and speak of foreign adventures
One day Iíll double back and tell you about these unfettered years
One day Iíll look back and feel something other than relieved
Glad that I left when I did before, I know you, you can't get the best of me

When Iíd speak of artistry you would roll your eyes skyward
When Iíd speak of spirituality you would label it absurd
When I spoke of possibility you would frown and shake your head
If I had stayed much longer, Iíd have surely imploded

These are my words
This is my house
These are my friends of which you've had no part

Unprodigial daughter and Iím heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
Iíd invite you but Iím busy being unoppressed

Unprodigial daughter and Iím heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
Iíd invite you but Iím busy being unoppressed

Simple together

You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can't go to you for consolation
'Cause we're off limits during this transition

This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can't stop bumping into things

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken

You've been my soulmate and then some
I remembered you the moment i met you
With you I knew god's face was handsome
With you I saw fun and expansion

This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And I can't stop dropping everything

I thought we'd be sexy together
Thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
But I was sadly mistaken

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
Thought we'd be adventurous togheter
But I was sadly mistaken

Thought we'd be exploring together
Thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
Thought we'd be on fire together
But I was sadly mistaken

*** Thanx a lot to Leticia for this one ***

So Called Chaos

Eight Easy Steps

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solve-able predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you

How to keep people at arm's length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a pray-er and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

Out Is Through

Every time you raise your voice I see the greener grass
Every time you run for cover I see this pasture
Every time we're in a funk I picture a different choice
Anytime we're in a rut, this distant grandeur

My tendency to want to do away feels natural
My urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable but I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

Every time that I'm confused I think there must be easier ways
Every time our horns are locked I'm towel throwing
Every time we're at a loss we've bolted from difficulty
Anytime we're in stalemate, a final bowing

My tendency to want to hide away feels easier
The immediacy of picturing another place, comforting to go but I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

We could just walk away and hide our heads in the sand
We could just call it quits only to start all over again, with somebody else

Every time we're stuck in struggle I'm down for the count that day
Every time I dream of quick fix I'm assuaged
Now I know it's hard when it's through and I'm damned if I don't, no quick fix way
What formerly was treatment silent's now outdated

My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now
The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good and I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

Excuses

Why no one will help me I'm too dumb I'm too smart
They'll not understand me I'm lonely they'll hate me

There is not enough time It's too hard to help me
God wants me to work no resting no lazy

These excuses how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell

I'm too far from home it takes far too much energy
I cannot afford to, no one will ever see me

These excuses how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked they've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell

Bringing these into the light shakes their foundation and clears my sight
Now my imagination is the only thing that limits the bar and its' rise to the heights

No one can have it all see I have to, they want me to
I can't let them down I will never be happy

These excuses how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked they've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell

back to track list
Doth I Protest Too Much

I'm not threatened by every pair of legs you watch go by
I don't cringe when you stare at women it's just a thing called guy
I don't notice your sideways glances or where your loyalty lies
I'm secure and out of me it's hard to get a rise

I'm not jealous
I don't get moved by much
I'm not enraged
not insecure as such
not going insane
rational stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

I'm not tortured by how oft you're busy cuz I've got things to do
I'm not disappointed about how you don't miss me cuz I don't need you to

I'm not needy
I don't get clingy much
I am not scared
I'm not afraid as such
I'm not dependent
Rock solid stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

So much energy to prove to you who I can't possibly be
So much energy to prove to you I'm not who you hate for me to be

I'm not saddened and I don't miss you cuz I have moved on too
I'm not concerned about your new lover cuz I've a new lover too

I'm not depressed
I don't get down that much
I'm not despondent
I am not dark as such
I'm never sad
Keep chin up stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

Doth I Protest Too Much

I'm not threatened by every pair of legs you watch go by
I don't cringe when you stare at women it's just a thing called guy
I don't notice your sideways glances or where your loyalty lies
I'm secure and out of me it's hard to get a rise

I'm not jealous
I don't get moved by much
I'm not enraged
not insecure as such
not going insane
rational stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

I'm not tortured by how oft you're busy cuz I've got things to do
I'm not disappointed about how you don't miss me cuz I don't need you to

I'm not needy
I don't get clingy much
I am not scared
I'm not afraid as such
I'm not dependent
Rock solid stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

So much energy to prove to you who I can't possibly be
So much energy to prove to you I'm not who you hate for me to be

I'm not saddened and I don't miss you cuz I have moved on too
I'm not concerned about your new lover cuz I've a new lover too

I'm not depressed
I don't get down that much
I'm not despondent
I am not dark as such
I'm never sad
Keep chin up stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

Knees Of My Bees

We share a culture, same vernacular
Love of physical humor and time spent alone
You with your penchant for spontaneous advents
For sticky unrests be unearthed and then gone

You are a gift renaissance with a wink
With tendencies for conversations that raise bars
You are a sage who is fueled by compassion comes to nooks and crannies as balm for all scars

You make the knees of my bees weak
Tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak

You are a spirit that knows of no limit
Who knows of no ceiling, who balks at dead ends
You are a wordsmith who cares for his brothers
Not seduced by illusion or fair weather friends

You make the knees of my bees weak
Tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak

You are a vision who lives by the signals of stomach and intuition as your guide
You are sliver of god on a platter who walks what he talks
And who cops when he's lied

You make the knees of my bees weak
Tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak

Not All Me

I wear their face on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen for your blindly-fueled rage

I bear the brunt of your long-buried pain
I don't mind helping you out but I want you to remember my name

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you
But I won't take it all on

Past-riddled rage I see the buttons I engage
With my dignity in place I'm all too happy to assuage

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you
But I won't take it all on

Lest I find my voice find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I state my limit and take on only what is mine to

We are a team I'm here to help mend and re-seam
All I trigger unknowingly a job I hold in high esteem

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you
But I won't take it all on
I'll take only some of it

So-Called Chaos

Deadlines and meetings and contracts all breached
d-days and structure, responsibility
Have to's and need to's, get to's by three
Eleventh hours and upset employees

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet

Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers
Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet

All won't be lost if I'm governed by my own innate-ness
The stoplights won't work, I'll get home sound and safe regardless
won't be mayhem if I'm ruled by my own rule-lessness
my fire won't quell and I'll be harm-free and distress-less (trust me)

line-towing and helping, expectations-up-to living
inside-box-obeying, inside-line-coloring

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all my limitations but the shoes upon my feet

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to what I was born to be

This Grudge

14 years 30 minutes 15 seconds I've held this grudge
11 songs 4 full journals, thoughts of punishment I've expended

Not in contact not a letter such communication telepathic
you've been vilified, used as fodder, you deserve a piece of every record

But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now, with an antique knot in her stomach

I want to be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old
All this time i've not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us

Like an abandoned house dusty-covered furniture still intact
If I visit it now, do I simply re-live it somehow gratuitous

But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who's it weighing down with no gift from time of said healing

I want to be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old
All this time i've not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us

Maybe as i cut the cord veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as i lay this to rest dead weight off my shoulders will rise

Here i sit, much determined ever ill-equipped to draw this curtain
How this has entertained, validated and has served me greatly ever the victim

But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
This load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember

I want to be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us

Spineless

I won't see my dear friends as much
Male friends especially I'll no longer be in touch
I'll change my hobbies to match yours

I'll stop reading my favorite books
I won't spend all this selfish time alone
I'll cater to you and hang on your every word

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinion-less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I'll redefine self-sacrifice
Live my life as apologetic compromise
I know you'd leave if I rocked the boat

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinion-less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won't forget myself so easily

I'll be low maintenance and agreeable
I will not talk about my dreams so much
I'll listen to you for hours, won't need for anything

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinion-less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

Everything

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyones
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else and not my own partaking
My passive aggressive-ness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone
Who is as closed down as I am sometimes

You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist persists and speaks louder than i know
What i resist you love no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

*** Thanx a lot to Carie who corrected this one ***


Flavors Of Entanglement

Citizen of The Planet

I start up in the north
I grow from special seed
I sprinkle it with sensibility
From French and Hungarian snow
I linger in the sprouting
Until my engine's full

Then I move across the sea
To European bliss
To language of poets
As I cut the cord of home
I kiss my mother's mother
Look to the horizon

Wide eyed, new ground
Humbled by my new surroundings

I am a citizen of the planet
My president is Kwan Yin
My frontier is on an airplane
My prisons : homes for rehabilitating

Then I fly back to my nest
I fly back with my nuclear
But everything is different
So I wait
My yearn for home is broadened
Patriotism expanded
By callings from beyond

So I pack my things
Nothing precious
All things sacred

I am a citizen of the planet
My laws are all of attraction
My punishments are consequences
Separating from source the original sin

I am a citizen of the planet
Democracy's kids are sovereign
Where the teachers are the sages
And pedestals fill with every parent

And so the next few years are blurry
The next decade's a flurry
Of smells and tastes unknown
Threads sewn straight through this fabric
Through fields of every color
One culture to another

And I come alive
And I get giddy
And I am taken and globally naturalized

I am a citizen of the planet
From simple roots through high vision
I am guarded by the angels
And my body guides the direction I go in

I am a citizen of the planet
My favorite pastime edge stretching
Besotten with human condition
These ideals are borne from my deepest within

Underneath

Look at us break our bonds in this kitchen
Look at us rallying all our defenses
Look at us waging war in our bedroom
Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues

There is no difference in what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here
Our underneath

Look at us form our cliques in our sandbox
Look at us micro kids with both our hearts blocked
Look at us turned away from all the rough spots
Look at dictatorship on my own block

There is no difference in what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here
Our underneath

How I've spun my wheels with carts before my horse
When shine on the outside springs from the root
Spotlight on these seeds of simpler reasons
This core, born into form, starts in our living room

There is no difference in what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here
Our underneath

Straitjacket

Something so benign for me construed as cruelty
Such a difference between who I am and who you see
Conclusions you come to of me routinely incorrect
I donít know who youíre talking to with such fucking disrespect

This shitís making me crazy
The way you nullify whatís in my head
You say one thing do another
And argue thatís not what you did

Your wayís making me mental
How you filter as skewed interpret
I swear you wonít be happy til
I am bound in a straitjacket

Talking with you's like talking to a sieve that canít hear me
Tou fight me tooth and nail to disavow whatís happening

You're resistance to a mirror I feel screaming from your body
One day iíll introduce myself and youíll see youíve not yet met me

This shitís making me crazy
The way you nullify whatís in my head
You say one thing do another
And argue thatís not what you did

Your wayís making me mental
How you filter as skewed interpret
I swear you wonít be happy til
I am bound in a straitjacket

Grand dissonance
The strings of my puppet are cut
The end of an era
Your discreditingís lost my consent

This shitís making me crazy
The way you nullify whatís in my head
You say one thing do another
And argue thatís not what you did

Your wayís making me mental
How you filter as skewed interpret
I swear you wonít be happy til
I am bound in a straitjacket

Versions of Violence

Coercing or leaving
Shutting down and punishing
Running from rooms,
Defending withholding, justifying

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

Diagnosing, analyzing
Unsolicited advice
Explaining and controlling
Judging opining and meddling

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

This labeling
This pointing
This sensitiveís unraveling
This sting iíve been ignoring
I feel it way down way down

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

Not as we

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure unconvincing
This faint and shakey hour

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it til i'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time "I as I"
And not as we

Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand
Feign brave with steel intent
Little and hardly here

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
With not much making sense just yet
I'm faking it til i'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time "I as I"
And not as we

Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If god's taking bets
I pray he wants to lose

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense just yet
I'm faking it til i'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again
But this time "I as I"
And not as we

In Praise of The Vulnerable Man

You are the bravest man Iíve ever met
You unreluctant at treacherous ledge
You are the sexiest man Iíve ever been with
You, never hotter than with armor spent

When you do what you do to provide
How you land in the soft as you fortify

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why wonít you lead the rest of your cavalry home

You, with your eyes mix strength with abandon
You with your new kind of heroism

And I bow and I bow down to you
To the grace that it takes to melt on through

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why wonít you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man

You are the greatest man Iíve ever met
You the stealth setter of new precedents

And I vow and I vow to be true
And I vow and I vow not to take advantage

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why wonít you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man

Moratorium

I've never been this accountable-less and within
I've never known focuslessness on any form

I've never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go, and let god in ways I have never even imagined

Iíve never let my grasp soften; fingers like this
Iíve never been careless otherless like autonomyís twin

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

Ah to breathe
Stop looking outside
Stop searching in corners of rooms
Not my business or timing

Iíve never known freedom from intertwining
I start again this time for keeps, in my skin Iím residing

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

Torch

I miss your smell and your style and your pure abiding way
Miss your approach to life and your body in my bed
Miss your take on anything and the music you would play
Miss cracking up and wrestling and our debriefs at end of day

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

I miss your neck and your gait and your sharing what you write
Miss you walking through the front door documentaries in your hand
Miss traveling our traveling and your fun and charming friends
Miss our big sur getaways and to watch you love my dogs

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

One step one prayer I soldier on
Simulating moving on

I miss your warmth and the thought of us bringing up our kids
And the part of you that walks with your stick-tied handkerchief

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

Giggling Again For No Reason

I am driving in my car up highway one
I left L.A. without telling anyone
There were people who needed something from me
But I am sure theyíll get along fine on their own

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And iím giggling again for no reason

I am dancing with my friends in elation
Weíve taken adventures to new levels of fun
I can feel the bones are smiling in my body
I can see the meltings of inhibition

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And Iím giggling again for no reason

Iím reeling jubilation
Triumphant in delight
I am at home in this high five
And Iím smiling for no reason

I am sitting at the set of cali sun
Weíve gotten quiet for itsí last precious seconds
I can feel the salt of the sea on my skin
And we still hear the echoes of abandon

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but net could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And Iím giggling again for no reason

Tapes

"I am someone easy to leave"
"Every easier to forget"
A voice, if inaccurate

Again: "Iím the one they all run from"
Diatribes of clouded sun
Someone help me find the pause button

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own
Wreaking havoc

"Iím too exhausting to be loved"
"A volatile chemical"
"Best to quarantine and cut off"

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own
Wreaking havoc

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own
Wreaking havoc


"Iím but a thorn in your sweet side"
"You are better off without me"
"Itíd be best to leave at once"

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own
Wreaking havoc

Incomplete

One day ill find relief
Iíll be arrived and
I'll be a friend to my friends
Who know how to be friends

One day ill be at peace
Iíll be enlightened and
I'll be married with children
And maybe adopt

One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds
Forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

One day, my mind will retreat
And ill know god and ill be constantly one
With her night dusk and day

One day ill be secure
Like the women I see
On their 30th anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done

One day, I will speak freely
Iíll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems
And lyrics and art

One day I will be faith-filled
Ill be trusting and spacious authentic
And grounded and whole

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete


Havoc and Bright Lights

Guardian

You, you who has smiled when youíre in pain
You who has soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down

So why, why would you talk to me at all
such words were dishonorable and in vain
their promise as solid as a fog

And where was your watchman then

Iíll be your keeper for life as your guardian
Iíll be your warrior of care your first warden
Iíll be your angel on call, Iíll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
You, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond whatís humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed

And where was your watchman then

Iíll be your keeper for life as your guardian
Iíll be your warrior of care your first warden
Iíll be your angel on call, Iíll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

Now no more smiling mid-crestfall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm

Now enter your watchwoman

Iíll be your keeper for life as your guardian
Iíll be your warrior of care your first warden
Iíll be your angel on call, Iíll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

Woman Down

First woman down was your mother
She did condone how you behave
All you could see was your father
His disrespect was in her face

Next woman down was your sister
Her silence did corroborate
She took her cues from the climate
And never knew another way
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Who do you take me for

Calling all woman haters
Weíve lowered the bar on the
Behavior that we will take, come on now

Calling all lady haters
Why must you vilify us
Are you willing to clean the slate, woman down

Next woman down was your lover
She takes your spite at value face
Even her hair length and color
Gives you the impulse to repeat

Who do you take me for

Calling all woman haters
Weíve lowered the bar on the
Behavior that we will take, come on now
Calling all lady haters
Why must you vilify us
Are you willing to clean the slate, woman down

Next woman down is your daughter
A stranger to being debased
She has a new lease and limit
On the abuse sheíll tolerate

Who do you take me for

Calling all woman haters
Weíve lowered the bar on the
Behavior that we will take, come on now
Calling all lady haters
Why must you vilify us
Are you willing to clean the slate, woman down

'Til You

I've been wasting time clawing my way to you
Taking no prisoners with my romantic crimes

I've been holding out imagining glimpses of you
Holding my breath while you come down the pike

Spinning my wheels 'round
Iím here dodging bullets 'til you
Ear to the ground while Iím dodging bullets 'til you
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I've been taking notes, nursing the thought of you
Research and develop as Iím biding my time

I've been holding up this magnet that calls to you
Entertaining myself with these consolation prizes

Spinning my wheels 'round
I'm here dodging bullets 'til you
Ear to the ground while Iím dodging bullets 'til you

They've been plenty fun,
But mere placeholders for you
They fill this dance card as you form in my mind

Spinning my wheels 'round
I'm here dodging bullets 'til you
Ear to the ground I'm here dodging bullets 'til you

Celebrity

I have tasted stardom since before I breathed
My well-known hungry daddy modelled it for me
And I have never left this ambitious city
And I've only known a lust for VIP

I have studied long hard and how to proceed
Nothing but my name in bright lights call to me
I display the perfect amount of ennui
I'll carve my face up if you'll indulge me

Give me celebrity
My kingdom to be famous
Tell me who I have to be
Starving to be famous

Never wondered who's pulling strings above me
ĎCause I'm aware of wheels, heels and vintage Gucci
I'm on my twentieth round of vitamin V
I'll cut my weight in two if you'll have me
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Give me celebrity
My kingdom to be famous
Tell me who I have to be
Starving to be famous

Let me into this exclusive club
Ignore my not so hidden agenda

I am a tattooed sexy dancing monkey
Just aloof enough to get you to want me
Hoping my persona ingratiates me
Give my life for an opportunity

Give me celebrity
My kingdom to be famous
Tell me who I have to be
Starving to be famous

Empathy

There are so many parts that I have hidden and denied and lost
There are so many ways that I have cut off my nose to spite my face

There are so many colors that I still try to hide while I paint
There are so many tunes that I secretly sing as I wait

You come along and invite these parts out of hiding
This invitation is one that I've stopped fighting...

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
Oh this intimacy

There were so many times, thought I'd die not being truly known
There've been so many moments, forever lonely in my vocation
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
You come along and celebrate each feeling
And there you are all honor and inquiring...

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
Oh this intimacy

There was a day where the trust that was being asked of me
Required too much you see
To accept your generosity
And to know myself enough to let you help me

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
Oh this intimacy

Lens

You and I
Are in the same room
We both think we're fair
We both live for 'truth'
But then how are we to define
Something so subjective
Living under the same roof

So here, these battles of wills
They beg for some proof of right versus wrong
Your approach seems better than mine
Though it's working for you
All I feel is disconnection

So now it's your religion against my religion
My humble opinion against yours
This does not feel like love
And it's your conviction against my conviction
And I'd like to know what we'd see through the lens of love
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
And so now your grand assessment is that I'm not in your group
That I'm not your kind
And so we're locked in a stalemate
With you in your corner, and me dismayed in mine

So now it's your religion against my religion
My humble opinion against yours
This does not feel like love
And it's your conviction against my conviction
And I'd like to know what we'd see through the lens of love

And this stance keeps us locked and both in gloves
And this lie remains about us being separate

So now it's your religion against my religion
My humble opinion against yours
This does not feel like love
And it's your conviction against my conviction
And I'd like to know what we'd see through the lens of love

Spiral

I could be day dreaming but for a moment
And somehow they're creeping back in
I could be sleeping and wake in a torrent
Somehow I get caught in their grips again

Here I am in my shame spiral
I'm sucked into it again
I reach out for your benevolent opinion
And you bring the light back in
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Don't leave me here with all these critical voices
ĎCause they do their best to bring me down
When I'm alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down
Turn them 'round

I could be listening to a conversation
A story I'm not even in
These voices have their way when I am unguarded
Suddenly I step in quicksand again

Once again in my shame spiral
I am glad that you've weighed in

Don't leave me here with all these critical voices
ĎCause they do their best to bring me down
When I'm alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down
Turn them 'round

All these judgments so incisive
Voices left to their devices
This woman's neuroses a desperate plea
For slack to be cut to me, cut to me

Don't leave me here with all these critical voices
ĎCause they do their best to bring me down
When I'm alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down
Turn them 'round

Numb

I feel smothered, and encumbered and defeated and drawn
Disappointed, over-extended and frustrated
And shaken

This over-giving, over-loving, this caretaking
Goes on
With no chance of intermission,
I'll be checked out, I'll be gone,

How to remove myself from sensation

Here comes a feeling
I run from the feeling
And reach for the drug,
Can't sit with this feeling
I'd rather be flying
And comfortably numb
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I feel anxious I am nervous I am bored,
I'm overwhelmed, rather be out of my gourd

How to remove myself from sensation

Here comes a feeling
I run from the feeling
And reach for the drug,
Can't sit with this feeling
I'd rather be flying
And comfortably numb

I am lonely I feel hungry and unloved
I feel angry I am livid need a hug


Here comes a feeling
I run from the feeling
And reach for the drug,
Can't sit with this feeling
I'd rather be flying
And comfortably numb

Havoc

Just when I thought I had handles on this
I could soften my guard behind false confidence

Just when I found humble pie insipid
Exempt from this blind side and firmly in its grip

ĎCause I am seduced by reaction
And under the influence

I'm slipping again
Iím up to old tricks off my wagon
I have no defense
I'm wreaking havoc
Wreaking havoc and consequence

I get reduced by my own wilfulness
As I reach for my usual god replacements
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
ĎCause I am rich with sanction
And lax in my steps

I'm slipping again
Iím up to old tricks off my wagon
I have no defense
I'm wreaking havoc
Wreaking havoc and consequence

If forgiveness is understanding
Then I offer mea culpa for the millionth time
From this toppling house of cards of mine

I am beaten by my impulsiveness
By this uncanny foreshadowing of regret

ďCause I'm repulsed by restriction
At least that's my excuse

I'm slipping again
Iím up to old tricks off my wagon
I have no defense
I'm wreaking havoc
Wreaking havoc and consequence

Win & Wind

In my old days, someone won
Those were days of win-lose
In those bleak times I was better
I sat high, looking down my nose

Change direction: looking up
I'm not worthy to be with you
We are separate I'm inferior
I have yearnings to sit across from you
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
ĎCause we're eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner sister brother

Both directions speak a lie
Up or down, I can't feel you
As we battle with our power
We are separate, not looking across

ĎCause we're eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner sister brother

These delusions of our grandeur
We are locked in the struggle
These lies of status lower
These conclusions we're in trouble

ĎCause we're eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner sister brother

Same value, same value...

Receive

I wake up and first thing's first: I'm of service
I make sure your needs are met as a selfless

I give hard and serve hard and now I, I need a break
I give big I give all and now it's time regenerate
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Today's all about me
All about cup-filling
Today's all about me
Learning how, how to receive, how to receive

I move on through offerings
Often one-sided
Being this low on list of worth: over extended

I give hard provide hard and now
I need some relief
I look out I proffer and now I need some respite indeed

Today's all about me
All about cup-filling
Today's all about me
Learning how, how to receive, how to receive

My habit to love you first and me: remainders
Favoring you is so knee-jerk, leaves me a stranger

I give hard impart hard and now I need to retreat
I give out, dedicate and now I need to acknowledge me

Today's all about me
All about cup-filling
Today's all about me
Learning how, how to receive, how to receive

Edge Of Evolution

Here I leave my story I leave it in the dust
Although this psychology's been entertaining enough

Herein lies the witness objective with my stuff
But we're ready to push envelopes into full blown consciousness
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
So here we go out here on the edge of evolution
Numbers growing out here on the edge of evolution

I have had my glimpses with and without substances
I have had awakenings non-abiding for the most part

And here we go out here on the edge of evolution
Numbers growing out here on the edge of evolution

In this sacred duality
The highs and lows and the heres and theres
These aversions and these cravings
Push me beyond identity into pure awareness
(Weíre already here)

And here we are out here on the edge of evolution
We keep going out here on the edge of evolution
Here we are out here on the edge of evolution
We keep going out here on the edge of evolution

Will You Be My Girlfriend

I didnít know how to ask
Un-awkwardly
I didnít know how to broach it
I haven't known how to do this informally
Not cut out for dropping masks

I guess I give and you give back
Is that right
Guess I listen and you give feedback
Is that right
I guess I call when I need help
Is that right
Will you be my girlfriend
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I havenít worn my heart on sleeves
And been rewarded
With and openheartedness
I havenít felt I had the right to
Be supported
With a golden tenderness

I guess I risk and you risk back
Is that right
I guess I share and you share back
Is that right
Guess I uplift you when you crack
Is that right
Will you be my girlfriend

Can I lean on your shoulder
Would you join me in some pact
Will you see me as your sister
Can we love enough to offer that

I guess I thought that you would laugh
And be daunted

And think me clingy and too much
I thought this much too vulnerable
And you'd not cut me slack
And think me intolerable

I guess I fall and you stay intact
Is that right
I guess you hear me and wonít attack me
Is that right
Guess I reach out and you reach back
Is that right
Will you be my girlfriend

Guess I divulge and you wink back
Is that right
I guess you cry I pet your back
Is that right
I guess I text and you text back
is that right
Will you be my girlfriend

Magical Child

It's quite simple
When I'm listening
You keep leading me all the way home
And these messages you've been offering
As a magical child
An essential child

And it hinges on the driver's seat
It depends on who's in control
When I waver on the attuning
I kill the magical child
This essential child

To thine own self be true
To my core self be true

When direction is confounding
When vitality is fargone
When the spark is out not inspiring
I call the magical child
The essential child

To thine own self be true
To my core self be true
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
When I'm lost and I'm unravelling
When I'm off my track and I float
When I need true north and some grounding
I call the magical child
The essential child
This angelic child
This innocent child

To thine own self be true
To my core self be true

Angelic child
Innocent
Magical child
Essential child

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