Amanda Palmer Complete Lyrics Archive

B i o g r a p h y
(by Allmusic)

A singer, songwriter, pianist, writer, and performance artist with an experimental bent, Amanda Palmer was known as half of the Dresden Dolls before embarking on a solo career in 2007. She's also known for being half of the duo Evelyn Evelyn and for various side projects, including collaborations with Ben Folds, Jherek Bischoff, Brendan Maclean, her father, Jack Palmer, and her husband, writer Neil Gaiman.

Before she co-founded the "Brecht-ian punk cabaret" duo the Dresden Dolls, Palmer was a Wesleyan University graduate who had been involved in theater for a number of years. After college, she founded the Shadowbox Collective, a group that performed plays as well as street theater. (Palmer herself was a busker who performed as a living statue.) In 2000, she met drummer Brian Viglione. Though Palmer didn't read music, she formed the Dresden Dolls with him a year later and became the main musical force behind the group. She also continued to explore other creative avenues, and in 2006 released The Dresden Dolls Companion, a book that featured original art, a history of the band and its first album, and a partial autobiography by Palmer. At the end of that year, the Dresden Dolls performed the Palmer-penned musical The Onion Cellar with the American Repertory Theater.

Around that time, she also began a project with experimental musician Jason Webley about musically gifted conjoined twins. Calling themselves Evelyn Evelyn, they released the EP Evelyn Evelyn in 2007, the same year Palmer started playing -- and selling out -- solo shows on the East Coast. In the spring of 2008, the Dresden Dolls released No, Virginia..., and that September, Roadrunner Records issued Palmer's solo debut, Who Killed Amanda Palmer. It featured Ben Folds as both a producer and a performer. She followed it in 2010 with a tribute to Radiohead on the EP Amanda Palmer Performs the Popular Hits of Radiohead on Her Magical Ukulele, and with Evelyn Evelyn, that project's full-length debut. In January 2011, she and Gaiman wed in a private ceremony in San Francisco. Only a month later, Palmer released the partly live Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under, an album filled with references to Australia and New Zealand and written while on tour there. That was followed in April with the EP Nighty Night, a collaboration with Gaiman, Folds, and OK Go's Damian Kulash under the name 8in8. In 2012, she worked toward the release of Theater Is Evil, her first solo studio LP since breaking ties with major labels. The album, which featured a group of musicians dubbed the Grand Theft Orchestra, was funded by fans through a campaign on the pledge-based fundraising site Kickstarter. The project's original goal of $100,000 was exceeded tenfold, with over a million dollars in pledges being collected. The record was released to widespread critical acclaim.

November 2014 saw the release of Palmer's part memoir/part self-help book, The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Grand Central Publishing. She reemerged with music in early 2016 in the form of Strung Out in Heaven: A Bowie String Quartet Tribute, a collaborative EP with Jherek Bischoff. That year, she also announced an album recorded with her father, Jack Palmer. The idea was spawned after the father-daughter duo made a number of live appearances together. Titled You Got Me Singing, it featured covers of songs originally recorded by a number of revered artists such as Sinéad O'Connor, Leonard Cohen, and Richard Thompson. In 2017, Palmer teamed up with Legendary Pink Dots co-founder Edward Ka-Spel and issued the crowd-funded full-length I Can Spin a Rainbow.

Astronaut (A Short History of Nearly Nothing)

(Featuring Zoë Keating)

Is it enough to have some love
Small enough to slip inside a book
Small enough to cover with your hand
Because everyone around you wants to look

It is enough to have some love
Small enough to fit inside the cracks
The pieces don't fit together so good
For all the breaking and all the gluing back

And I am still not getting what I want
I want to touch the back of your right arm
I wish you could remind me who I was
Because every day I'm a little further off

But you are, my love, the astronaut
Flying in the face of science
I will gladly stay an afterthought
Just bring back some nice reminders

Is it getting harder to pretend
That life goes on without you in the wake
And can you see the means without the end
In the random frantic action that we take

And is it getting easy not to care
Despite the many rings around your name
It isn't funny and it isn't fair
You've travelled all this way and it's the same

But you are, my love, the astronaut
Flying in the face of science
I will gladly stay an afterthought
Just bring back some nice reminders

I would tell them anything to see you split the evening
But as you see I do not have an awful lot to tell
Everybody's sick for something that they can find fascinating
Everyone but you and even you aren't feeling well

Yes you are, my love, the astronaut
Crashing in the name of science
Just my luck they sent your upper half
It's a very nice reminder
It's a very nice reminder

And you may be acquainted with the night
But I have seen the darkness in the day
And you must know it is a terrifying sight
Because you and I are living the same way

Runs In The Family

One, two, three, four

My friend has problems with winter and autumn
They give him prescriptions
They shine white lights on him
They say it's genetic
They say he can't help it
They say you can catch it
But sometimes you're born with it

My friend has blight, he gets shakes in the night
And they say that there's no way that they could have caught it in
Time takes its toll on him it is traditional
It is inherited, predisposition

All day I've been wondering what is inside of me
Who can I blame for it
I say

It runs in the family
This famine that carries me to such great lengths
To open my legs up for anyone who'll have me
It runs in the family, I come by it honestly
Do what you want 'cause who knows it might fill me up
Me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up
Fill me up
Me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up

My friend's depressed, she's a wreck, she's a mess
They've done all sorts of tests
And they guess it has something to do
With her grandmother's grandfather's grandmother
Civil war soldiers who badly infected her

My friend has maladies, rickets and allergies
That she dates back to the seventieth century
Somehow she manages in her misery
Strips in the city and shares all her best tricks with me
Well, I'm well, well, I mean i'm in hell
Well, I still have my health
At least that's what they tell me
If wellness is this, what in hells name is sickness
But business is business and business runs in the family

We tend to bruise easily, bad in the blood
I'm telling you 'cause I want you to know me
Know me and my family
We're wonderful folks
But don't get too close to me
'Cause you might knock me up
Me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up
Knock me up
Me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up

Mary have mercy now look what I've done
But don't blame me because I can't tell where I come from
And running is something that we've always done well
And mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from

I run from their pity, from responsibility
Run from the country and run from the city
I can run from the law, I can run from myself
I can run from my life, I can run into debt

I can run from it all, I can run till I'm gone
I can run for the office and run from the cause
I can run using every last once of energy
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family

They're hiding inside of me
Corpses on ice
Come in if you'd like
But just don't tell my family
They'd never forgive me
They'll say that i'm crazy
But they would say anything if it would shut me up
Shut me up, shut me up
Me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up
Shut me up
Me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up, me up

Ampersand

I walk down my street at night
The city lights are cold and violent
I am comforted by the approaching sound of trucks and sirens
Even though the world's so bad
These men rush out to help the dying
And though I am no use to them
I do my part by simply smiling

The ghetto boys are cat-calling me
As I pull my keys from my pocket
I wonder if this method of courtship
Has ever been effective
Has any girl in history said
"Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on"
Still, I always shock them when I answer
"Hi my name's Amanda"

And I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand
Even if I went with you I'm not the girl you think I am
And I'm not gonna match you
'Cause I'll lose my voice completely
No I'm just gonna watch you
'Cause I'm not the one that's crazy

I have wasted years of my life
Agonizing about the fires
I started when I thought that to be strong
You must be flame retardant
And now to dress the wounds calls into question
How authentic they are
There is always someone criticizing me
"She just likes playing hospital"

Lying in my bed
I remember what you said
"There's no such thing as accidents"

But you've got the headstone all ready
All carved up and pretty
Your sick satisfaction
Those his and hers matching
The daisies all push up in
Pairs to the horizon
Your eyes full of ketchup
It's nice that you're trying
The headstone's all ready
All carved up and pretty
Your sick satisfaction
Those his and hers matching
The daisies all push up in
Pairs to the horizons
Your eyes full of ketchup
It's nice that you're trying

But I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand
Even if I went with you I'm not the girl you think I am
And I'm not gonna match you
'Cause I'll lose my voice completely
No I'm just gonna watch you
'Cause I'm not the one that's crazy, yeah

As I wake up, two o'clock
The fire burned the block
But ironically stopped at my apartment
And my housemates are all sleeping soundly
And nobody deserves to die
But you were awful adamant
That if I didn't love you
Then you have just one alternative

And I may be romantic
And I may risk my life for it
But I ain't gonna die for you
You know I ain't no Juliet
And I'm not gonna watch you
While you burn yourself out baby
No I'm not gonna stop you
'Cause I'm not the one that's crazy, yeah
I'm not the one that's crazy, oh yeah
I'm not the one that's crazy

Leeds United

We watch you
Your expert double exs
It's just like you
To paint those whiter fences

It's so polite, it's so polite
It's offensive, it's offensive
It's so unright, it's so unright
It's a technical, accept it

But who needs love when there's law and order
And who needs love when there's southern comfort
And who needs love at all

We stalk you
Your expert double exs
We oxidize you in your sleep
There's no exit, there's no exit

You're on a roll, you're on a roll
No one gets it, no one gets it
Your honor no, your honor
Can't you protect us, protect us

But who needs love when there's law and order
And who needs love when there's southern comfort
And who needs love when the sandwiches are wicked
And they know you at the Mac store

I'm so excited
The blacks and beat kids
Oh I'm getting frightened
Someday, someday Leeds united

Bugsy Malone came to carry you home
And they're taking you all to the doctor
Burberry vices all sugary spices
It's nice but it's not what I'm after
Sure I admire you, sure you inspire me
But you've been not getting back so
I'll wait at the Sainbury's counting my change
Making bank on the upcoming roster

And we'll stop you
Your expert double exs
Oh yeah, a big stock holder exxtra cold with two Xs
That never talking thing you do is effective, it's effective
Your shoulder's icy colder-oh than a death wish, than a death wish

But who needs love when there's law and order
And who needs love when there's dukes of hazard
And who needs love when the sandwiches are wicked
And they know you at the Mac store

I'm so excited
The blacks and beat kids
They're so excited
When I think about Leeds uniting
I'm getting frightened
The blacks, the blacks, the blacks and beat kids
It's so exciting
Someday, someday, someday, someday
Someday, someday Leeds United

Strength Through Music

"A peculiar thing happened to me this morning
Just as I reached into my pocket to find it empty of any sow
I saw two broken twigs on the ground
Shaped like the Greek letters F and S
F and S... Helium, F and S
These are the chemical symbols for iron and sulfur
It was a sign, I'm sure, for me to make gold from these two elements
I had been working all day over these hellish flames"

Locked in his bedroom
He saw the world
A web of answers
And cumshot girls

Tick tick tick tick tick
Tick tick tick tick tick

Don't bother blaming
His games and guns
He's only playing
And boys just want to have fun

He picked a soundtrack
And packed his bags
He hung his walkman
Around his neck

Tick tick tick tick tick
Tick tick tick tick tick

It is so simple
The way they fall
No pain or whimper
No sound at all

Tick tick tick tick tick
Tick tick tick tick tick
Tick tick tick tick tick
Tick tick tick tick tick
Tick tick tick tick
Boom

Guitar Hero

(Featuring East Bay Ray)

I can't get them up
I can't get them up
I can't get them up at all
Hey ho let go

Good morning killer king you're a star
That's gorgeous hold it right where you are
The weather's kinda lousy today
So what oh what oh what'll we play

Stratocaster strapped to your back
It's a semiautomatic like dad's
He taught you how to pause and reset
And that's about as far as you get

So what's the use of going outside
It's so depressing when people die in real life
I'd rather pick up right where we left
Making out to faces of death

And I could save you baby
But it isn't worth my time
And I could make you chase me
For a little price is right

It's a hit but are you actually sure
The targets in the crowd are a blur
The people screaming just like they should
But you don't even know if you're good

So tie them up and feed them the sand
Ha! Nigga!
Try to tell us using your hands
A picture's worth a million words
And that way nobody gets hurt
And that way nobody gets hurt

And I could save you baby
But it isn't worth my time
And I could make you chase me
For a little price is right

You're my guitar hero
You're my guitar hero
You're my guitar hero
You're my guitar hero, hey

X marks the box
In the hole in the ground
That goes off at a breath
So careful don't make a sound

X marks the box
In the hole in your head
That you dug for yourself
Now lie in it

Shut up about all of that negative shit
You wanted to make it and now that you're in
You shut your eyes and flip the cassette
And that's about the time that they hit
That's about the time that they hit

What the fuck is up with this shit
It's certainly not worth getting upset
His hands are gone and most of his head
And just when he was getting so good
Just when he was getting so good

I could save you baby
But it isn't worth my time
And I could make you chase me
For a little slice of life

You're my guitar hero
You're my guitar hero
You're my guitar hero
You're my guitar hero

Have To Drive

I have to drive
I have my reasons, dear
It's cold outside
I hate the seasons here

I suffer mornings most of all
I feel so powerless and small
By ten o' clock I'm back in bed
Fighting the jury in my head

We learn to drive
It's only natural, dear
We drive all night
We haven't slept in years

We suffer mornings most of all
We saw you lying in the road
We try to dig a decent grave
But it's still no way to behave

It is a delicate position
Spin the bottle
Pick the victim
Catch a tiger
Switch directions
If he hollers
Break his ankles
To protect him

We'll have to drive
They're getting closer
Just get inside
It's almost over

We will save your brothers
We will save your cousins
We will drive them far away
From streets and lights
From all sign of bad mankind

We suffer mornings most of all
Wake up all bleary eyed and sore
Forgetting everything we saw
I'll meet you in an hour at the car

What's the Use of Wond'rin

(Featuring Annie Clark)

What's the use of wondering
If he's good or if he's bad
Or if you like the way he wears his hat
Oh, what's the use of wondering
If he's good or if he's bad
He's your feller and you love him
That's all there is to that

Common sense may tell you
That the ending will be sad
And now's the time to break and run away
But what's the use of wondering
If the ending will be sad
He's your feller and you love him
There's nothing more to say

Something made him the way that he is
Whether he's false or true
And something gave him the things that are his
One of those things is you, so

When he wants your kisses
You will give them to the lad
And anywhere he leads you, you will walk
And anytime he needs you
You'll go running there like mad
You're his girl and he's your feller

Oasis

(A.k.a "Melissa Mahoney")

When I got to the party
They gave me a forty
And I must have been thirsty
'Cause I drank it so quickly

When I got to the bedroom
There was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault
That the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested
I brought along my best friend
Melissa Mahoney
Who had once been molested

And she knew how to get there
She knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly
But the test came back positive

Oh, oh, I've seen better days but i don't care
Oh I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion
I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour
Before the appointment

And outside the building
There were all these annoying
Fundamentalist Christians
We tried to ignore them

Oh, oh, I've seen better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over
The word was all over
That I was a crackwhore
Melissa had told them

And so now were not talking
Except we have tickets
To see blur in October
And I think were still going

Oh, oh, I've seen better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

Oasis sent a photograph
Its autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear

The Point Of It All

Oh what a noble distinguished collection
Of fine little friends you have made
Hitting the tables without you again
No we'll wait, no we promise, we'll wait

Well June makes these excellent sewing machines
Out of common industrial waste
She spends a few months at a time on the couch
But she's safe, she wears shades, she wears shades

Oh but no one can stare at the wall
As good as you, my babydoll
And you're aces for coming along
You're almost human after all

And you're learning that just
'Cause they call themselves friends
Doesn't mean they'll call

They made the comment in jest
But you've got the needle
I guess that's the point of it all

Maybe a week in the tropics would help
To remind you how nice life can be
We propped you right up in a chair on the deck
With a beautiful view of the sea

But a couple weeks later we came back
And you and the chair were nowhere to be seen
You had magically moved to the closet
Eyes fixed to the place where the dryer had been

Oh but no one can stare at the wall
As good as you my babydoll
And you're aces for coming along
You're almost human after all
Why on earth would I keep you propped up in here
When you so love the fall

The pattern's laid out on the bed
With dozens of colors of thread
But you've got the needle
I guess that's the point in the end

But it's better to waste your day
Watching the scenery change at a comatose rate
Than to put yourself in it and turn into
One of those cigarette ads that you hate

But while you were sleeping
Some men came around
Said they had some dimensions to take
I'm not sure what they were talking about
But they sure made a mess of your face

But still no one can stare at the wall
As good as you my babydoll
And you're aces for playing along
You're almost human even now
And just 'cause they call themselves experts
It doesn't mean sweet fuck all

They've got the permanent press
And the homes with the stable address

And they've got excitement
And life by the fistful
But you've got the needle
I guess that's the point of it all

Another Year

I tried to fall in it again
My friends took bets and disappeared
They mime their sighing violins
I think I'll wait another year

I want my chest pressed to your chest
My nervous systems interfere
Ten or eleven months have passed
I think I'll wait another year

This weather turns my tricks to rust
I am a lousy engineer
The winter makes things hard enough
I think I'll wait another year

Plus I'm only twenty-six years old
My grandma died at eighty-three
That's lots of time if I don't smoke
I think I'll wait another year

I'm not as callous as you think
I barely breath when you are near
It's not as bad when I don't drink
I think I'll wait another year

I have my new bill hicks cd
I have my friends and my career
I'm getting smaller by degrees
You said you'd help me disappear

But that could take forever
I think I'll wait another year
It'll be the best year ever
I think I'll wait another year
Can't we just wait together
You bring the smokes, I'll bring the beer
I think I'll wait another year

Evelyn Evelyn

Evelyn, Evelyn
Why do we bother to stay
Why are you running away
Don't you feel like severing
Everything's just come together at last
It's broken, I don't want to play

We grew up closer than most
Closer than anything, closer than anything
Shared our bed and wore the same clothes
Talked about everything, spoke about so many things

What shall we wear tonight
What shall we eat today
Can we go ice skating
But we just did that yesterday
Should we be firemen
Can we be astronauts
What if they find us
They're not looking anyway

Evelyn, Evelyn
Why do we bother to stay
Why are you running away
Don't you feel like severing
Everything's just come together at last
It's broken, I don't want to play

Fill my glass, let's drink a toast
This is our birthday, so why are we weeping
At your side, I feel like a ghost
I wake up first, and I stare at you sleeping

What shall we wear tonight
What shall we eat today
Do you think I should marry him
But we just met him yesterday
Should we be movie stars
Will we be millionaires
I want to be famous
They're watching us anyway

Evelyn, Evelyn
Why do we bother to stay
Why are you running away
Don't you feel like severing
Everything's just come together at last
It's broken, I don't want to play

We grew up so very close
A parasite needs a host
I'm only trying to do what is best for us

Well, I never asked for this
I never wanted this
All that I want is some time to myself

Looking in your eyes
I'm coming home

Just get away from me
Please just stop touching me
You're always trying to be somebody else
Now I realize I'm not alone

Well, you're only scared of me
But you never cared for me
Why don't you let me free
'Cause you'd never dare to be
'Cause you never listen
You're always insisting
I'm just stop reminiscing
I feel something missing
I just want
You here with me / My privacy
God
Can't we just get along / Won't you leave me alone

Evelyn, Evelyn
Evelyn, Evelyn
Evelyn, Evelyn...

A Campaign of Shock and Awe

Behold, the eighth wonder of the natural world
Come one and come all, see the two-headed girl
Stupendous! Revolting
You'll be shocked, you'll be awed
A true freak of nature, a blunder of God
But possessing such talents
Hear them sing, see them dance
As seen in the highest class parlors of France
Just ten bucks a photograph
Get your seats while they last
We take Visa and MasterCard, debit or cash

Isn't it nice that they're being so nice to us
If I'm not mistaken I think they might like us
Aren't we lucky to be here
Stop moving, they're taking a picture
Smile for the camera, Evelyn

Come in, come in, must be cold out there gentlemen
Take off your coats, and just guess what the wind blew in
I know you like twins, have I got a surprise
They're identical sisters attached at the side
Just imagine the fun you could have with these chicklets
And they're so well-behaved, not a single complaint yet
Just look at these photographs, while I pour you a cocktail
I don't know whether I should charge double or triple

Isn't it nice that they're being so nice to us
If I'm not mistaken I think they might like us
Aren't we lucky to be here
Stop moving, they're taking a picture
Smile for the camera, Evelyn

Ladies and gentlemen, critics and hipsters
Have you heard the new disc by the Evelyn sisters
Seamlessly floating with grace between eras and genres
They sing timeless new songs, rife with double entendres
As featured in Rolling Stone, Spin, The New Yorker and Pitchfork, Pitchfork
There's an in-store appearance today at the corner
Of Bedford and Seventh Ave., some get a photograph, sticker and autographed shirt

Isn't it nice that they're being so nice to us
If I'm not mistaken I think they might like us
Aren't we lucky to be here
Stop moving, they're taking a picture
Smile for the camera, Evelyn

The Tragic Events of September - Part I

Are you there Evelyn
Yes, of course I am
I'm always here
What's the matter Evelyn

I'm frightened
It's that time of year again
Isn't it Evelyn

Yes, it is that time of year again, Evelyn
Tell me once more how it all happened, Evelyn

Hush now.
We don't talk about that
'Cause it makes us sad Evelyn

I won't be sad this time
I promise
Please, tell me again about the tragic events of September, Evelyn

The year is nineteen eighty five
St. Elmo's Fire is at the top of the charts
The wreckage of the Titanic has just been discovered
At the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean
And on a small farm on the Kansas-Colorado boarder
A young mother is about to give birth

The local doctor has predicted twins
Which gladdens the hearts of the woman and her husband
Who could certainly use the extra help around the farm

But the birth does not go well
The terrified father drives his screaming haemorrhaging wife to the local clinic
A poorly funded facility housed in a converted air stream trailer
The presiding physician is Dr. Charlie von Coop
A local denture maker of dubious training with eccentric religious beliefs

The labor is long and painful
And Louise Neville, a Mennonite girl
Who had given up a promising career as a legal assistant
To join her first and only love on the run down farm
That was his only inheritance

May her soul rest forever in peace

Is pronounced dead by the doctor
At eleven twenty three A.M.
On the eleventh day of September
Precisely twelve minutes after the birth of her twin daughters

The girls are Parapagus Tripus Dibrachius twins
Conjoined at the side and sharing between them three legs
Two arms, two hearts, three lungs and a single liver
Without hesitating Dr. von Coop places the infants on the operating table
Muttering biblical quotations of doubtful accuracy
The doctor leaves that trailer and returns with a gas powered chainsaw

The noise is deafening in the small space as he starts the engine
And prepares for the grisly operation
At this very moment, Sheriff Wilbur Owens
Having noticed the Neville's car parked outside the clinic
Steps inside to see if could be of assistance
Seeing the crazed doctor hovering over the newborns
The teeth of the chainsaw about to connect with their innocent flesh
The valiant Sheriff draws his pistol and fires
As the bullet pierces his heart
Dr. von Coop emits a cry and stumbles backwards

Samuel Neville a timid nervous man
Who wanted nothing more than a quiet country life with many children
Is still in a state of shock over the death of his young wife
And the alarming physiology of his daughters
When he is struck in the neck by the chainsaw blade

Killing him instantly
Distraught the good Sheriff takes the crying infants to his car
He radios back to the station where it is arranged for the twins to be admitted
To the Bethany Center for Developmentally Disabled Youth in Topeka
Sheriff Owens decides to deliver the twins to the Bethany Center personally

Less than an hour into the drive
An oncoming truck swerves crosses median
And strikes the Sheriff's car
The Sheriff is thrown into the windshield
Knocking him unconscious
He will die thirty minutes later from loss of blood

Meanwhile the world has become a sea of feathers
As the trucks cargo of live chickens
Many among them now seriously injured or dead
Spill into the road

A small awkward man limps out of the trucks cab
And cautiously approaches the Sheriff's vehicle
The man's eyes focus on the twin girls
Calmly look up at him from the back seat
Ignoring the dying sheriff
The truck driver lifts the infants into his arm
And sets them in the cab of the damaged vehicle
He unhitches the trailer and climbs into the cab
Abandoning the defenceless chickens to their grim fate on Interstate seventy
A smile forms on his lips as he puts the truck into gear
And continues down the highway

Have You Seen My Sister Evelyn

Have you seen my sister Evelyn
Dang she's gone and wandered off again
I've been looking high and low
Where oh where'd my sister go
She's been known to spend some time
With a sailor friend of mine
I called him up and what'd he say
"I ain't seen that girl today"

So if you see my sister Evelyn
Tell that girl to hurry home again
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go

Is she with the doctor or the plumber
Or the dentist or the handyman
Did she go to India or Africa
Or Wichita or Pakistan
Did she go join the Navy, or go completely crazy
Or is she playing a trick on me

Did she run off with the barber, the professor
Or the banker, or the clergyman
Is it possible that she could be in Timbuktu
Or Katmandu or Vegas or Uzbekistan
She learning how to do-do
The Chattanooga Choo Choo
Oh golly where could that girl be

Have you seen my sister Evelyn
Dang she's gone and wandered off again
I've been looking high and low
Where oh where'd my sister go
She's been known to jump a train
With a gal we know from down the lane
I looked her up and wha'd she say
"I ain't seen that girl in days"

So if you see my sister Evelyn
Tell that girl to hurry home again
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go

Is my floozy sister with the doctor or the drummer
Or the dentist or the handyman
Did that ho-bag quit her job and run off with that dick-head Mike
To Indio, Guantanamo or Panama or Disneyland
Is she studying Kabbalah
Did she win a million dollars
Or is she dead in a ditch somewhere

So if you see my sister Evelyn
Tell that girl to hurry home again
Where oh where, where oh where, where oh where
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go

Chicken man

Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)

Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)

Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

The curtain of wire may cover
The setting of the sun
Take comfort my sisters and brothers
The chicken man will come

Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man (chicken man)
Chicken man

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

Chicken man
Chick chick
Chicken man
Chick chick
Chicken man

La la la la la la la

Are you crying Evelyn
No, no, yes
I was just thinking about Sandy
And about Bimba and Kimba
I miss them Evelyn.

I know, I miss them too
Especially this time of year, Evelyn

The year is nineteen ninety one
Terminator 2 is the highest-grossing film at the Box Office
The first Super Nintendo Entertainment System has just been released
And after seventy years of Communist rule
The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics has collapsed

And on a chicken ranch just at side of Claxton, Georgia
Twin sisters are waiting for their supper

The farm is old and operated by Alfred McClock
An eccentric man with a fascination with Civil War weaponry
McClock's chicken farms produces over one hundred forty thousand chickens a year
And ships wings, thighs and legs all over the continental United States

Despite the modest success of his business
McClock leads a solitary life, never marrying
And tending several of the chicken houses himself
A simple man with a not entirely bad heart
McClock never knew how to best take care of the young girls
Who came into his life shortly after their birth

So he raised them the only way he knew how
In a two foot by two foot wire mesh cage
On a diet of mash, crumbles, pellets and egg booster

One clear September day during the twins sixth year at the farm
McClock does not come at meal time
Night falls and still he doesn't appear
The girls and the chickens cry out from hunger

Days pass and the chickens in neighbouring cage has begin to die
The smell of rotting poultry permeates the air of the hot, humid barn

Finally, desperate to find food and concerned over the whereabouts of their guardian
The twins break free from their cage

McClock's house is locked tight
But the girls find the garden hose which quenches their thirst
Still half delirious with hunger
They make their way out to the road

Little time passes before a dusty black Cadillac Coupe de Ville drives by and pulls over
A tall, moustached young man with a kindly face steps out of the vehicle
He smiles at the girls
'Hello'
And presents them with the first candy they had ever tasted
A Twix bar, which they share in silent, odd delight

The girls do not feel at all uncomfortable
When the man leads them gently into the dark, spacious trunk

In the following days the girls are transferred into the trunks or several other cars
By many other kindly, candy bar offering men
Until they reach their final destination at the lake side lodge in Manitoba

The Underwood lodge is a collection of cosy water front cabins
With an attached trailer park along the shores of lake Winnipeg

It is also the world headquarters of Budding Flowers Entertainment
Specializing in the production and distribution of photographs
And VHS tapes for clientele with unique tastes

The girls are welcomed by Mrs Devora Bouldger
The fifty two year old proprietess
'Well, hello, girls'
A women of enormous proportions
Who lives with her own three children in the main lodge of the underwood

Upon finding that the girls have no names
She christens them Eva and Lynn
Names, which neither she, nor the twins themselves
Are ever able to keep straight
'Eva, Lynn'

The twins days of the underwood are relatively comfortable
They are well cared for, the food is delicious
And there are many other girls their age

Once a week, photo sessions take place
Convivial affairs that involve make-up
A wide variety of dress up costumes and inventive new games
Every few days Mrs Bouldger introduces the girls to one of their many uncles
'Eva, Lyn, say hello to your uncle Mark'
'Heeey'

These uncles, seemingly endless in number
Travel from all over the world to visit their nieces

The girls don't always like their new uncles
But Mrs Bouldger is always quick to remind them that
'Family is family' and 'blood is thicker than water'

The conjoined sisters are not popular amongst the other girls
However, one gentle resident, a few years their senior befriends them
And takes them under her wing

'Hello, what's your name?'
Her name is Sandy
'I'm Sandy'

She has soft, blond hair that reaches down to her knees
Everyone says she looks like a mermaid
Dressed daily by Mrs Bouldger in trade mark fishnet stockings and vintage attire
Sandy is by far the most popular girl of the underwood
She has so many uncles that the twins lose count

Every night after dinner and chores
Sandy tucks the young sisters into bed and tells them fantastic stories
Until they fall peacefully to sleep

'And after the three long weeks at sea
Jean-Luc the sailor finally spotted land'

But these happy times do not last
Shortly after the twins' third Christmas under Mrs Bouldger's care
Sandy disappears, never to return

The twins remain in the underwood for the greater part of two, long, miserable years
Without Sandy to protect them, they are ostracized and abused by the other girls

'What are you looking at, four-eyes?!'
The photo sessions involve fewer fancy costumes
And over time, their uncles become more peculiar
'Did I ask you to talk?'

The twins begin to notice the disturbing tendency for girls
Much like their dear friend Sandy
They quietly disappear from the underwood around their 12th or 13th birthday
The sisters brace themselves for something terrible

One autumn, when the girls are eleven
'Venga, vamos, vamos…'
An old man, who speaks only Spanish
Takes the twins into a large, orange van and drives them to their new home

'Step right up, step right up, see amazing human oddities
Freaks of nature, be warned, people with heart condition
Children, women - we will accept no responsibility for fainting
Reoccurring nightmares, or death'

Dillard and Fullerton, elusive and illogical travelling show
Is the 12th largest touring circus in North America
Former insurance salesman, Dillard and Fullerton, distinguish their enterprise
By procuring the most shocking specimen of the grotesque and unusual
Their small administrative staff works tirelessly
To combat legal actions and public allegations of animal cruelty
And human slave trafficking

Life in the circus is harder than their time at the underwood
There is always work to be done
In addition to their chores of laundry and sweeping
Mr Dillard insist that the twins spend many hours each day practising their act

'What are you standing around for?'

The girls are frightened of the clowns
Several of whom, by amazing coincidence
Also happen to be their uncles

'Hello, hello, hello'

But still, overall
These early days at the circus are happy time for the twins

Every night to the delight of audiences across the country
The girls appear in the center ring, singing and strumming the ukulele
At the top of Bimba and Kimba
The world's only known conjoined twin Siamese elephants

The twins feel they have found true soul mates in Bimba and Kimba
Who they affectionately refer to as 'Elephant, Elephant'
This special bond is reciprocates by the pachyderms
Who fondly nozzle the girls with their trunks and seem to delight in giving them rides

The twins and the elephants are inseparable
With the help of the Alphonso de Arestin, the animal trainer
The twins tend to the elephants, feeding them and grooming them daily

But one terrible August morning
Bimba and Kimba refuse to take their food
Due to the unsanitary conditions of their quarters
And an improper diet of popcorn and cotton candy
The elephants have contracted a rare form of elephantine diphtheria
Compounded by early onset Alzheimer's disease

For the next two weeks can only stand by helplessly
As their companions become sicker
And weaker and begin displaying obvious signs of memory loss
The last few days are almost unbearable
With Bimba and Kimba's confused
Sad eyes looking up at the girls with great anguish
But no hint of recognition

And on one, grim, September day
The sisters 16th birthday
Elephant Elephant dies

The funeral is held at the same day
A grizzly affair had an industrial trash compactor
Behind a Home Depot in Fort Dodge, Iowa

The twins are devastated
Without Bimba and Kimba life is but a terrible and meaningless void
They resign themselves to living out the rest of their hollow existence
In solemn mourning

The emotionally exhausted sisters
Fall from favour within the circus
No longer willing to sing and play their ukulele
The girls are dressed in a pink tutu
And forced to balance on the giant red ball
An impossible task for the conjoined sisters

'Get on that damn ball!'
The audience roars with laughter each time they awkwardly fall
Their discomfort is increased by a pair of radical groups
Who have taken an interest in the twins
Every night in most major city, protesters assemble
Nosily waving signs and chanting slogans in front of the Box Office

The first faction claims to represent an organisation called 'FASSEN'
The Foundation for Always Separating Siamese Twins Everywhere Now
Citing the bible, FASSEN members ???
That it is the will of the Lord that all conjoined twins
Be separated and allowed to live individual lives
Wielding symbolical surgical saws and blunt carbon knives
FASSEN members chide the ticket buyers for supporting the abomination of God

The second group operates under the acronym SPLIT
The Society for the Preservation of Linked Identical Twins

A reactionary organisation, working to discredit the claims of FASSEN
SPLIT believes that conjoined twins will play a critical role in the second coming of Christ

The twins are terrified by both groups
The knives and saws make them very nervous
And SPLIT members make threats to kidnap the girls
And take them to where they will be kept safe in a place of darkness until the rapture

One day before Sunday matinee in Sacramento
A chaotic brawl erupts between the two factions
And one FASSEN member gets alarmingly close to the twins with a hacksaw
Stricken with fear, the sisters decide that they are no longer safe at the circus
That night, they make a resolution
To leave the Dillard and Fullerton travelling show
Forever

Sandy Fishnets

Sandy fishnets, washed up on the shore
What's she catching, and will she be sore

Sandy was the prettiest of all
She talked French, she came from Montreal
During chores she never had to help
Sandy got a bed all to herself
We slept in the trailer to the right
Sandy told us stories late at night
She spoke of ships and sailors
And a sea so big and wide
She had lots of uncles and was always tired

Sandy fishnets, washed up on the shore
What's she catching, and will she be sore

How they loved her in those early days
Mrs. Bulger let her go away
All her uncles drove her off to play
We would see them kissing on the lake

Time went by and Sandy's all grown up
The lines of uncles dwindled
And the pirate stories stopped
Then one day Melissa May showed up
And Sandy had to share a bed with us

Sandy fishnets, washed up on the shore
What's she catching, and will she be sore

And will she be soaring over the sea
With the wind in her sails and a knife in her teeth
At the helm of a ship, on its way to a distant shore
Bermuda or Thailand, an uncharted island
Sandy, we're all getting older
What will they do with us
When they are through with us
Sandy, what are we sailing for

Christmas morning, nineteen ninety three
Presents waiting underneath the tree
There's a box for me, a box for me
No gift for poor old Sandy to be seen
We found Sandy sobbing quietly
Uncle Gerald said he liked Christine
Mrs. Bulgar said she had to leave
Three days later, she was gone
The day she turned thirteen

Elephant Elephant

Elephant, elephant,
Big and strong and gentle and intelligent, intelligent
How could I feel blue
I've got my sister at my side
And an elephant to ride

Oh, elephant, elephant
You're sad and in a cage
But that's irrelevant, irrelevant
'Cause everyone is jealous when they see men riding by
On a friend of such of great size

Other kids ride bikes, that's true
Or daddies pick them up from school
But that won't do for me you understand, understand

Other kids have horses, other kids have dogs
Other kids have hamsters, other kids have frogs
But the pet for me is something much more grand

Other kids ride bikes, that's true
Or daddies pick them up from school
But that won't do for me you understand, understand

Other kids have horses, other kids have dogs
Other kids have hamsters, other kids have frogs
But the pet for me is something much more grand
And benevolent, and elegant

And I've got an elephant, elephant
Riding on your back I'm in my element, element
It's true and it's a fact that there is so much you can learn
When you're on a pachyderm

Oh, elephant, elephant
Life's not so bad, it's swell of it to give me such a friend
Oh, elephant, elephant
I'm with you to the end
Elephant, elephant
I'm with you to the end
Goodnight elephant

You Only Want Me 'Cause You Want My Sister

You pulled up at the house at half past seven
In your '69 Impala, shook hands with my father
And we stopped off at the drug store by the drive-in
For some Trojans and a six-pack
Still your eyes kept wandering back to her
It's always her
So let's get one thing straightened out here, sir

If you think you're seeing double
Let me save you some trouble
This ain't no two-for-one bargain here, mister
'Cause I'm much more than just twice shy
I've had enough two-timing guys
Who only want me 'cause they want my sister

My eyes are just as blue as hers, my hair is just as fine
And the tattoo on her lower back's exactly just like mine
But if you look beneath the surface
We're as different as can be
'Cause there's just one heart that beats for you
And that heart belongs to me
And not to her, it's always her
So let's get one thing straight if I'm your girl

If you think you're seeing double
Let me save you some trouble
This ain't no two-for-one bargain here, mister
'Cause I'm much more than just twice shy
I've had enough two-timing guys
Who only want me 'cause they want my sister

And if tomorrow you should die
My sister would not bat an eye
She doesn't even know your name
She's going with some other guy
As long as she is still around
I'll always have a trace of doubt
I need to know your love is real, but how

We're all dressed up, the flowers sure are pretty
Mother pays her last respects
I look around, no one suspects
That it was me who put the Drano in her coffee
And now that she is underground
I'll know that you're not hanging 'round
For her, no, not for her
And now I'll know your love is true for sure

If you think you're seeing double
Let me save you some trouble
This ain't no two-for-one bargain here, mister
'Cause I'm much more than just twice shy
I've had enough two-timing guys
Who only want me 'cause they want my sister

It pains my heart to think of her
A rotting, stinking, maggot-infested
Bloated, and pus-oozing corpse beneath earth
You can't imagine just how much I miss her
But now I know you want me, not my sister

Tragic Events, part III

Evelyn, Evelyn
I just had the most terrible dream
I was walking on a street in a huge city
But all of the shops and all of the cars were empty
It was so quiet, and I knew that something was very wrong
And then I realised, you weren't there
I called for you, but no one answered
I looked for you everywhere, Evelyn

Hush, it was only a dream
Don't be scared
Remember, everything is going to be better soon, Evelyn

The year is two thousand four.
The Da Vinci code is the New York Time's number one bestseller
And the bombing at the Australian embassy in Jakarta leaves eleven dead
And on an open stretch of road, two sisters are waiting for a ride

On the eve of their 19th birthday,
The twins have covertly left their circus trailer
Packing their few worldly possessions
A change of clothes, their painted ukulele
And a battered photograph of Bimba and Kimba.
They walk nine miles under cover of night

After what seems like an endless wait
An eighteen-wheeled truck pulls over
And the driver, a retired professional wrestler named Tony
Offers the girls a ride

"Hey, little ladies
Why don't you slide on up in here, next to Tony."

Unskilled at Smalltalk
The twins sit wide-eyed and silent in the front seat
The driver, who had not initially noticed the twin's unique condition
Leaves the sisters at a gas station in Walla Walla, Washington

'Listen why don't you two just hang out here for a minute
I'll be right back...'

Not knowing where to go
The twins walk in to the nearby Don't Tell Motel
Run by one Montgomery Lubovich.
"You girls looking for a room?"

When it becomes apparent that they have no means to pay for their stay
Mister Lubovich offers to employ them in exchange for lodging and food
"Well you can stay here, but it ain't gonna be free"

The twins are given a small cot in the corner of the boiler room
And are put to work stuffing envelopes, licking stamps
And filling out hundreds of sweepstakes applications
Every day on Mister Lubovich's behalf

More so than ever before
The twins feel lonely at the Don't Tell.
They dream of befriending some of the other tenants
Many of whom are women their age
But whenever the shy sisters work up the courage
To approach one of these potential friends
They are met with looks of fear and disgust
"Oh my god. Candie, that thing is looking at us"

So they busied themselves by composing songs
And practising their ukulele technique
After two years at the Don't Tell
Mister Lubovich teaches the girls to search for and print
Sweepstakes applications by themselves
On the 486 Pentium computer behind the motel's front desk
"Now type w-w-w dot instant win frenzy dot com"

One day, while searching online for new sweepstakes application forms
The girls mistakenly stumble upon a social networking site
They navigate through the profiles of many musicians and performers
And see the great number of friends that they have

They are amazed, and intrigued
The twins redouble their efforts
And stay up late for a week
To perfect their singing and ukulele playing

Late one night
While Mister Lubovich is fast asleep
The twins creep out of the boiler room
To the front desk computer
To create their very own music profile page
Their heartbeats quicken
As their first song begins to upload

Just think of all the friends we're going to have, Evelyn
Thousands, thousands and thousands of friends, Evelyn
I'm so excited, Evelyn
Goodnight, Evelyn
Goodnight, Evelyn

My Space

It's hard enough to know
Where you're really supposed to go
When you're looking for a friendly face
Book a ticket to another place

You move your lips to speak
But they look at you like you're a freak
It's a struggle just to stay alive
Journals burning in a burning fire

Everyone stares, but nobody ever sees you
You go searching everywhere
But the feeling never leaves you

And you can't always want what you get
When you're looking for love
In a cafe on the internet
You want somewhere to hide
Where everyone can find you
You join hands with the world and say
"I just want my space"

Some people say the future's past
We're going down in an electro-blast
There are plenty other acts like you
Tube is full of them and they can see right through you

It's a big bad world out there
Everybody looking for a GIF to share
And you're crying out to find your friends
Turn around and they are gone again

Everyone stares, but nobody ever sees you
Try to vanish in thin air
But the feeling, it never leaves you

And you can't always want what you get
When you're looking for love
In a cafe on the internet
You want somewhere to hide
Where everyone can find you
You join hands with the world and say
"I just want my space"

And you can't always want what you get
When you're looking for love
In a cafe on the internet
You want somewhere to hide
Where everyone can find you
You join hands with the world and say
"I just want my space"

I just want to go where nobody knows my name
And no one notices or cares whether I came
I just want my friends altogether in one place
I just want control over the way they see my face
I just want to friend the entire human race
I just want my space
I just want my space
I just want my space
I just want my space
I just want my space

Love Will Tear Us Apart

(Curtis/Hook/Sumner/Morris)

When routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And resentment rides high
And emotions won't grow

And we're changing our ways
Taking different roads
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

Why is the bedroom so cold
You've turned away on your side
Is my timing that flawed
Have our feelings run dry

Yet there's still this appeal
We've kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

You cry out in your sleep
All my failings exposed
There's a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
Just that something so good
Just can't function no more

Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

Fake Plastic Trees

A green plastic watering can
For a fake chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth

That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself

And it wears her out, it wears her out
And it wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns

He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins

And it wears him out, it wears him out
And it wears him out, it wears him out

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time
All the time
All the time

High And Dry

Two jumps in a week
I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy
Flying on your motorcycle
Watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition
Kill yourself to never, ever stop
You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you are not

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation
You'll be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces
You just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you
When you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit on you
You'll be the one screaming out

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

It's the best thing that you ever had
The best thing that you ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had
The best thing that you ever had has gone away

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me
Don't leave me

No Surprises

A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal

You look so tired-unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us

I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises

Silence, silence

This is my final fit
My final bellyache

With no alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises, please.

Such a pretty house
And such a pretty garden

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises, please

Idioteque

Who's in the bunker
Who's in the bunker
Women and children first
Women and children first
Women and children
I'll laugh until my head comes off
I'll swallow Until I burst
Until I burst
Until I

Who's in the bunker
Who's in the bunker
I have seen too much
I haven't seen enough
You haven't seen
I'll laugh until my head comes off
Women and children first
And children first
And children

Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time
Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time

Ice age coming
Ice age coming
Let me hear both sides
Let me hear both sides
Let me hear both
Ice age coming
Ice age coming
Throw me in the fire
Throw me in the fire
Throw me in the

We're not scaremongering
This is really happening
Happening
We're not scaremongering
This is really happening
Happening
Mobiles quirking
Mobiles chirping
Take the money and run
Take the money and run
Take the money

Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time
Here I'm allowed
Everything all of the time

Creep

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running
She run, run, run, run, run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Exit Music (For A Film)

Wake from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape, we escape

Pack and get dressed
before your father hears us
before all hell breaks loose

Breathe, keep breathing
Don't lose your nerve
Breathe, keep breathing
I can't do this alone

Sing us a song
A song to keep us warm
There's such a chill, such a chill

And you can laugh a spineless laugh
We hope your rules and wisdom choke you

And now we are one
In everlasting peace

We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke

Makin' Whoopee

(Walter Donaldson / Gus Kahn)

Another bride, another June
Another sunny honeymoon
Another season, another reason
For makin' whoopee

A lot of shoes, a lot of rice
The groom is nervous, he answers twice
It's really killin'
That he's so willin' to make whoopee
*Uh*

Picture a little love nest
Down where the roses cling
Picture that same sweet love nest
Think what a year can bring

He's washin dishes and baby clothes
He's so ambitious he even sews
But don't forget folks
That's what you get folks, for makin' whoopee

Another year, or maybe less
What's this I hear
Oh, can't you guess
She feels neglected, and he's suspected
Of makin' whoopee

Oh, she sits at home
Most every night
He doesn't phone, he doesn't write
He says he's busy
And she says, "Is he?"
He's makin' whoopee
*Uh*

He doesn't make much money
Only five thousand per
Some judge who thinks he's funny
Says, "He'll give six to her."

And he says, "Judge, what I fail?"
The judge say, "Budge straight into jail.
You'd better keep her. I think it's cheaper
Than makin' whoopee."

I can do the dishes while talking on the phone
I could ask you for an answer but you want to be alone
I can never do the dishes a single dish at a time
It's too much of a commitment so I line them up and fire

I could calamine your insides
I could wind them all around me
I could tiptoe on a tightrope
Made of fear and looking down see
All the people, do they see me
I could wave or I can carry
All the dishes that they gave me
That are keeping me steady

Or I could go to Australia
Carry a bowie knife
And wear my hair like Hepburn parted on the side
And learn card tricks and buy
Everyone drinks and take boxing and write
Songs about my bowie knife

I could do these dishes
I could try to do these dishes
I could try...

I could bake a cake
My kitchen is small but I could clear the space
I could write my name
Because practice makes perfect, yes that's what they say
I could make a button out of plaster that said finished
I could hang it in my closet to the left side of the light switch
I could walk down to a Columbus and try drinking to forget it
And then come home less afraid and then press it and press it

Or I could go to Australia
Carry a bowie knife
And wear my hair like Hepburn parted on the side
And learn card tricks and buy
Everyone drinks and take boxing and try
Eating things only with chopsticks and write
Songs about my bowie knife

I could do these dishes
I could try to do these dishes
I could decide to do these dishes
I could decide

Or I could go to Australia
And carry a bowie knife and wear my hair
Like Hepburn parted on the side
And learn card tricks and physics and buy
Everyone drinks and take boxing and try
Eating things only with chopsticks and finally be
Like a person I think you might like

I could do these dishes
I could try to do these dishes
I could decide to do these dishes
I could decide to do these dishes
Time to decide!

Fuck it
I'm gonna go to Australia
I'm gonna go to Australia
I'm gonna go to Australia
She's gonna go to Australia!
Bye-bye

You tell me that you love me when I'm lying by your side
You tell me that I am the only one who understands your troubled mind
That I'm blind to any evil you can do
And that I love you more than any other girl could ever do

You love the things that I love: you love art and you love books
And you love love as much as I do and you love my dirty looks
And you love me right now
So how
Can you love...

Vegemite. It tastes like sadness
It tastes like batteries. It tastes like asses
I cannot hold a man so close who spreads this cancer on his toast
It is the Vegemite, my darling, or it's me

You have to make a fucking choice
I cannot sit with you at breakfast
The very smell of it obliterates my senses
And if that weren't bad enough
You also eat the shit for lunch
Which means we can't spend any time together
What kind of relationship is that?

The choice is yours, my heart is in your hands
Please wash your hands
You just had Vegemite for lunch you selfish bastard

It's all about you, isn't it
It's just take, take, take, take
What about me!
What about my feelings!
I'm sorry...

"I had this really awful experience when I was six years old and our British next door neighbour,
Christopher Gill, he was babysitting us, and he made me eat
An entire spoonful of marmite. Which is just like Vegemite, pretty much, except it's, even grosser
But he had told me - he made me eat it by telling me it was chocolate fudge
So I swallowed the whole thing and then I had to go to the bathroom and throw up,
and it really traumatised me, and I'm sorry I get so emotional, I just..."

I love you
And no matter what you eat
I'll always love you completely
I might just always leave the room at meal times
Or refuse to kiss or touch you for a week
If you insist on putting that foul death paste in your mouth

You're in my heart, but put yourself inside my shoes
I have to know, it shouldn't be that hard to choose
I know it's tearing you apart, but it's the way it has to be
It is the Vegemite, my darling
It is the Vegemite, my darling
Put down the Vegemite, you fucker, or I'll leave

(Amanda Palmer feat. Young Punx)

(Oh my God - again)
They don't play the song on the radio
(Oh my God - again)
They don't play the song on the radio
(Oh my God - again)

They don't play the song on the radio
They don't show the tits on the video
They don't know that we are the media
They don't know that we start the mania
Your eyes don't want to see what I'm making you
Your ass is off its seat and I'm shaking you
Walking down the street I'm the lady - ah -
Showing off my map of Tasmania

(Oh my God - again)
(Oh my God - again)

Soft and sweet and shaped like a triangle
Some girls want no shape and they shave it all
That's so whack, it hurts with the stubble
Walking 'round and look like an eight-year-old
Soft and sweet and shaped like a triangle
Some girls want no shape and they shave it all
That's so whack, it hurts with the stubble
Walking 'round and look like an eight-year-old

I say grow that shit like a jungle
Give 'em something strong to hold onto
Let it fly in the open wind
If it get too bushy, you can trim

They don't play the song on the radio
They don't show the tits on the video
They don't know that we are the media
They don't know that we start the mania
You eyes don't want to see what I'm making you
Your ass is off its seat and I'm shaking you
Walking down the street I'm the lady - ah -
Showing off my map of Tasmania

They don't play the song on the radio
They don't show the tits on the video
They don't know that we are the media
They don't know that we start the mania
You eyes don't want to see what I'm making you
Your ass is off its seat and I'm shaking you
Walking down the street I'm the lady - ah -
Showing off my map of Tasmania

(Oh my God - again)
Showing off my map of Tasmania
(Oh my God - again)
Showing off my map of Tasmania
(Oh my God - again)
Showing off my map of Tasmania
(Oh my God - again)
Showing off my map of Tasmania

(Oh my God - again)
(Oh my God - again)
Showing off my map of Tasmania

In My Mind

(Amanda Palmer feat. Brian Viglione)

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm a hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hungover
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'm not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the far-away here-and-now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never fucking-up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now, I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
If that's what I wanted
Then I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't want to be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying, I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says, I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this win-less fight
Maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I want to live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be
Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be

Bad Wine And Lemon Cake

( Amanda Palmer feat. The Jane Austen Argument )

I have a little house
Close to town, but not to the city
Far from home, but near my family
No water views, but so close to the sea
I see
This is how my little life could be

And I'm filling it with things
Like furniture that I find on the street
And all the special things I'd like to eat
Pictures of people that I'd like to meet
I'll meet them when I'm orbiting the world

And it's so pretty
And so lonely

My little love affairs
Are all scheduled 'round the TV guide
And my sex life has all been plagiarized
In an attempt to meet a harsh deadline...

I'd like to rent-a-wife
Then rent a husband to keep her for life
The three of us, we could be so happy
Them with each other, me with company
I'll see them off on a flight around the world...

And it's so pretty
And so lonely

I could just die
I might just die
I could just die
I might just die

And at my funeral
They will say "Tom, he was such a nice guy,
He went too early, but he went in style."
They'll play my music and then they will cry

They'll have a little wake
They'll drink bad wine and they'll eat lemon cake
And my mother's little heart will break
And she will say:
"Wait! There must be some mistake,
He can't be dead
Take me instead!"

Oh, but I'm not dead
They tell me I'm not dead
They say that I'm not dead
And I won't die for some time

I'm in my little house
Just writing little songs to pass the time
Which incidentally is seven forty-nine
So don't you worry, I'm completely fine
I'm fine
Don't you worry, I'm completely fine
I'm fine
Don't you worry, I'm completely fine
I'm fine
Don't you worry, I'm completely fine
I'm fine, I am just so fucking fine

New Zealand New Zealand
You caught me on an awful day
My little life is all fucked up
My psyche is in disarray

New Zealand New Zealand
I
You know, you'll notice for those of you singing along
And I don't know how the fuck you know the words for this song
You must have listened to it a million times on Youtube
I did a little tweeking of the lyrics
I hope you don't mind Now I feel so guilty
I only played this song live, like, once
A year ago

New Zealand New Zealand
You caught me on an awful day
My little life is all fucked up
My psyche is in disarray

New Zealand New Zealand
I wish i could enjoy you more
I wish i had more time to see your
Cliffsides and your blackened shores

New Zealand New Zealand
I don't know why I tour this way
Trapped inside an aeroplane
And twittering the scenery

New Zealand New Zealand
I feel like shit what can i say
My period is six days late
My pubic hair is turning grey

But I don't believe in the beauty standard
And there's no way that I'm pregnant
So it's technically okay

Everything is so beautiful here
The people on Cuba Street drinking their beers
I wish I could stay here and never go hume
I wish I could be like Holly Hunter in the Piano
And not have to talk to anyone
Even though there's technically nothing wrong with my voice
And just play piano and make love to hot local boys

New Zealand New Zealand
You cought me at the end of tour
My will power's collapsing
And I can not do this anymore

New Zealand New Zealand
My song is coming to an end
I hope you have enjoyed it
And I hope I get my period

And I hope I haven't grossed you out
But that's what happens when you
Ask me to write a song about your country in twenty minutes

On An Unknown Beach

I'm a pale intruder on an unknown beach,
My back to the water, my feet in the sand
Finding no recognition as each sign of life
Invades the precision of this aging land

An abandoned flipper in a world of storms
There's a man on the shoreline with a white parakeet
Trying to make his bird go home

With increasing continuity endless space
Gazes 'round the periphery not disheartened
Wearing its most inexpressible face

My instinct is double as the waves roll by
But my vision is halved and the foam in the green
As the insects talk to the blazing sky

Wax in the ear, stitch in the side
Wolves are feast for the blind
Under and over, the why and the wherefore
Easy to sit back with time
Driving discussions like cranes through the car park
Setting them all in a line
All interceding, not yet proceeding
Misleading doubts in my mind

I'm a pale intruder on an unknown beach
My back to the water, my feet in the sand
Needing no recognition as each sign of life
Invades the precision of this aging land

We're Happy Little Vegemites

We're happy little Vegemites
As bright as bright can be
We all enjoy our Vegemite
For breakfast, lunch, and tea
Our mummies say we're growing stronger
Every single week
Because we love our Vegemite
We all adore our Vegemite
It puts a rose in every cheek

Travelling in circles
The world's a sinking oyster
And my bed's become unfathomably wide

Oh work and work and work and work and
Dream about the cloister
And occasionally get out to see the sun
Not shine

Then I see him at a distance
He is devilishly handsome
He is charming and impeccably dressed

He has a little black bag with him
And what's in it isn't certain
But I'm going to take an educated guess

And I'm starting to feel faint now
Like a lady in a movie
Someone fetch ammonia and some towels
But it needs to be administered
By a fellow who is registered

Is there a doctor in the house

Doctor Oz, Doctor Oz
Doctor Oz, Doctor Oz
Doctor Oz, Doctor Oz
Doctor Oz
Show me how they treat you in the south

You call this artic bullshit summer
It's a sad excuse for weather
And I want to crawl and live inside the couch

But despite the bitter chills and
The difficulty breathing
There's a fire in my stomach
And it won't go out

Until I'm travelling in circles
And the world's a sinking oyster
And my bed's becoming unfathomably wide

Oh work and work and work and
Dream about the cloister
And occasionally get out to see the sun
Not shine

Could it be an illness
I've contracted from the business
And could it be transmittable by mouth

You my friends are witness
As I try to kick the sickness
Is there a doctor in the house

Doctor Oz, Doctor Oz
Doctor Oz, Doctor Oz
Doctor Oz, Doctor Oz
Doctor Oz
Show me how you do it in the south

A Formidable Marinade

(Feat. Mikelangelo And The Black Sea Gentlemen & Lance Horne)

I have seen you in a Turkish bath
I didn't know if I should cry or laugh
Nakedness has a sweet, sweet smell
That sends me down to the pits of hell
The steam, that rises from the water
Tells me you are Satan's daughter
If I am the devil's son
Into the darkness we should run

Sodomy is not just for animals
Human flesh, is not just for cannibals
I'll feast on your body if you'll feast on mine
Blood is thicker, and redder than wine
Lay ourselves out, upon the table
Ravish each other 'till we're no longer able
When juices mix in the heat of the fray
It will make a formidable marinade

If I put my hand in Pandora's box
And I was smitten by a deathly pox
If I were a leper or the warts on a toe
Would you think well of me, when I go
If I wrote my name with a razorblade
In the palm of your hand, would it still fade
If I kissed your lips would you think it wrong
Or would you come along with me

Sodomy is not just for animals
And human flesh, is not just for cannibals
I'll feast on your body if you'll feast on mine
Blood is thicker, and redder than wine
Lay ourselves out, upon the table
Ravish each other 'till we're no longer able
When juices mix in the heat of the fray
It will make a formidable, a formidable marinade

I'll roast you on the spit like a fatted calf
When you're done I'll split your body in half
Climb into your reddened core
Curl up tight, and close the door
And in your body I'll dream of things
Like geese, mustard, cabbages and kings
Thermos full of chocolate sauce
And men who live on only remorse

Sodomy is not just for animals
And human flesh, is not just for cannibals
I'll feast on your body if you'll feast on mine
Blood is thicker, and redder than wine
Lay ourselves out, upon the table
Ravish each other 'till we're no longer able
When juices mix in the heat of the fray
It will make a formidable, a formidable marinade
A formidable marinade

The Ship Song

Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you call around

Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you call around

We talk about it all night long
We define our moral ground
When I crawl into your arms
Everything, it comes tumbling down

Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you call around

Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you call around

Your face looks sad now
For you know the time is nigh
When I must remove your wings
And you, you must try to fly

Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you call around

Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you call around

An Evening With Neil Gaiman & Amanda Palmer

Makin' Whoopee

(Walter Donaldson / Gus Kahn)

Another bride, another June
Another sunny honeymoon
Another season, another reason
For makin' whoopee

A lot of shoes, a lot of rice
The groom is nervous, he answers twice
It's really killin'
That he's so willin' to make whoopee
*Uh*

Picture a little love nest
Down where the roses cling
Picture that same sweet love nest
Think what a year can bring

He's washin dishes and baby clothes
He's so ambitious he even sews
But don't forget folks
That's what you get folks, for makin' whoopee

Another year, or maybe less
What's this I hear
Oh, can't you guess
She feels neglected, and he's suspected
Of makin' whoopee

Oh, she sits at home
Most every night
He doesn't phone, he doesn't write
He says he's busy
And she says, "Is he?"
He's makin' whoopee
*Uh*

He doesn't make much money
Only five thousand per
Some judge who thinks he's funny
Says, "He'll give six to her."

And he says, "Judge, what I fail?"
The judge say, "Budge straight into jail.
You'd better keep her. I think it's cheaper
Than makin' whoopee."

The Problem With Saints

I wish that Joan of Arc wouldn't hang around the park
Pronouncing that she won't get burned again
Her arm is very shiny and her message is divine
But I wish she'd take a day off now and then

She said
"It clears your head when you come back from the dead
With your sword as sharp as anything that cuts"
And to prove it she bisected three young tourists from Utrecht
Which rapidly displayed a lot of guts

She says we need to raise a brand new army
And the flag of France so proudly she'll unfold
And the people that she hated will be neatly bifurcated
And the British will no longer rule the world

She says it was a mistake to let them burn her at the stake
And she learned a lesson back there in the flames
So she's going to kill the Queen
And then she'll rescue old Orléans
And it's really hard to hang around with saints
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I think I ought to tell her that the English left in failure
And they don't go back to France except on hols
But I saw her vivisect a man who wanted to correct her
And the playground soon resembled

She says we need to raise a brand new army
And she marched us round until we couldn't stand
She says the nation she abhors will soon be writhing on the floor
And the British will no longer rule her land

And she's waiting for the dauphin
That will come across the ocean
And knows that God agrees with her complaints
So I'm hoping she'll ignore my English accent in her war
Cause it's really hard to hang around with saints

She says we need to raise a brand new army
And the flag of France so proudly she'll unfold
And the people that she hated will be neatly bifurcated
And the British will no longer rule
The British will no longer rule
The British will no longer rule the world!

Oh, how delightful!
Don't mind if I do
Help myself to a cup of this broken heart stew
I'm alarmingly hungry, I realize
And moved by the pleasant aroma
And bloody-red hue
Cooked from scratch from a base still fast-feeding and blue
Stir in nursery rhymes, beets, and bouillon cubes
Add potatoes and eggplants
Then slowly infuse with a bag of red wine
Bits of me, bits of you
And I'm sure this is healthy
As I'm sure that it's true
That roses are red, and violets are violet
As I sit here alone at this table for two
Scribbling words to myself and conversing with food
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
As I sit here alone at this table for two
Realizing that perhaps
You're not actually coming
You're not coming
And that maybe tonight, I'll have to sleep alone
Even though I'd much rather be held
And then maybe, we only try to fall in love
To have something to do
But that's a lonely and tasteless and bitter excuse
When you're starving to death even fingers will do
Cutting out our own organs and limbs to make fuel
For a ship that's set sail with an underfed crew
And the paperboy's there and the butcher and you
And we navigate, lost in our vessel of glue
And banana peel vinyl, and driftwood and muse
Tossing violently in your sleep
As you move through this simmering ocean
Of broken heart stew

Electric Blanket

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
Nothing in the world can keep me warm

I close the door, I close my eyes,
I plug you in the wall
I think it might be snowing out
But I don't have to know
Whenever you're around me I don't need to notice
Anything at all

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
Nothing in this world is any fun

I plug you in, I plug the drain
I let the water run
Floating in a place where no one
Sees what I have done
No one ever lies or steals or
Tries to turn the air-conditioning on

Pum pum pum pum

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
Nothing in the world can keep me warm
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I close the door, I close my eyes
I plug you in the wall
It might be really nice outside
But I don't have to know
Someday when the lights come on I doubt they'll notice
Anything at all

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
Electric blanket

I Google you
Late at night when I don't know what to do
I find photos
You've forgotten
You were in
Put up by your friends

I Google you
When the day is done and everything is through
I read your journal
That you kept
That month in France
I've watched you dance

And I'm pleased your name is practically unique
It's only you and
A would-be phd in Chesapeake
Who writes papers on
The structure of the sun
I've read each one

I know that I
Should let you fade
But there's that box
And there's your name
Somehow it never makes the pain
Grow less or fade or disappear
I think that I should save my soul and
I should crawl back in my hole
But it's too easy just to fold
And type your name again
I fear
I google you
Whenever I'm alone and feeling blue
And each scrap of information
That I gather
Says you've got somebody new
And it really shouldn't matter
Ought to blow up my computer
But instead…
I google you

(Momus cover)

I like you, and I'd like you to like me to like you
But I don't need you, don't need you to need me to like you
Because if you didn't like me, I would still like you, you see
La la la la la la...

I lick you, and I'd like you to like me to lick you
But I don't need you, don't need you to like me to lick you
If your pleasure turned into pain, I would still lick for my personal gain
La la la la la la...

I fuck you, and I'd like you to like me to fuck you
But I don't fucking need you, don't need you to need me to fuck you
If you need me to need you to fuck, that fucks everything up
La la la la la la...

I want you, and I want you to want me to want you
But I don't need you, don't need you to need me to need you
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
That's just me, so take me or leave me
But please don't need me, don't need me to need you to need me
Because we're here a minute, the next we're dead
So love me or leave me but try not to need me
Enough said

I want you, but I don't need you...

I love you, and I love how you love how I love you
But I don't need you, don't need you to need me to love you
If your love changed into hate, would my love had been a mistake?
I don't know. I don't know.

So I'm gunna leave you, I'd like you to leave me to leave you
But love, believe me; it isn't because I don't need you
(You know I don't need you)
All I wanted was to be wanted
But you're drowning me deep in your need to be needed
La la la la la la...

I want you, and I want you to want me to want you
But I don't need you, don't need you to need me to lead you

That's just me, so take me or leave me
But please don't need me, don't need me to need you to need me
Because we're here a minute, the next we're dead
So love me or leave me but try not to need me
Enough said

I want you, but I don't need you...

Dear Old House

Dear old house that I grew up in
I know that I'm gonna leave you any day
Dear old house that I grew up in
Can't you find a way to make 'em stay

And all the girls I went to school with
Walked downtown with all the cool kids
I was staked out in your cellar
Making friends with dead umbrella
And every creak of every floorboard
Tells the story of the girl I stuck inside
And if they move away
I'll have no place to hide

Dear old house that I grew up in
I've never really been in love
You took my heart when I was a child
Noises wrapped around my little body like a winter glove
You're just a random set of objects
In a town that's filled with sadness
In the armpit of the world
You're chopped down trees and rotting soil
And if I wanted to I'd keep you
I'd fill you up and heat you

With the market how it is, Amanda
Well you know, the price of oil

Goodbye stairs, and goodbye stars on painted walls at home
Attic door, and banister, I'll miss you most of all
You were supposed to keep me safe
This wasn't supposed to end
Does it sound ridiculous
To call you my best friend

Dear old house that I grew up in
I know I haven't visited that much
But, every lifeless hotel and apartment i walk into
Just reminds me of the doorknobs that i want to touch
I won't miss you, when they sell you
To some evil yuppie couple
With the child who'll put miley cyrus posters in my bedroom

I am a native of the north
I am a rock star on the road
I am now permanently located in each place i am known
But it doesn't feel like anywhere
When you can't go back home

Dear old house that I grew up in
I know it isn't your fault this panned out,
Please don't take it personally

Love,
Amanda

P.s. - tell the evil yuppie couple, that I'm rich
I'll buy them out

Gaga Palmer Madonna : A Polemic

She is apart of the music continuum
And she's apart of this difficult world
And she wears outfits made out of aluminium
She is a 23, she is a 23, she is a 23 and a half year old girl

I am apart of the music continuum
And I'm apart of this difficult world
And I'm often naked and play the accordion
I am a 33,I am a 33,I am a 33 and a half year old girl

She is part of the music continuum
And also part of this difficult world
She was the first one to often have no clothes on
She is not 53, she's only 50
But I used her anyway 'cause she fits well in this song

Art is great, that way you can do anything
You can make pop music, you can paint ducks
But it your a pop star and your a women
Then it's much more likely that people will say your art sucks

Making pop music isn't for everyone
Actually, that's wrong, it technically is
That's why it's pop music
Now I've confused myself
I'm gonna start a new verse and I'll say it like this

Some artists focus on love and simplicity
Some artists focus on fashion and fame
Then sometimes some artists try to do everything
Which is impossible-I think those people are brave

Art is simple just ask Andy Warhol
If he weren't dead he would tell you the truth
Call it a masterpiece, call it a urinal
It doesn't matter, it's art so there's nothing to prove

I'm not sure what this point of this song was
And I know this song doesn't actually have to have
Any point at it all, even good rhymes in it

Like Lady Gaga and also Madonna
I'm just trying to entertain people
Make a living, and pay my rent
Without having to get a job I hate
And hopefully find an audience
Who will love and accept me
And not think I'm a narcissist
For wanting to be a performer
And find true inner peace and that's it
(Except it's not)

Now a question to further our dialog
Is all art real art and is pop art art
And if someone talented wants to make pop music
why should we worry when there's so much other shit wrong

This song took less time to write and record
And post straight onto youtube then writing a blog
I think it's possible I may do more of these
Please leave your comments especially if you think I'm wrong

People keep asking me why I do things how I do
And all of this measuring influence I forgot you
You and me hiding behind the monhegan hotel
And you told me things that nobody around me would tell

That was the summer that everyone touched me at once
One day they ignored me the next they were all down my pants
You were in bed with me safe before anyone else
You opened beside me and held me when i needed help

You and me lying together at night in my room
You've been inside me forever, Judy Blume

I couldn't carry a tune but I thought I could sing
And no-one had told me that thoughts were a good or bad thing
But I started noticing grown-ups would smile and cringe
But you'd taught me that you could say anything you could think

I don't remember my friends from gymnastics class
But I remember when deenie was at the school dance
Buddy feeling her up in the locker room
Margaret bored counting hats in the synagogue
Davey was stirring the tea that she wouldn't drink
Tony was watching his so-called friend shoplifting
All them lived in my head quietly whispering
You are not so strange

I don't remember the details of 7th grade
All I remember is lying and being afraid
But I won't forget katherine and michael going all the way
Karen pretending to puke so her dad would stay
Steph on the scale in the bathroom alone that day
Margaret arguing with god while she masturbated
All of them stacked on my shelf like a love letter
All of them saying amanda you know better
You are not to blame
The world's a vicious place
So go on and think how you want
You will not be alone in your thoughts
Well you will but you wont in a way
'Cause a girl thought it too in a book that the library bought

People'll keep asking me why I do things like I do
And from now on I'll tell them Nick Cave and I'll talk about you
Judy I can't believe sometimes that I'm an adult
And that girls like I was think that I have this shit figured out

You and me lying together at night in my room
You'll be inside them forever, Judy Blume

I Don't Care Much

I don't care much
Go or stay
I don't care very much
Either way

Hearts grow hard
On a windy street
Lips grow cold
With the rent to meet
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
So if you kiss me
If we touch
Warning's fair
I don't care
Very much

I don't care much
Go or stay
I don't care very much
Either way

Words sound false
When your coat's too thin
Feet don't waltz
When the roof caves in

So if you kiss me
If we touch
Warning's fair
I don't care very much

Map of Tasmania

(Oh my God - fuck it)
They don't play the song on the radio
(Oh my God - fuck it)
They don't play the song on the radio
(Oh my God - fuck it)

They don't play the song on the radio
They don't show the tits on the video
They don't know that we are the media
They don't know that we start the mania
Your eyes don't want to see what I'm making you
Your ass is off its seat and I'm shaking you
Walking down the street I'm the lady - ah -
Showing off my map of Tasmania

(Oh my God - fuck it)
(Oh my God - fuck it)

Soft and sweet and shaped like a triangle
Some girls want no shape and they shave it all
That's so whack, it hurts with the stubble
Walking 'round and look like an eight-year-old
Soft and sweet and shaped like a triangle
Some girls want no shape and they shave it all
That's so whack, it hurts with the stubble
Walking 'round and look like an eight-year-old

I say grow that shit like a jungle
Give 'em something strong to hold onto
Let it fly in the open wind
If it get too bushy, you can trim

They don't play the song on the radio
They don't show the tits on the video
They don't know that we are the media
They don't know that we start the mania
You eyes don't want to see what I'm making you
Your ass is off its seat and I'm shaking you
Walking down the street I'm the lady - ah -
Showing off my map of Tasmania

They don't play the song on the radio
They don't show the tits on the video
They don't know that we are the media
They don't know that we start the mania
You eyes don't want to see what I'm making you
Your ass is off its seat and I'm shaking you
Walking down the street I'm the lady - ah -
Showing off my map of Tasmania

(Oh my God - fuck it)
Showing off my map of Tasmania
(Oh my God - fuck it)
Showing off my map of Tasmania
(Oh my God - fuck it)
Showing off my map of Tasmania
(Oh my God - fuck it)
Showing off my map of Tasmania

(Oh my God - fuck it)
(Oh my God - fuck it)
Showing off my map of Tasmania

Do You Swear To Tell The Truth The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth So Help Your Black Ass

When I was six years old my sister Alyson
Asked for a stove for her birthday
A miniature one you could actually cook with
And my mom was nice and she bought one

Alyson needed a reason to bake something
Barged in my room and she grabbed me
She said:
"I made a cake and we're going next door
To Sam Weinstein's and you're getting married"

The cake was burned
It tasted gross
She made me kiss him
On the mouth

Now I am 33
Unmarried happily
No plans in life and I'm planning to keep it that way
I do kissing with only one mission
Do you like to kiss? Then you have my permission

And I have already spent too much time
Doing things I didn't want to
So if I just want to make out all the time
You can bet your black ass that I'm going to

When i was nine i was kind of a loser
The kids in my class didn't like me
Melanie chow was the meanest of all
And my mom made me go to her party

Nobody talked to me I sat there quietly
Drawing with crayons on a napkin
A picture of Melanie skewered with a pitchfork
Her legs getting eaten by lions

The cake was good
I took some home
I had a party
In my room

Now I have friends and I'm not such a loser
But I go to bars all alone and I sit there
And order red wine and I write and I like being alone around people
Yes that's how I like it

And I've already spent too much time
Doing things I didn't want to
So if I wanna sit here and write and drink wine
You can bet your black ass that I'm going to

Yes I come here often
Sure I'll have another one
Yes I come here often
Sure I'll have another one
But I don't have to talk to you

When I was 17 I was a blowjob queen
Picking up tips from the masters
I was so busy perfecting my art I was clueless to what they were after
Now I'm still a blowjob queen (far more selectively)
I don't make love now to make people love me
But I don't mind sharing my gift with the planet
We're all gonna die and a blowjob's fantastic

And

When I was 25 I was a rock star
But it didn't pay too well I had to strip on the side
Of the road to get ready for shows and the cars driving by
Baby they'd never know
What a bargain they'd gotten
And if I'm forgotten
I'm perfectly happy with all that has happened
And I still get laughed at but it doesn't bother me
I'm just so glad to hear laughter around me

And I've already spent too much time
Doing things I didn't want to

So if I want to drink alone dressed like a pirate
Or look like a dyke
Or wear high heels and lipstick
Or hide in a convent
Or try to be mayor
Or marry a writer
Smoke crack and slash tires
Make jokes you don't like
Or paint ducks and retire

You can bet your black ass that I'm going to

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

(Death Cab For a Cutie Cover)

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangcock to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Look Mummy No Hands

(Dilly Keane Cover / Live)

Remember the fair ma
The two of us there ma
By the merry-go-round

I stood there entranced
As the bright colours danced
To the magical sound

Just a dollar for pleasure untold
And I rode in a world of scarlet and gold

Look mummy no hands
I'm riding the roundabout all by myself
Look mummy no hands
I called as I passed her
Faster and faster
Hold on tight darling
She called out in fear
But I laughed and pretended
That I couldn't hear
How careless we are when we're young

Remember the years
Of the salt and the tears
Do you recall

I hated you when you said
Be back by ten
I knew it all

Always asking to know what I'd done
But as far as I knew
I was just having fun

Look mummy no hands
I know how to take good care of myself
Look mummy no hands
Please don't be a bore
'Cause I know the score
She tried to warn me
But I wouldn't heed her
I was grown up
And I didn't need her
How careless we are when we're young

Remember the daughter
And all that you taught her
She's grown up at last

With a life of her own
She struggles alone
As the years all fly past

But now you're not there
To answer her call
You're not there to catch her
When she stumbles and falls

Look mummy no hands
I'm having to do this all by myself
Look mummy no hands
I used to dismiss you
Now I just miss you
As my child grows away from me
I feel my heart sinking
But I look back and smile
And I find myself thinking
How careless we are when we're young

Ukulele Anthem

(Digital song)

Sid vicious played a four-string fender bass guitar and couldn't sing
And everybody hated him except the ones who loved him
A ukulele has four strings, but Sid did not play ukulele
He did smack and probably killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen

If only Sid had had a ukulele, maybe he would have been happy
Maybe he would not have suffered such a sad end
He maybe would have not done all that heroin instead
He maybe would've sat around just singing nice songs to his girlfriend

So play your favourite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
'Cause even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing
Do your homework with a fork and eat your fruit loops in the dark
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work and play your ukulele

Ukulele small and forceful
Ukulele brave and peaceful
You can play the ukulele too it is painfully simple
Play your ukulele badly, play your ukulele loudly
Ukulele banish evil
Ukulele save the people
Ukulele gleaming golden on the top of every steeple

Lizzie Borden took an axe, and gave her mather thirty whacks
Then gave her father thirty-one, and left a tragic puzzle
If only they had given her an instrument, those puritans
Had lost the plot completely, see what happens when you muzzle

A person's creativity and do not let them sing and scream
And nowadays it's worse 'cause kids have automatic handguns
It takes about an hour to teach someone to play the ukulele
About same to teach someone to build a standard pipe bomb
You do the math

So play your favourite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
'Cause even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing
Do your homework with a fork and eat your fruit loops in the dark
And bring your flask of jack to work and play your ukulele

Ukulele, thing of wonder
Ukulele, wand of thunder
You can play the ukulele, too in London and down under
Play Joan jett, and play Jacques Brel
And Eminem and Neutral Milk Hotel
Tell the children crush the hatred, play your ukulele naked
And if anybody tries to steal your ukulele, let them take it

Imagine there's no music, imagine there are no songs
Imagine that John Lennon wasn't shot in front of his apartment
Now imagine if John Lennon had composed "imagine" for the ukulele
Maybe people would have truly got the message

You may think my approach is simple-minded and naïve
Like if you want to change the world then why not quit and feed the hungry
But people for millennia have needed music to survive
And that is why I've promised John that I will not feel guilty

So play your favourite Beatles' song
And make the subway fall in love
They're only $19.95, that is not a lot of money
Play until the sun comes up
And play until your fingers suffer
Play Lcd Soundsystem songs on your ukulele
Quit the bitching on your blog
And stop pretending art is hard
Just limit yourself to three chords
And do not practice daily
You'll minimize some stranger's sadness
With a piece of wood and plastic
Holy fuck it's so fantastic, playing ukulele
Eat your homework with a fork
And do your fruit loops in the dark
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work
Your flask of jack
Your vibrator
Your fear of heights
Your Nikon lens
Your mom and dad
Your disco stick
Your soundtrack to "karate kid"
Your ginsu knives
Your rosary
Your new rebecca black cd
Your favourite room
Your bowie knife
Your stuffed giraffe
Your new glass eye
Your sousaphone
Your breakfast tea
Your Nick Drake tapes
Your giving tree
Your ice cream truck
Your missing wife
Your will to live
Your urge to cry
Remember we're all going to die
So play your ukulele

Attempt to Sing a Birthday Song/Lou Reed Misgivings

It's your birthday, Neil
I'm gonna give you something that you like
A song by Lou Reed or The Velvet Underground every night
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
It will be all right
Like in every Velvet Underground song
Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright

Satellite Of Love

(Lou Reed)

Satellite's gone up to the skies
Things like that drive me out of my mind

I watched it for a little while
I like to watch things on TV

Satellite of love
Satellite of love
Satellite of love
Satellite of

Satellite's gone way up to Mars
Soon it will be filled with parking cars
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I watch it for a little while
I love to watch things on TV

Satellite of love
Satellite of love
Satellite of love
Satellite of

I've been told that you've been bold
With Harry, Mark and John
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
With Harry, Mark and John
I don't know what this bitch is doing in the song

Satellite's gone up to the skies
Things like that drive me out of my mind

I watched it for a little while
I love to watch things on TV

Satellite of love
Satellite of love
Satellite of love
Satellite of love

Satellite of love, love, love
Satellite of love, love, love
Satellite of love, love, love
Satellite of love, love, love

Walk On The Wild Side

(Lou Reed)

Holly came from Miami, FLA
Hitchhiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She said, "Hey, babe, take a walk on the wild side"
She said, "Hey, honey, take a walk on the wild side"

Candy came from out on the island
In the backroom she was everybody's darling
But she never lost her head
Even when she was given head
She said, "Hey, babe, take a walk on the wild side"
She said, "Hey, honey, take a walk on the wild side"
And everybody said, "Do doodoo..."
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Little Joe never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay and pay
A hustle here and a hustle there
New York City is the place where
They said, "Hey, babe, take a walk on the wild side"
They said, "Hey, honey, take a walk on the wild side"

Sugar Plum Fairy came and hit the streets
Looking for soul food and a place to eat
Went to the Apollo
You should've seen him go go-go
They said, "Hey, sugar, take a walk on the wild side"
They said, "Hey, honey, take a walk on the wild side"

Jackie is just speeding away
Thought she was James Dean for a day
Then I guess she had to crash
Valium would've helped that bash
She said, "Hey, babe, take a walk on the wild side"
She said, "Hey, honey, take a walk on the wild side"
And everybody said "Doo doodoo…"

Another Birthday Song Attempt in Another Theater

It's almost your birthday, Neil Gaiman
But you're gonna live in the same shirt that you came in
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I know right now what you really need
Is a song by The Velvet Underground or Lou Reed

I'm Waiting For My Man

(The Velvet Underground)

I'm waiting for my man
Twenty-six dollars in my hand
Oh up to Lexington, 125
Just sick and dirty, more dead than alive
I'm waiting for my man

Hey, white boy
What you doing uptown
Hey, white boy
You chasing our women around
Oh no no, pardon me sir, it's the furthest from my mind
I'm just looking for a dear, dear friend of mine
I'm waiting for my man
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Here he comes
He's all dressed in black
PR shoes and a big straw hat
Oh he is never early, he's always late
First thing you learn is that you always gotta wait
I'm waiting for my man

Up to a Brownstone, and up three flights of stairs
No, everybody's pinned you, but nobody cares
Oh he's got the works, gives you sweet taste
Then you gotta split because you got no time to waste
I'm waiting for my man
I'm waiting for my man
I'm waiting for my man

Oh baby, don't you worry
Darling, don't you bawl and shout
Oh I'm feeling good
You know I'm gonna work it on out
Oh I'm feeling good
I'm feeling oh so fine
Until tomorrow, but that's just some other time
I'm waiting for my man
Oh I'm waiting for my man
Oh I'm waiting for my man

I'll Be My Mirror (8 in 8)

There was a tiny Asian woman screaming in the street today
And she was screaming at a person that she obviously hates
She was so loud, we heard the screaming with our windows all rolled up
And we all looked down the street to see who she was screaming at

But there was no one on the sidewalk, so we all looked back at her
And we saw in her homeless hands, she held a 1960s mirror
A pretty plastic girly one framed in a purple case
And she was screaming at herself, and she was spitting in her face
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
And we were scared and we were shaken waiting at the intersection
Looking at each other's faces, each one a sad reflection
And Casey said she'd seen that woman half a dozen times
And that she has a bunch of mirrors, she has lots of different kinds
And I wondered what she'd shouted and I wondered what she'd done
When the light turned green and someone said we ought to put her in a song

And the woman kept on screaming as we left the intersection
And the traffic started moving, we changed the conversation
And we laugh with nervous laughter at the crazies in the street
But it's only 'cause we know it's how we kind of want to be
And there's a fraction of a brain cell chain that makes us what we are
One false move you're in the mirror, someone's laughing from the car

I feel sorry for that woman, she stormed off in the day
With a bitter frozen enemy who will never go away
And so many of us hate ourselves but never shout in rage
We never get to hold a mirror, we never turn the page

And I'm lucky I've got people who will hold me in the night
And I'm lucky that you love me even though we sometimes fight
And I'm lucky that I like myself, but late at night I doubt
So I'm scared to look at mirrors, just in case I start to shout

I'll be my mirror
I'll be my mirror
I'll be my mirror
I'll be my mirror

I'll Be Your Mirror

(The Velvet Underground)

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are
In case you don't know
I'll be the wind
The rain and the sunset
The light on your door
To show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please, put down your hands
'Cause I see you
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I find it hard to believe
You don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't
Let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness
So you won't be afraid

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please, put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I'll be your mirror
I'll be your mirror
I'll be your mirror
I'll be your mirror

Caroline Says II

(Lou Reed)

Caroline says
As she gets up off the floor
Why is it that you beat me
It isn't any fun

Caroline says
As she makes up her eyes
You ought to think more about yourself
Think more than just I

But she's not afraid to die
All her friends call her "Alaska"
When she takes speed, they laugh and ask her
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
What is in her mind
What is in her mind

Caroline says
As she gets up from the floor
You can hit me all you want to
But I don't love you anymore

Caroline says
While biting her lip
Life is meant to be more than this
And this is a bum trip

But she's not afraid to die
All her friends call her "Alaska"
When she takes speed, they laugh and ask her

What is in her mind
What is in her mind

She put her fist through the window pane
It was such a funny feeling

It's so cold in Alaska
It's so cold in Alaska
It's so cold in Alaska

Blake Says

Blake says no one ever really loved him
They just faked it to get money from the government
And Blake thinks angels grow when you plant angel dust
He shakes his head and blinks his pretty eyes
But trust me, he's no valentine
Though he said he would be mine
His heart is in Alaska all the time

Blake stays underwater for the most part
He collects loose change for All Tomorrow's Parties
And when Blake dates girls with tattoos of the pyramids
He breaks their hearts
By saying it's not permanent
But in his velvet mind
He believes with all his might
We'll all go to Alaska when we die
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Blake makes friends but only for a minute
He prefers the things he orders from the internet
And Blake's been having trouble with his head again
He takes his pills
But never takes his medicine
He tells me that he's fine
And the sad thing is he's right
And when it's two o'clock, it feels like nine

Blake says he is sorry he got through to me
If it's okay, he'll call right back and talk to the machine
Blake says it looks like acid rain today
He takes the fish inside
He's very kind that way
But just like Caroline
He doesn't seem to mind
The globe is getting warmer all the time

It's still cold in Alaska
It's still cold in Alaska
It's still cold in Alaska

I'm Sticking With You

(The Velvet Underground)

I'm sticking with you
'Cause I'm made out of glue
Anything that you might do
I'm gonna do too

You held up a stage coach in the rain
And I'm doing the same
Saw you're hanging from a tree
And I made believe it was me

I'm sticking with you
'Cause I'm made out of glue
Anything that you might do
I'm gonna do too

There're people going to the stratosphere
Soldiers fighting with the Cong
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
But with you by my side I can do anything
When we swing, we hang past right or wrong

I'll do anything for you
Anything you want me too
I'll do anything for you
Oohoh I'm sticking with you
Oohoh I'm sticking with you
Oohoh I'm sticking with you
Oohoh I'm sticking with you
Oohoh I'm sticking with you

Perfect Day (Intro)

Hey, Neil Gaiman
Dude, you're not a square man
You played that iPad pretty good
I wish that you lived in my hood
It'd be a Christmas party every single day
Hey, hey
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Tomorrow it's your birthday
I suppose it could be a worse day
And anyway I love you
Sorry that this song is so bad
Here's your last song by Lou Reed

Perfect Day

(Lou Reed)

Just a perfect day
Drink sangria in the park
And then later
When it gets dark, we go home

Just a perfect day
Feed animals in the zoo
And then later
A movie, too, and then home

Oh it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spend it with you
Oh such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

Just a perfect day
Problems all left alone
Weekenders on our own
It's such fun
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Just a perfect day
You made me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
Someone good

Oh it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spend it with you
Oh such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow

Meine Damen und Herren
Wie könnte ich meine Pulsadern aufschneiden
Wenn ich nicht aufhören kann zu tanzen
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Unverfroren und ganz verloren
Direkt aus New York City, the Grand Theft Orchester!

Smile
You can forget about your life
Smile
You can forget about your life
The truth will follow you
The truth will follow you
The proof will swallow you up

Holy shit you got some action
Pictures or it didn't happen

Smile (smile)
Your teeth are broken it's all right
Smile (smile)
Your teeth are broken it's all right
They'll break the best of you
They'll break the best of you
It makes you beautiful

So fists into the lips of fashion
Pictures or it didn't happen

I had such an awful dream last night
Everybody's faces were too tight
Please don't leave me
In this night less light
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
God I'm going to miss you when you

Smile (smile, smile)
The end is near and it's high time
Smile (smile, smile)
The end is near and it's high time
The light's amazing man
So time your Instagram
The rapture swallowing the land

But we're the last ones laughing
Pictures or it didn't happen

Get it 'cause we'll all be dead and
No one dead can use a camera

I had such an awful dream last night
Everybody's faces went all white
Everybody in the world was either
Getting killed or getting footage of the killing
That they sent to surgeons working in the sky

I don't wanna
I don't wanna go to
I don't wanna go to Cali
I don't wanna go to California
I don't want to die
I don't want to die
I don't want to die

I wouldn't kill to win a war
I don't get what they do it for
It's all so terribly vague
I see the pictures from a thousand years of battles
And I think it's such a bore

I walk New Orleans with a knife
Like Mackie hidden out of sight
But I'd be useless if they jumped
I'm really not the killing type

I'm not the killing type
I'm not the killing type
I'm not I'm not
I'm not the killing type I'm not

I've got a picture of your mum
Before the war when she was young
She's got an etching to her right
I think it's funny that she's looking to the left and it's her son
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I wouldn't kill to get you back
And I've officially been asked
I couldn't kill to save a life
I'd rather die a peaceful piece of shit-bait shame-filled coward
Thanks

I'm not the killing type
I'm not the killing type
I'm not I'm not
I'm not the killing type I'm not

But I would kill to make you feel
I don't mean kill someone for real
I couldn't do that, it is wrong
But I can say it in a song, a song, a song

And I'm saying it
Now
I'm saying it
So
Even if you never hear this song
Somebody else would know
I'm saying it
Now
I'm saying it
So
Even if you never hear this song somebody else will know
Know know know

I just can't explain how good it feels
I just can't explain how good it feels
I just can't explain how good it feels
I just can't describe

I once stepped on a dying bird
It was a mercy killing
I couldn't sleep for a week
I kept feeling its breaking bones

I heard
That if you see a star at night
And the conditions are just right
And you are standing on a cliff
Then you can close your eyes
And make a wish
And take a step
And change somebody's life

I'm not the killing type
I'm not the killing type
I'm not I'm not
I'm not the killing type I'm not

But I would kill to make you feel
I'd kill to move your face an inch
I see you staring into space
I wanna stick my fist into your mouth and twist your arctic heart

Yes
I would kill to make you feel
I don't mean kill someone for real
I couldn't do that, it is wrong
But I can say it in a song a song a song
And I'm saying it
Now
I'm saying it
So
Even if you never hear this song somebody else will know
I'm saying it
Now
I'm saying it
So
Even if you never hear this song somebody else will know
Know know know
I just can't explain how good it feels
I just can't explain how good it feels
I just can't explain how good it feels
I just can't describe ibe ibe ibe
Die die die die die die die die

I'm not the killing type

(Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra)

(Now I lay me down to sleep)

Do you wanna dance
Do you wanna fight
Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night

(No regrets, noblesse oblige)

Do you wanna dance
Do you wanna fight
Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night
Do you wanna smoke till our throats are sore
Make out and then talk and then make out some more
Do you wanna dance
Do you wanna fight
Do you get wanna drunk and stay the night
Do you wanna know all the things I do
Where I'm all alone and thinking about you
Do you wanna
Do you wanna
Do you wanna
Do you wanna
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you

Do you wanna go back home
Your animals are all alone
Oh there's a chicken waiting on the stove
And your cousin left his DVD of "Swinging In The 70s"
And do you wanna go back home
Check your messages and charge your phone
Oh are you really sure you wanna go
When you could do it with a rock star, do it with a rock star
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Wait, wait, wait
I'll be fine in a minute
Oh oh oh
Wait, wait, wait
I'll be fine in a minute
Fine in a minute

I don't want your body just a part to listen to INXS
All the practice in the world
Won't get me good at loneliness-less
Loneliness-less, loneliness-less-less-less-less
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Do you wanna dance
Do you wanna fight
Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night
Do you want to see all my cavities
Talk about the crisis in the Middle East
Do you wanna get really terrified
Icecaps are all melting and we're gonna die
Do you wanna cry
I can make you cry
Do you wanna hit me baby one more time
Do you wanna
Do you wanna
Do you wanna
Do you wanna
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you

Do you wanna go back home
Your animals are all alone
Oh there's a chicken waiting on the stove
And your cousin left his DVD of "Swinging In The 70s"

Or do you wanna go back home
Check your messages and charge your phone
Oh are you, really sure you wanna go
When you could do it with a rock star, do it with a rock star
Wait, wait, wait
I'll be fine in a minute
Oh oh oh
Wait, wait, wait
I'll be fine in a minute
Wait, wait, wait
(Do you wanna go back home)
I'll be fine in a minute
Oh oh oh
Wait, wait, wait
(Do you wanna go back home)
I'll be fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a minute
Fine in a

Want It Back

Hearts on a string like an older-fashioned phone can
Bang ringy ring and you think you're gonna get some
Thing you can bring to a party at your wake not
Thinking of the thing that you pay back when you take it
Take it

Like rats in a cage pushed the button got the shock trick
Snickers in your bag had your number but I lost it
Bets are all off you're a lily-livered giver indie
In the hidden costs you're a sucker and you win

It doesn't matter if you want it back
You've given it away
You've given it away
It doesn't matter if you want it back
You've given it away
Away away away
Away away away oh

He's already on the outskirts
I'm still pulling at his sweatshirt
He says fate is not a factor
I'm in love with every actor

So once when you're gone and I wanna do it backwards
Just like the song we're addicted to the L-word
Up past your head down your back around your ankles
Ready for attack you're upstaged and then you're strangled
Cringe like you're cursed with your wrecking ball-y necklace
I saw it first and I crushed it with my hamfist
High for the contest who's the better not see
Eye to eye to eye
Now you're blind and you can't catch me
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Catch me if you can
(He's already on the outskirts)
If you can
(I'm still pulling on his sweatshirt)
If you can
(He says fate is not a factor)
If you can
(I'm in love with every actor)

It doesn't matter if you want it back
You've given it away
You've given it away
It doesn't matter if you want it back
You've given it away
You've given it away

It doesn't matter if you want it back
You've given it away
You've given it away
It doesn't matter if you want it back
Away away away
Away away away oh

He's already on the outskirts
I'm still pulling at his sweatshirt
He says fate is not a factor
I'm in love with every actor

He's already on the outskirts
I'm still pulling at his sweatshirt
He says fate is not a factor
I'm in love with every actor

I will let you go if you will let some
I will let you go if you will let somebody
I will let you go if you will let somebody love you
I will let you go if you will let somebody love you like
I will let you go if you will let somebody love you like I do
Like I do
Like I do

Grown Man Cry

We're standing on the threshold
Of a decent conversation
When I can hear the door slam
I know the face you're making

And I really want to talk to you
I really really wanted to
But once you get your mind made up
There is no getting through to you

For a while it was touching
For a while it was challenging
Before it became typical
And now it really isn't interesting

To see a grown man cry
To see a grown man cry

I'm lying on the sofa
And the radio is blaring
And I'm scanning through the stations
As the boys declare their feelings
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
But it doesn't feel like feelings
It feels like they're pretending
It's like they just want blowjobs
And they know these songs will get them

And I really want to talk to you
I really really wanted to
But I've learned my lesson now
And you're not the one I'm turning to

And for a while it was touching
And for a while it was challenging
Before it got habitual
And now it really isn't interesting

To see a grown man cry
To see a grown man cry

I was the first to warn you
I lay myself before you
I was the first to warn you
I put myself before you

We're standing on the corner
And you're throwing down the gauntlet
It is not a life decision
We just need to pick a restaurant

After all this you should know you
Well enough not to get into it
I should learn but I'm an idiot
You only want an argument

And for a while it was touching
It was almost even comforting
Before it became typical
And now it really is not interesting

To see a grown man cry
To see a grown man cry

To see a grown man throw a temper fit
To see a grown man cross his arms and sit
As if the whole wide world would end
If he was not a part of it

But at the same time with no confidence
Never realizing the consequence
He's having on the ones he loves
Because he thinks he can make no difference

We are standing on the threshold
Of a decent conversation
When I can hear the door slam
I know the face you're making

And I really want to talk to you
I really really wanted to
But this time I am giving up
I am simply giving up on you

They've been circling
They've been circling
Since the day they were born

It's disturbing
How they're circling
Fifty feet from the pond

Pretty often
Pretty often
I don't wanna be told

It's a problem
It's a problem
It's a problem I know

And I won't keep what I can't catch
In my bare hands without a net
It's hard enough to walk on grass
So conscious of the consequences

And they've been jerking
They've been jerking
In a pail by the dock

I know that oxygen might
Make them blossom and die
But I'm not going to talk
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Feed them details
Feed them emails
They'll eventually grow

But it's not working
It's not working
Not as far as I know

And killing things is not so hard
It's hurting that's the hardest part
And when the wizard gets to me
I'm asking for a smaller heart

And I got you
And I thought that I caught you
Now I'll ruin it all

Feeling helpless
Acting selfish
Being human and all

And they're jumping
And they're jumping
But they'll never get out

Just keep touring
Just keep on ignoring
Be a good little trout

And the butcher stops and winds his watch
And lays their lives down on the block
He raises up his hatchet and the
Big hand strikes a compromise

Wait, we'll trade you
Wait

Please, just one more day
And then we'll go with
No complaining
No complaining
No complaining
Stop
Come

And they're cutting
And they're cutting
And I think that I know

And they're gutting
And they're gutting
And I think that I know

And it's beating
Look, it's beating
And I don't want to know

And it's beating
Look, it's still beating
God, I don't want to know

And killing things is not so hard
It's hurting that's the hardest part
And when the wizard gets to me
I'm asking for a smaller heart

And if he tells me no
I'll hold my breath
Until I hit the floor

Eventually I know I'm doomed
To get what I am asking for

Now my heart is exactly the size
Of a six-sided die cut in half
Made of ruby red stained glass

Can I knock you unconscious
As long as I promise I'll love you
And I'll make you laugh

And my heart is exactly the size
Of a six-sided die cut in half
Made of ruby red stained glass

Can I knock you unconscious
As long as I promise I'll love you
And I'll make you laugh

I lost my wallet
I lost my wallet and I'm lost dear
I swear I had it
I had it on me when we got here

Let's go to Vegas
Let's get a karaoke backroom
I'll never find it
I wanna shout into the vacuum

That's nothing's ever lost forever
It's just caught inside the cushions of your couch
And when you find it, you'll have such a nice surprise
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Nothing's ever lost forever
It's just hiding in the recess of your mind
And when you need it, it will come to you at night
Oh!

I miss the yellow
I miss the yelling and the shakedown
I'm not complaining
I got a better set of knives now

I miss my drummer
My dead step-brother and the pit crowd
And Chuck and Matty
If they could see me they'd be so proud

But nothing's ever lost forever
It's just caught inside the cushions of your couch
And when you find it, you'll have such a nice surprise

Nothing's ever lost forever
It's just hiding in the recess of your mind
And when you need it, it will come to you at night
Oh!

The wake is over
We gotta leave because they said so
I want to tell you
I want to tell you but you're dead so

Golden light
So way up high
So wave good-bye
Tonight you'll find

That's nothing's ever lost forever
It's just caught inside the cushions of your couch
And when you find it, you'll have such a nice surprise

Nothing's ever lost forever
It's just hiding in the recess of your mind
And when you need it, it will come to you at night

No one's ever lost forever
When they die they go away
But they will visit you occasionally
Do not be afraid

No one's ever lost forever
They are caught inside your heart
If you garden them and water them
They make you what you are

No one's ever lost forever
When they die they go away
But they will visit you occasionally
Do not be afraid

No one's ever lost forever
They are caught inside your heart
If you garden them and water them
They make you what you are

Bottom Feeder

Why you always kickin' up the sand
Always kickin' up the sand
God man you're angry and it makes my eyes hurt

Why you always kickin' up the sand
Kickin' up the sand
You block your sister so the sunbeams miss her

Why you always raggin' on the man
Always raggin' on the man
It just makes you look like a sad-sack actor

Why you always raggin' on the man
Raggin' on some system you think killed him
But you're so so backwards

Why you gotta be like that
You're never gonna bring him back
Big fish, little fish
Fixin' in the dark
If I had one wish, just a wish
Throw me in the water
'Cause I wanna be a bottom feeder

Why you always hatin' on the cabs
Always hatin' on the cabs
Just means the cabs are coming that less faster

Why you always hatin' on the cabs
You shake your fist at God
You ain't even noticing that they're all passin'

Why you gotta bitch about the band
Bitch about the band
You know he loved 'em and they kept him laughin'

Why you gotta bitch about the band
Bitch about the band
You ain't even listening and man they're not askin'

Why you gotta be like that
You're never gonna bring him back
Big fish, little fish
Shootin' in the dark
If I had one wish, just a wish
Throw me in the water
'Cause I wanna be a bottom feeder
Wanna be a bottom feeder

Why you always dyin' in the bath
Always dyin' in the bath
Just makes me nervous that the lizard king kissed you

Why you always dyin' in the bath
Dyin' in the bath
It's awful quiet and it makes me miss you

Why you gotta be like that
You're never gonna bring him back
Big fish, little fish
Dyin' in the dark
If I had one wish, just a wish
Throw me in the water
'Cause the cabs ain't comin'
Yeah the sun's not shinin'
Yeah the bath keeps runnin'
Yeah it keeps on rainin'
But the band keeps playin'
Yeah the band keeps playin'
Yeah the band keeps playin'
Yeah the band keeps playin'

Exhibit A:
We are friends in a sleeping bag
Splitting the heat we have one filthy pillow to share
And your lips are in my hair

Someone upstairs has a rat that we laugh at
And people are drinking and singing Van Halen and Slayer
On a ukulele dare

Exhibit B:
Well, we found an apartment
It's not much to look at, a futon on the floor
Torn off desktop for a door

All the decor's made of milk crates and duct tape
And if we have sex they can hear us through the floor
But we don't do that anymore

And I lay there wondering what is the matter
Is this a matter of worse or of better
You took the blanket so I took the bed sheet
But I would have held you if you'd only let me
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Exhibit C:
Look how quaint and how quiet and private
Our paychecks have bought us a condo in town
It's the nicest flat around
You picked a mattress and had it delivered
And I walked upstairs and the sight of it made my heart pound
And I wrapped my arms around me

And I stood there wondering what is the matter
Is this a matter of worse or of better
You walked right past me and straightened the covers
And I would still love you if you wanted a lover

And you said, "All the money in the world
Won't buy a bed so big and wide
To guarantee that you won't accidentally touch me in the night"
Then I said, "You must be right"

Exhibit D:
Now we're both mostly paralyzed
Don't know how long we've been lying here in fear
Too afraid to even feel

I find my glasses and you turn the light out
Roll off on your side like you've rolled away for years
Holding back those king-size tears

And I still don't ask you what is the matter
Is this a matter of worse or of better
You take the heart failure I'll take the cancer
I've long stopped wondering why you don't answer

Exhibit E:
You can certainly see
How fulfilling a life from the cost and size of stone
Of our final resting home

We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree
You and me lying the only way we know
Side by side and still and cold

And I finally ask you what was the matter
Was it a matter of worse or of better
You stretch your arms out and finally face me

You say
I would have told you
If you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me

Massachusetts Avenue

Every time I walk along this street I think of you
And given it's the city's major thoroughfare I'm screwed
Taking an alternative's a little hard to do
It's the street I live on Massachusetts Avenue

There's the crosswalk where a milk truck almost ran me down
The day I finally saw you when you got back into town
I don't know if you saw me 'cause I turned so quick around
Hiding into traffic clearly dying to be found

Do you remember crying in the park and shutting up
Do you remember running and me trying to catch up
Do you remember loving me more than I could be loved
I chased you for so long and when I caught you I gave up
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
There's no other way to get to work
After all these years it just gets worse
Memories so dull and well-rehearsed

Storrow drive is pretty in the springtime
Storrow drive is pretty in the fall
You don't have to go home in a straight line
You don't have to go back home at all

There's the cemetery where I broke your heart in two
And there's the pair of stones that we had laughed was me and you
I stared at them a long time and I asked if it was true
If I still really loved you and they answered, "Yes, you do"
I do

People come and go but these four lanes will never move
Little peach and ex's jeeps eventually die too
Even if the Russians came and named it something new
It would always look like Massachusetts Avenue

Storrow drive is pretty in the springtime
Storrow drive is pretty in the fall
You don't have to go home in a straight line
You don't have to go back home at all

Storrow drive is pretty in the springtime
Storrow drive is pretty in the fall
You don't have to go home in a straight line
You don't need to be alone at all

Melody Dean

I never met a lady quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And when I laid my head down on her heart it beated out your name
And so I had to listen to her heartbeat several hundred times
And she was very nice about it held my hand and didn't mind

I never put my foot in the same river twice I don't like getting wet
You take the good, you take the bad, you take it all and that is all you get
The fact is that you would rather I be lonely in a bathtub with a book
The fact is you would rather I sat pining on our pictures from New York
New York, New York, New York

But I get torn to pieces for the stupidest reasons
All I want's to love the one I'm with just like the song says
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I don't like picking sides I don't like sticking my cherona in a box
I like to spread her out on different crackers, yeah, I like the way she looks
And when I go to bed at night with Melody undressing in my head
To get to sleep you know that I would rather be undressing you instead
Instead, instead, instead

I never met a lady quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are a little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love and you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here and right now you are not

I never met a lady quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are a little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love and you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here and right now you are not

I never cross the continental divide without thinking about you
I am a tree that's carved up with her name she is a warrior tattoo
And the fact is you're selective about what you can remember for a start
The fact is you're just jealous as all get out we can do it in the dark
The dark, the dark, the dark

But I get torn to pieces for the stupidest reasons
All I want's to love the one I'm with just like Steven still says

I never met a lady quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are a little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love and you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here and right now you are not

I never met a lady quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are a little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love and you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here and right now you are not

I never met a lady quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are a little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love and you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here and right now you are not

I never met a lady quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are a little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love and you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here and right now you are not

Berlin

Your bicycle's chained to the fence outside
There's plenty of offers but you won't ride
How you pedal in those is a miracle, a miracle
And you laugh at yourself as you speed through the red lights

Oh Berlin
Nobody knows where you've been

In the space where your brain and your heart collide
You're convinced there's a practical place that you can hide
And you laugh at the bell hop hysterical, hysterical
With your bag full of dresses and butcher's knives

Oh Berlin
Nobody knows where you've been

But they all look so ugly and mean when you're sober
You've auctioned away all your crimson and clover
And ronny leaves lines out and lights up the curtain
You know what you're doing, you know it for certain
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
The last thing I was they were reading your rights
If you're gonna go down, then you're going down fighting
As long as you're bent and as long as they're watching
You're gonna make rent, you got no other option

What
Did you think you were worth my while
Did you think I would cramp my style
That if I had a say in it
That I'd sit here and bite my lip and listen

What
Do you think that I come off bored
Paid a fortune to be ignored
Did you think that I come here
Out of the goodness of my own heart
To work on an assembly line of broken hearts
Not supposed to fix them only strip and sell the parts

Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
It's hard to work on an assembly line of broken hearts
Not supposed to fix them only strip and sell the parts
It's hard to work on an assembly line of broken hearts
Not supposed to fix them only strip and sell the parts

Your bicycle's chained to the fence outside
There's plenty of offers but you won't ride
How you pedal in those is a miracle, a miracle
And you laugh at yourself as you speed through the red lights

Olly Olly Oxen Free

So
You wanted
That's what you geet for wanting
You got it
That's what you get for getting
Forgotten
You're gardening a rotting bed of ray-gun era icons

So
Let's start it
Let's start it from the minute you felt it
You felt it like a prison, a panic
You felt it like that coffee scene from Moscow on the Hudson

So
Be honest
It's not as if you're happy about it
It's not as if you're animatronic
It's not as if you couldn't cry out any time you wanted

Olly olly oxen free
All the people you will never be
Olly olly oxen free
Olly olly olly olly olly olly olly olly

Fate
You call it
You color it the color you want it
You carpet it that's awful convenient
You paint yourself a nice white room with stripes and matching curtains
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
So
You forfeit
You cannot build a river across it
You cannot hold your own heart hostage
Yo do not have the strength to gag yourself in every closet

The wrong place, wrong mind, timing's always bad
You're such a sad case misplaced
Renaissance inventor of a world wide heartbreak

Taking it in stride 'cause you're an expert, aren't you
Aren't you just a dime, a dozen murderous
Monosyllabic moron with no sense of purpose

Working on your songs all night to justify your worthlessness
To anyone who's watching it they only saw your alter egos
Pretty in the shop windows where you got auctioned hours ago

Olly olly oxen free
All the people you will never be
Olly olly oxen free
Olly olly olly olly higher than the king can

See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key
See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key away
Throw the key away

So
It's over
You're lying in a coffin of clutter
Your father and your sister, your drummer
All sorting through your soft cell tapes and lifesaver collection

And
You wonder
You wonder if you could've done better
You wonder if you should've surrended
Before you learned that nobody actually wants a fucking martyr

Didn't you, didn't you
Didn't, didn't you see
Didn't you, didn't you
Didn't, didn't you seen
Didn't you, didn't you
You didn't, you didn't see me
Didn't you, didn't you
You didn't, you didn't see me

Olly olly oxen free
All the people you will never be
Olly olly oxen free
Olly olly olly olly higher than the king can

See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key
See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key away
Throw the key away
Throw the key away

Denial Thing

(Theatre of Evil Deluxe Edition)

Why not kill a 12-year-old or two
You better do it now
Before it gets a chance to get you blue
Well, you're doing the best you can
You really are a handsome man
And I always thought that look was good for you

You're gonna dodge the fuzz, the Mexico
You won't go blind
And that cigarette'll make you grow, grow, grow
You've got such a lovely bed
What a very nice trail of dead
Did you think it wouldn't happen
If you acted like you didn't know?

Well, it's happening right now
It's happening right now

You just can't fake your way around it, kid
You're gonna keep on getting killer karma if you keep it hid
Well, you've dug this grave for months
I'm just giving you a little shove
And now you're innocently asking what you did

Well, you're doing it right now
You're doing it right now

Oh, I'll miss you, and all the best to you
Oh, I'll miss you, and all the best to you
Hope the whole denial thing works out

Oh, even when you tried to disappear
You shouted so loud for help that you could never hear
Oh, always wondering what went wrong
Singing everybody else's songs
Well, it doesn't matter now
Well, it doesn't matter now

Oh, I'll miss you, and all the best to you
Oh, I'll miss you, and all the best to you
Hope the whole denial thing works out

Hope the whole denial thing works out

The living room

(Theatre of Evil Deluxe Edition)

Forty-seven strings are pulled
By this angelic "beating" girl
And it breaks our hearts to hear
The music that comes out of her.
Shoulders hang on folded chairs
This will be our church tonight
We have dug out foxholes here
Not an atheist in sight.
Laughing shaking taking oaths
Breaking sacramental cups
We pour the magic in our coats
Thinking it can leave with us.

But it's the wrong way out
Twenty steps but it's so harming
When they talk out loud
Bend to brace your fingers on me

I've been breathing evil air
Sharing needles with the sky
Looking up remembering
Regina said they're just old light.
But you somehow understood
My oversaturated skin
You held your hand up to my neck
And played me like a Theremin
I see London I see France
And all the things that we won't do
And if I never leave this chair
Maybe I can go with you.

But it's a long way out
Twenty steps but it's so harming
When they talk out loud
Bend to brace your fingers on me
It's a long way out
Past the bar and past the awning
Past the easy crowd
Back into the end

We have found our solace here
In this unexpected place
Like a startled, dying man
Kneels in prayer just in case
And while the night sky sadly lit
All that you were sleeping through
Death took my friend Benjamin
But he left his keys with you
So I'll kiss the air instead
As not to disturb your sleep
And if you never wake my love
Maybe you can come with me

But it's a long way out
Twenty steps but its so harming
When they talk out loud
Bend to brace your fingers on me
It's a long way out
Past the bar and past the awning
Past the easy crowd
Back into the end of harmony
Back into the end of harmony
Back into the end of harmony
Back into the end

(Theatre of Evil Deluxe Edition)

Sid Vicious played a four-string Fender bass guitar and couldn't sing
And everybody hated him except the ones who loved him
A ukulele has four strings, but Sid did not play ukulele
He did smack and probably killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen

If only Sid had had a ukulele, maybe he could have been happy
Maybe he would not have suffered such a sad end
He maybe would have not done all that heroin instead
He maybe would've sat around just singing nice songs to his girlfriend

So play your favourite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
'cos even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing
Do your homework with a fork
And eat your Froot Loops in the dark
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work
And play your ukulele

Ukulele small and forceful
Brave and peaceful
You can play the ukulele too - it is painfully simple
Play your ukulele badly, play your ukulele loudly
Ukulele banish evil
Ukulele save the people
Ukulele gleaming golden from the top of every steeple

Lizzie Borden took an axe, and gave her mother forty whacks
Then gave her father forty-one, and left a tragic puzzle
If only they had given her an instrument, those puritans
Had lost the plot completely
See what happens when you muzzle
A person's creativity
And do not let them sing and scream
And nowadays it's worse 'cause kids have automatic handguns
It takes about an hour to teach someone to play the ukulele
About same to teach someone to build a standard pipe bomb
You do the math!

So play your favourite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
'cos even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing
Do your homework with a fork
And eat your Froot Loops in the dark
And bring your flask of Jack to work
And play your ukulele

Ukulele, thing of wonder
Ukulele, wand of thunder
You can play the ukulele, too
In London and down under
Play Joan Jett, and play Jacques Brel
And Eminem and Neutral Milk Hotel
The children crush the hatred
Play your ukulele naked
And if anybody tries to steal your ukulele, let them take it

Imagine there's no music, imagine there are no songs
Imagine that John Lennon wasn't shot in front of his apartment
Now imagine if John Lennon had composed "Imagine" on the ukulele
Maybe people would have truly got the message

You may think my approach is simple-minded and naïve
Like if you wanna change the world then why not quit and feed the hungry
But people for millennia have needed music to survive
And that's why I've promised John that i will not feel guilty

So play your favourite Beatles' song
And make the subway fall in love
They're only $19.95, that isn't lots of money
Play until the sun comes up
And play until your fingers suffer
Play LCD Soundsystem songs on your ukulele
Quit the bitching on your blog
And stop pretending art is hard
Just limit yourself to three chords
And do not practice daily
You'll minimize some stranger's sadness
With a piece of wood and plastic
Holy fuck it's so fantastic, playing ukulele
Eat your homework with a fork
And do your Froot Loops in the dark
Bring your etch-a-sketch to work
Your flask of Jack
Your vibrator
Your fear of heights
Your Nikon lens
Your mom and dad
Your disco stick
Your soundtrack from "Karate Kid"
Your Ginsu knives
Your rosary
Your new Rebecca Black CD
Your favourite room
Your Bowie knife
Your stuffed giraffe
Your new glass eye
Your sousaphone
Your breakfast tea
Your Nick Drake tapes
Your giving tree
Your ice cream truck
Your missing wife
Your will to live
Your urge to cry
Remember we're all gonna die
So play your ukulele!

(Theatre of Evil Deluxe Edition)

Come in my thoughts
Stomach in knots, and then
Steps, grass, gate, door
Oh, you perfect stranger

Elastic breaking dawn
Last night's outfit on
From St. Kilda
Towards St. Kilda West
Start my walk of shamelessness

Nice street, coffee, sore feet, diary
Construction men, whistling

"Hey, sweetheart, where've you been?"
Paper shop, buy a pen
What a pretty neighborhood
Stop short, remember him
Biting hard between my legs

Then no more talk inside my head
Delicious feeling like I'm dead
For just a second, shutting up
A fire shock all in my gut

I want to feel it over all the time
I want to feel it over all the time

Come back again
Stop making friends
It's a lot like Chapstick
The effect wears off quick

Nice street, coffee, sore feet, diary
Construction men, maybe eat
Quick, consider motherhood
Luna park, smiling head
Call Melissa, dinner plans
Walking by the esplanade
Feel my stomach in his hands

(I want to feel it over all the time)

Video Games

(Lana Del Rey cover / Violitionist Sessions)

Swinging in the backyard
Pull up in your fast car
Whistling my name
You open up a beer
And you say, "Get over here
And play a video game"

I'm in his favourite sun dress
Watching me get undressed
Take that body downtown, honey

I say you the bestest
Lean in for a big kiss
Put his favourite perfume on
Go play a video game

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
They say that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Honey, now you do
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Swinging in the old bars
Singing with the old stars
Living for the fame
Kissing in the blue dark
Playing pool and wild darts
Video games

He holds me in his big arms
Drunk and I am seeing stars
This is all I think of
Watching all our friends fall
In and out of Old Paul's
This is my idea of fun
Playing video games

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
They say that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Honey, now you do

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
They say that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Honey, now you do
Now you do

(Theatre of Evil Deluxe Edition)

I have been pro-vanity since i was 10
I put your altars in an eye shadow den
In the bag I didn't drop, there were no cherry lollipops
But cherry lips, smack her, I sawed her off
Marry many picked a pepper on and
Cameras are rolling back and forth on the rocks

And I'm sick of your smile
And I'm sick of your face
And I'm sick of your meaningless blather
And I'm sick of your hair, and I wish it weren't there
It's a awfully delicate matter

There is no place I would rather be killed
Than in my own backyard on my own propane grill
In the lie I didn't stop a little candy-coated boy was caught
And I felt bad as I ripped him off

Many prizes can reward a child for good behavior
But you should be wary of those that involve love

And I'm sick when I breathe
And I wish you would leave
At the very least, quit the contractions
It's not wrong, I mean, Christ, but I don't think it's right
To just slice for a piece of the action

Oh, what a wonderful party
Oh, what a comfortable home
Oh, what a wonderful body
So what's in the bottle, what's in the bottle?

(It is so comfortable)

I have been pro-vanity since I could know
No one will ever care to see what I don't show
In the room I kept her locked she grew up talking just like me
I thought she would be different and withstand the shock
Imitating what she knew she consequently grew
Into a pair of M40s and seventh-hand shoes

And I'm sick of myself
And I wish you could help
Have a shot with me, pull up a ladder
Oh, it sounds like that spirit we haven't been hearing
Since 1916 when the dada came dearing

And maybe you'd be happy
To be pro-vanity

(Theatre of Evil Deluxe Edition)

Step inside this magic tent
Seven wonders, 50 cents
Watch the man without a face
Disappear without a trace

You can't manage by yourself
Well, I am just the girl to help
You're no good at telling lies
Your hands are quicker than your eyes

But do you see what I see?
Do you see what I see?

Aren't you such a clever man
Showing off your sleight of hand?
Well, everyone knows you're not true
They blindly play along with you

But you don't hear what I hear
You don't hear what I hear

Stick a pin in it
C'mon, he's asking for it
Stick a pin in it
C'mon, he's asking for it

You keep your slate left very clean
Four blades that split a girl in three
Well, I just wink and smile and wave
Left in pieces there for days

But I know something you don't
I know something you don't

Stick a pin in it
C'mon, he's asking for it
Stick a pin in it
C'mon, he's asking for it

Stick a pin in it
I'm getting sick of this
Can't stand the lights
And I can't stand the sight of blood
Stick a pin in it
Hey, honey, picture it
They're gonna love this one
They're gonna eat it up
Stick a pin in it
I'm getting sick of this
I want my mom and dad

Go get a new assistant
Go get a new assistant
Go get a new assistant
Go get a new assistant
Go get a new assistant

(Theatre of Evil Deluxe Edition)

Everyone says it'll laugh like you
Everyone says it'll get your smile
Well I'm the only one who knows you never loved me baby
Not a single solitary time
Not a single solitary time

Everyone says it'll have your temper
Everyone says it'll have your eyes
Well I'm the only one who knows where you were sleeping baby
And I really wouldn't be surprised
I really wouldn't be surprised

Everybody tells me that I'm crazy
Saying I'm too young to have a baby
But maybe the jokes on you this time
Maybe the jokes on you this time

And everyone will say that I'm a liar
Everyday the swallowing gets tighter
Keeping this a secret has been murder
And I'd like to get on with my life
I'd like to get on with my life

Everyone says it'll laugh like you
Everyone says it'll get your smile
Well I don't even know if you're the father
But there isn't anyway its mine

Blackstar

(Feat. Anna Calvi)

In the villa of Ormen
In the villa of Ormen
Stands a solitary candle
In the centre of it all
In the centre of it all
Your eyes

On the day of execution
On the day of execution
Only women kneel and smile
At the centre of it all
at the centre of it all
Your eyes
Your eyes

In the villa of Ormen
In the villa of Ormen
Stands a solitary candle
At the centre of it all
At the centre of it all
Your eyes
Your eyes

Something happened on the day he died
Spirit rose a metre and stepped aside
Somebody else took his place and bravely cried
I'm a blackstar
I'm a blackstar

How many times does an angel fall
How many people lie instead of talking tall
He trod on sacred ground, he cried loud into the crowd
I'm a blackstar
I'm a blackstar
I'm not a gangster

I can't answer why
I'm a blackstar
Just go with me
I'm not a filmstar
I'm-a take you home
I'm a blackstar
Take your passport and shoes
I'm not a popstar
And your sedatives, boo
I'm a blackstar
You're a flash in the pan
I'm not a marvel star
I'm the great I am

I'm a blackstar, way up, oh honey I've got game
I see right so white, so open-heart it's plain
I want eagles in my daydreams, diamonds in my eyes
I'm a blackstar
I'm a blackstar

Something happened on the day he died
Spirit rose a metre and stepped aside
Somebody else took his place, and bravely cried
I'm a blackstar
I'm a star star
I'm a blackstar

I can't answer why
I'm not a gangster
But I can tell you how
I'm not a flam star
We were born upside-down
I'm a star star
Born the wrong way 'round
I'm not a white star

I'm a blackstar
I'm not a gangster
I'm a blackstar
I'm a blackstar

I'm not a pornstar
I'm not a wandering star
I'm a blackstar
I'm a blackstar

In the villa of Ormen
Stands a solitary candle
At the centre of it all
Your eyes

On the day of execution
Only women kneel and smile
At the centre of it all
Your eyes
Your eyes

Space Oddity

(Feat. Neil Gaiman)

Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills
And put your helmet on

Ground Control to Major Tom
(Ten, nine, eight, seven, six)
Commencing countdown, engines on
(Five, four, three, two)
Check ignition and may God's love be with you
(One, liftoff)

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
(You've) You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today
For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do

Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much she knows

Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom
Can you hear me, Major Tom
Can you hear me, Major Tom
Can you

Here am I floating round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do

Ashes To Ashes

Do you remember a guy that's been
In such an early song
I've heard a rumour from Ground Control
Oh no, don't say it's true

They got a message from the Action Man
"I'm happy. Hope you're happy, too.
I've loved. All I've needed: love.
Sordid details following."

The shrieking of nothing is killing me
Just pictures of Jap girls in synthesis
And I ain't got no money and I ain't got no hair
But I'm hoping to kick, but the planet is glowing

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know Major Tom's a junkie
Strung out in heaven's high
Hitting an all-time low

Time and again I tell myself
I'll stay clean tonight
But the little green wheels are following me
Oh no, not again

I'm stuck with a valuable friend
"I'm happy. Hope you're happy, too."
One flash of light
But no smoking pistol

I've never done good things
I've never done bad things
I never did anything out of the blue
Want an axe to break the ice
Wanna come down right now

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know Major Tom's a junkie
Strung out in heaven's high
Hitting an all-time low

My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"
My mama said, "To get things done
You'd better not mess with Major Tom"

Heroes

(Feat. John Cameron Mitchell)

I, I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together
We can beat them forever and ever
Oh we can be heroes just for one day

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be heroes just for one day
We can be us just for one day

I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing by the wall (by the wall)
And the guns shot above our heads (over our heads)
And we kissed as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)
And the shame was on the other side
Oh we can beat them forever and ever
Then we could be heroes just for one day

We can be heroes
We can be heroes
We can be heroes just for one day
We can be heroes

Helden (Single Version)

(Feat. John Cameron Mitchell)

Du, könntest du schwimmen
Wie Delphine, Delphine es tun
Niemand gibt uns eine Chance
Doch können wir siegen für immer und immer
Und wir sind dann Helden für einen Tag

Ich, ich bin dann König
Und du, du Königin
Obwohl sie unschlagbar scheinen
Werden wir Helden für einen Tag
Wir sind dann wir an diesem Tag

Ich, ich glaubte zu träumen (zu träumen)
Die Mauer im Rücken war kalt (so kalt)
Schüsse reißen die Luft (reißen die Luft)
Doch wir küssen, als ob nichts geschieht (nichts geschieht)
Und die Scham fiel auf ihrer Seite
Oh wir können sie schlagen für alle Zeiten
Dann sind wir Helden für diesen Tag

Dann sind wir Helden
Dann sind wir Helden
Dann sind wir Helden nur diesen Tag
Dann sind wir Helden nur diesen Tag

You Got Me Singing

(Leonard Cohen & Patrick Raymond Leonard)

You got me singing
Even though the news is bad
You got me singing
The only song I ever had

You got me singing
Ever since the river died
You got me thinking
Of the places we could hide

You got me singing
Even though the world is gone
You got me thinking
I'd like to carry on

You got me singing
Even though it all looks grim
You got me singing
The Hallelujah hymn

You got me singing
Like a prisoner in a jail
You got me singing
Like my pardon's in the mail
You copy you paste you lose
You got me wishing
Our little love would last
You got me thinking
Like those people of the past

You got me singing
Even though the world is gone
You got me thinking
I'd like to carry on

You got me singing
Even though it all went wrong
You got me singing
The Hallelujah song

Amanda : I was happy with that. Are you happy with that?
Jack: I'm, I'm pretty much happy.
Amanda: Well, we're happy with it.

Wynken, Blyken And Nod

(Lucy & Carly Simon)

Wynken and Blynken and Nod one night
Sailed off on a wooden shoe
Sailed down a river of crystal light
Into a sea of dew

Where are you going and what do you wish
The old moon asked the three
Well, we're going out fishing for herring fish
That live in the beautiful sea

Nets of silver and gold have we
Said, Wynken and Blynken and Nod

The old moon laughed and sang a song
As they rocked in their wooden shoe
And the wind that sped them all night long
Ruffled the waves of dew

While the little stars were the herring fish
That lived in the beautiful sea
Cast your nets wherever you wish
Never a feared are we

So sang the stars to the fishermen three
Wynken and Blynken and Nod
You copy you paste you lose
All night long their nets they threw
To the stars in the twinkling foam
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe
Bringing the fishermen home

T'was all so pretty a sight it seemed
As if it could not be
And some folks thought t'was a dream
They dreamed of sailing the beautiful sea

But I will name you the fishermen three
Wynken and Blynken and Nod

Now Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes
And Nod is a little head
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
Is a wee one's trundle bed

So close your eyes while mother sings
Of the beautiful sights that be
And you will see the wonderful things
As you rock in your misty sea

Where the old moon rocked the fishermen three
Wynken and Blynken and Nod

Again

(Melanie Safka)

Nothing for me to do
But be alone
Tonight
Maybe I'll sit and write
'Cause if I don't
The ones I met won't
Be my friends for life

Where did I put my paper and pen
Well, I'm looking around
Again

My room is a mess
I can't find the address
Of the ones I like best
Again
You copy you paste you lose
Nothing for me to do
But be alone
Again

Where did I put my friend
I lost the address
Of the place I like best
And I'm looking around
Again

Nothing for me to do
Well, I'm looking around
Again

Where did I put my friend
I lost the address
Of the place I like best
And I'm looking around
Again

Nothing for me to do
But be alone
Tonight
Maybe I'll sit and write
'Cause if I don't
The ones I met won't
Be my friends for life

1952 Vincent Black Lightning

(Richard John Thompson)

Said Red Molly to James, "That's a fine motorbike
A girl could feel special on any such like"
Said James to Red Molly, "Well, my hat's off to you
It's a Vincent Black Lightning, 1952
And I've seen you at the corners and cafes, it seems
Red hair and black leather, my favourite colour scheme"
And he pulled her on behind
And down to Boxhill they did ride
You copy you paste you lose
Said James to Red Molly, "Here's a ring for your right hand
But I'll tell you in earnest, I'm a dangerous man
I've fought with the law since I was seventeen
And I robbed many men to get my Vincent machine
Now I'm twenty-one years and I might make twenty-two
And I don't mind dying, but for the love of you
And if fate should break my stride
Then I'll give you my Vincent to ride"

"Come down, come down, Red Molly", called Sergeant McRae
"For they've taken young James Adie for armed robbery
Shotgun blast hit his chest, left nothing inside
Oh come down, Red Molly, to his dying bedside"
When she came to the hospital, there wasn't much left
He was running out of road, he was running out of breath
But he smiled to see her cry
And he said, "I'll give you my Vincent to ride"

Says James, "In my opinion, there's nothing in this world
Beats a 52 Vincent and a redheaded girl
Now Nortons and Indians and Greeves won't do
Ah they don't have a soul like a Vincent 52"
And he reached for her hand and he slipped her the keys
He said, "I've got no further use for these
I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome
Swooping down from heaven to carry me home"
And he gave her one last kiss and died
And he gave her his Vincent to ride

Louise Was Not Half Bad

(Tom T Hall / written by Paul Siebel)

They all said Louise was not half bad
It was written on the walls and window shades
As though she'd act the little girl
The deceiver, don't believe her, that's her trade
You copy you paste you lose
Sometimes a bottle of perfume
Flowers and maybe some lace
Men brought Louise ten cent trinkets
Their intentions were easily traced

Everybody knew at times she cried
Other women like Louise, they get by

And everybody thought it kind of sad
When they found Louise in her room
They'd all put her down below their kind
Still some cried when she died that afternoon

Louise rode home on the mail train
Somewhere south, I heard it said
Too bad it ended so ugly
Too bad she had to go that way

The wind is blowing cold tonight
Good night, Louise, good night
Good night, Louise, good night

Black Boys On Mopeds

(Sinéad O'Connor)

Margaret Thatcher on TV
Shocked by the deaths that took place in Beijing
It seems strange that she should be offended
The same orders are given by her
You copy you paste you lose
I've said this before now
You said I was childish and you'll say it now
"Remember what I told you
If they hated me, they will hate you"

England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill black boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want to be aware that there's any such thing as grieving

Young mother down at Smithfield
Five AM, looking for food for her kids
In her arms she holds three cold babies
And the first word that they learned was "please"

These are dangerous days
To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
"Remember what I told you
If you were of the world, they would love you"

England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill blacks boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want to be aware that there's any such thing as grieving

All I Could Do

(Kimya Dawson cover / Feat. Jack Palmer)

I played a show a few weeks ago
It's getting harder and harder to sing
And it is hard to focus on my guitar
Playing when inside a baby is kicking

At first I was sad and scared
'Cause this is all I know how to do
Then John and Peter played standing up
Sometimes something will change
And that change will change you

Then I thought back to six years ago
When Brian Pilkton told me to play
He gave me a car, a typewriter, a guitar
All I could do before that was count days
You copy you paste you lose
Then I thought back to before my coma
Rehab in Tacoma, my junkie roommates
All that I knew how to do was put cigarettes
Out on my self, I took pills and I drank

And I thought back to when I was fifteen
How I was squeaky clean and I wanted to die
I was feeding the homeless while combating loneliness
All that I could do was keep living a lie

Then I thought back to that twelve-year-old poet
How she didn't know it was what she would be
All she could do was hide under her bed
Scared to death that somebody might read her diary

See, I have changed and I'll keep on changing
And maybe my songwriting will suffer
But it's okay if at the end of the day
All I can do next is be a good mother

See, I have changed and I'll keep on changing
And maybe my songwriting will suffer
But it's okay if at the end of the day
All I can do next is be a good mother

In The Heat Of The Summer

(Phil Ochs)

In the heat of the summer
While the pavements were burning
The soul of a city was ravaged in the night
After the city sun was sinking
You copy you paste you lose
No need to ask how it started
Why the windows were shattered
Another black kid faced down in the road
Whose life did not seem to matter

Down the street they were rumbling
All the tempers were raging
Oh where, oh where were the white silver tongues
Who forgot to listen to the warnings

On and on they were coming
Bricks and bottles were flying
And the loudspeaker drowned like a whispering sound
Compared to the angered emotions

"No, no, no," moaned the mayor
"That's not the way of the order
Stay in your homes, please, leave us alone
We'll be glad to talk in the morning"

"For shame, for shame," wrote the papers
"Why the hurry to your hunger
Now the rubble is resting on your broken streets
You see what your rage has unraveled"

And when the fury was over
Shame was replacing the anger
So wrong, so wrong, but it's gone out so long
We had to make somebody listen
In the heat of the summer
In the heat of the summer
In the heat of the summer
In the heat of the summer

Pink Emerson Radio

(Kathleen Edwards)

Painted over the walls
The saddest colour of blue
Posters covered in glass
Favorite curbside grab

Red Valentine's card
Stuck on the mirror to keep
Record player made of tubes
Spinning Tommy by The Who

There's no time to waste
There's no time to wait
You copy you paste you lose
Keys on the hook by the door
For the truck sold years ago
Standing guitars in the case
Filling up closet space

Vintage 40's wardrobe
Pink Emerson radio
Old lace dress I bought in the store
Motorcycle boots on the floor

There's no time to waste
There's no time to wait

Sirens up on the street
Smoke is burning my eyes
And the neighbours are screaming at me
I can only carry one thing
I could only carry one thing

There's no time to waste
There's no time to wait
There's no time to waste
There's no time to wait

Skye Boat Song

(Traditional)

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing
"Onward!," the sailors cry
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye

Loud the winds howl, loud the waves roar
Thunderclouds rend the air
Baffled, our foes stand by the shore
Follow they will not dare

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing
"Onward!," the sailors cry
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye

Though the waves leap, soft shall ye sleep
Ocean's a royal bed
Rocked in the deep, Flora will keep
Watch by your weary head

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing
"Onward!," the sailors cry
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye
You copy you paste you lose
Many's the lad fought on that day
Well, the Claymore it wield
When the night came, silently lay
Dead on Culloden's field

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing
"Onward!," the sailors cry
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye

Burned are their homes, exile and death
Scatter the loyal men
Yet ere the sword cool in the sheath
Charlie will come again

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing
"Onward!," the sailors cry
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye

Glacier

(John William Grant & Thorarinsson Birgir)

You just want to live your life
The best way you know how
But they keep on telling you
That you are not allowed

They say you are sick
That you should hang your head in shame
They are pointing fingers
And want you to take the blame

There are days when people are
So nasty and convincing
They say things beyond belief
That sting and leave you wincing

And to boot they say their words
Come straight down from above
And they really seem to think
That what they're doing counts as love

This pain
It is a glacier moving through you
And carving out deep valleys
And creating spectacular landscapes
And nourishing the ground
With precious minerals and other stuff
So, don't you become paralyzed with fear
When things seem particularly rough

Don't you pay them fuckers as they say no, never mind
They don't give two shits about you
It's the blind leading the blind
What they want is commonly referred to as theocracy
And what that boils down to is referred as hypocrisy
You copy you paste you lose
Don't listen to anyone; get answers on your own
Even if it means that sometimes you feel quite alone
No one on this planet can tell you what to believe
People like to talk a lot and they like to deceive

This pain
It is a glacier moving through you
And carving out deep valleys
And creating spectacular landscapes
And nourishing the ground
With precious minerals and other stuff
So, don't you become paralyzed with fear
When things seem particularly rough

Oh this pain
It is a glacier moving through you
And carving out deep valleys
And creating spectacular landscapes
And nourishing the ground
With precious minerals and other stuff
So, don't you become paralyzed with fear
When things seem particularly rough

I Love You So Much

(Noah Britton)

I can't draw
And I can't paint
I can't write
I'll never be a saint
You copy you paste you lose
But I can sing
And I can say
I love you so much
I love you so much
I love you so much
I love you so much

I can't read
Your favorite philosophies
I can't sculpt
Something beautiful for you to see

But I can sing
And I can say
I love you so much
I love you so much
I love you so much
I love you so much
I love you so much
I love you so much
I love you so much

I love you

I CAN SPIN A RAINBOW

Pulp Fiction

We came here as a matching set
The six of us, just us six innocents
A blind date at the fiction
May I peek through your blue eyes
The night is white the lights are flashing
And the six us of are hot
Although it's March, you'll find us splashing
Where the rest of you would not

The room just keeps on spinning as the bad boys play roulette
I lost a shoe, but I keep winning
No contusions no regret
Because it's better to be hammered than a useless rusty nail
It's all the sixes, and we're set, into the morning Abigail

I'm on my knees
Not praying
Is there anybody down there
Sorry, please
It's taken
You won't find anybody in here

We're flying at the fiction on a night you won't believe
Free spirits flailing in the fountain
And near nothing underneath
It's like the movie where she gets the guy
And takes the plane and leaves
The tragic facts of life for losers for a life less ordinary

They all shoot horses, don't they
Sure we're doomed to drop
I don't care how long it takes
Just need to make it to the shops
So can you help me cause I need it
Got my head stuck in this pail
The weekend's young, and I am trying
Turn the light on Abigail

I'm on my knees
Not playing
Can't find anybody in here
For pity's sake, what would I have to
Take for you to listen

So please don't shout
Stop shaking
Don't take any pictures
I'm so sorry, Abby, really
Being blinded by the fiction

Shala's Missing Page

I have a little vial
A little plastic vial
I keep it in my pocket
Deep down where no one sees it

I've carried it for twenty
Two and a half years and we
Touch through the tall electric
Fence wearing masks and blankets

My father always told me
To keep a glass of pepper
So I could fight the night men
So I could sleep forever

If they found my hiding spot
I'll tell you where I keep it locked
At night the code is 3-2-1
Be brave

Share it with our sons

The crack of dawn and rifling
We heard the sound of engines
It was the wind perhaps the
Living room floor collapsing

My father always told me
To say a little prayer
Before I lay my head down
Before the men take over

Eyes tight, one step, I stumble
Into a night dressed navy
I promised, and you promised
I see our children waving

Three, two, one
Be brave

The Shock Of Kontakt

Astrid, do you recall the Sundays at the Spa with double straws
From a carton with a heart on
Who could ask for more

You'd assure me you'd support me
As I tried to write that novel
In the hovel we called home

You'd mow the lawn
You'd pay the bills
You touched me there
You touched me there

The shock of kontakt kept us warm
The shock of kontakt kept us warm
The shock of kontakt kept us warm

Astrid, you kept your word
You never said a word
As I ripped up the pages
Spent your wages
Entertaining friends you hated
Making bombs
I planted them in galleries
Your salary it was wasted (oh, how criminal)

They cut the power
They pulled the plug
They took away the phone
We're quite alone
We share a candle in the cellar
Oh, you touched me there

The shock of kontakt kept us warm
The shock of kontakt kept us warm
The shock of kontakt kept us warm
Warm, warm, warm, warm

And Astrid, as sure as blue skies always turn to grey
They came with guns
I tried to run
And you took all the blame
They took you and I never said a word
And now you never say a word
As I lean through the bars
I whisper my apologies
Oh, jesus you stare clean through me
You cut me down

Still, I touch you there
I touch you there

The shock of kontakt keeps us warm
I touch you there
The shock of kontakt keeps us warm

Beyond The Beach

I cannot recommend the cherries hanging low from this old tree
They glow on moonless nights and taste a bit like paraffin
It's been a decade since it happened, and we're told we can return
But maybe best to boil the water, ignore the after burn

I have an extra hand to hold you with
I have an even tan to show off with
A chest like Annapurna
A heart of precious stone
Maybe a slow burner but there's steel in them dry bones
Mountain man learned to be patient
In a world that keeps mutating
My, oh my, just look how we have grown

And the Geiger counter's ticking
Mountain man is coming close
Been two years, the baby's kicking
A hundred little toes
Mountain man may be a virgin
Aren't we all

The Clock At The Back Of The Cage

We used to talk all the time
The blindfolded bodies you stacked in the barn
And they told you not to look behind you

The elephants walk in a line
The ringmaster takes off his hat to the queen
And she opens her mouth as they file inside

You used to tell me the hurt
The way they would strap you
In freezing white basements
And wire your heart til your hopefulness burst

The queen cannot fit through the arch
So she strips off your sisters and tells you to march
And you fall in line with your hands on your throat
The parade of paralysis starts

The ringmaster heads into town for the day
When they were just little he'd staked them in place
They're free now to roam
And they're free to run home
But they've lost the idea of escape

How they crowned you
Weighted and drowned you
How they made you numb
No bandage around you
I've found and unwound you
Now how to make you run

And the queen she is falling apart
She clutches the bannister shaking in shock
At the ugliness of her own heart
The ugliness of her own heart

I had a dream that we talked
We went to the White Cliffs and went for a walk
And I counted the times that our true loves had died
And you took my hand and looked over the side
And we saw your body down there
Getting taken away by the tide

Now they're all gone but you've stayed
The door is unlatched, but you are not afraid
There's a nice patch of straw and a comfortable cage
The door is unlatched, but you're not afraid
There's a nice patch of straw and a comfortable cage

How they crowned you
Weighted and drowned you
How they made you numb
No bandage around you
I've found and unbound you
Now how to make you run, run, run, run, run

The Changing Room

Carolina Caterpillar's curled up on a leaf
Counting all the new friends that are on her list to leave
Cocoons aren't made for communes
She needs her wings to spread
A forest of old lovers
Not enough for playing dead
"It's not easy being inconclusive"
Carolina said

The sink tastes like an ashtray
Never washed, and upside down
"Get a life" says old aunt agony
She turns the volume down
Teleports back to the bathroom
Where she might be found
Reclining Venus, extra furs
So fine in such a gown
"It's not easy being inconvenient"
Carolina frowned

Now she'll purr like Eartha Kitt with bloody nails
Laetitia's whips
The cat stares from the pillow
Never judging, only sits
If she learned how to be patient
No need to bite her tail
The Oracle, she's ancient
She did not inhale

Carolina Caterpillar slips from hive to hive
She stops off at the pink dot to get cigarettes and flies
She knows she's got an hour before something in her dies
"It's not me, it's you, and that's what's tragic"

Carolina sighs

The Jack Of Hands

Charity begins at homes
For those too sick
Those indisposed
Footsteps in the corridor
Little Johnny's playing dead

They gave the Jack of Hands the key
He's free to tread and lift the sheets
He'll be dressed in white they said

But I don't believe in angels

When the good son rises
When we hear the birds
Little Johnny's curled up and crying
Alas a touch disturbed
The Jack of Hands is far away
He's opening a school
They'll offer him a chariot
But Jack prefers to walk

Dangerous

Hush now
Hush now
Jack is coming
Jack is coming
Shush now
Shush now
Like you're sleeping
Like you're sleeping
He's carrying his special box
No one ever asks what's in it
No more suffer little children
Jack'll fix it
Jack'll fix it

It's Jack the national treasure
Jack's beating on his chest
He's flying off to Africa
Cause Africa's the best

They'll cordon off the airport
Because the crowd is vast
And Jack will play the trinity
He'll be home at last

Still I don't believe in angels

Prithee : Liquidation Day

You make the sun shine
Keep me warm at night

Sometimes you are my guiding light
When I'm weak or desperate
You'll stretch out your hand
It's a hand that offers courage
It's a hand that calms me down
And leads me to a land that we
Discovered countless years ago
Still young enough to change
This wicked world
So tell me angel, where to now

Shall we chase rainbows
Ride the stars by night
Stay close
Be my second sight
Show me our tomorrows
'Cause I can't dream alone

Good Queen Regina has a baby
Needs to shop with just one arm
The retinue is panicking
She stays completely calm
Despite the flying mandarins
The rattling tine, the all-encompassing alarm

Because it's Liquidation Day
Ma'am's one with the people

The Lady Grey is floating
And the camera's zooming in
And baby's loudly choking as
synthetic violins provide a sense of dignity
And keep it neat
And mute the screams

Liquidation Day
Ma'am's one with the people
And everything must go
Royal trucks have blocked the road
The cordon's set in stone
Yet her subjects stand there waving
The flags are at half price
'Cause it pays to advertise
And everybody's nice
They're craving (craving)

Good Queen Regina blows a kiss
To show she's just like one of us
Never fully understood the need for all the fuss
Prefers to be the first not part of that ignoble rush
That ignoble rush

Liquidation Day
It's liberating, hey
To be one all the…

Rainbow's end

I am a little blue-ish dot
Lost in a sea of grey
The red of streets around me
In a box has gone away
Nothing loads it only spins
And the child-lock keeps me in
The signal flashes green
And then decays

I maybe should have just ignored that little voice inside
You know, the aimless one that counts to three then whispers, "Drive"
The one word that was uttered
At the moment that it mattered
I would leave then
Hoping someday I'd arrive (I'd arrive)

I reached out for the shiny button
But it wouldn't scan
I heard a voice from in the static shouting
About a land
Where the highways form a spiral
And the stories all go viral
For a day that lasts a lifetime
In a frozen block of sand

I am blinking in the night
He is turning to the right
"We will get there in the end"
He whispered
Reaching for a light

I am sinking in the grey
It is not night
It is not day
"I will take you where you wanted to go"
He said
And then we drove away

We're somewhere on the telly
In the middle of a road
The story can't be finished
'Cause this picture still won't load
They say that I'm not breathing
But I simply don't believe them
And as soon as this is working
I will make him take me home
Home
Home
Home

THERE WILL BE NO INTERMISSION

The Ride

Everyone's too scared to open their eyes up
But everyone's too scared to close them
Everyone's frightened they don't know what's coming
But everyone's frightened of knowing

Everyone's reading the rules of engagement
And everyone's starting to doubt them
Everyone’s reaching to put on a seatbelt
But this kind of ride comes without them

I want you to think of me sitting and singing beside you
I wish we could meet all the people behind us in line
The climb to the crest is less frightening with someone to clutch you
But isn't it nice when we're all afraid at the same time

And it's just a ride
It's just a ride
And you've got the choice to get off any time that you like
It's just a ride
It's just a ride
The alternative's nothingness, might as well give it a try

Everyone's terrified that they'll be justified
By the collapse that will happen
Everyone's placing their bets just in case
The whole thing's a profound disappointment
Everyone's trying to stay on the side
Where the water's just boiling more slowly
Frogs in a pot, well, that's one thing I've got
At least some of the frogs in here know me

I want you to think of me sitting and singing beside you
The chain pulls us up and we know that we’re all gonna dive
The blur and the noise of the screaming can blind and distract you
But isn't it nice when we all can scream at the same time

And it's just a ride
It's just a ride
And you've got the choice to get off any time that you like
It's just a ride
It's just a ride
The alternative's nothingness, might as well give it a try

And as we all go down
And as we all go round
And as we pitch from side to side
Everything is gonna be all right

Everyone's getting real scared to come out
Because coming out’s going down badly
Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking
And I just want someone to hold me

Some are too scared to let go of their children
And some are too scared now to have them
Suicide, homicide, genocide, man
That's a fuck ton of sides you can choose from

I want you to think of me sitting and singing beside you
I wish we could meet all the people who got left behind
The ride is so loud it can make you think no one is listening
But isn't it nice when we all can cry at the same time

And it's just a ride
It's just a ride
And you've got the choice to get off any time that you like
It's just a ride
It's just a ride
The alternative's nothingness, might as well give it a try

And as we all go down
And as we all go round
And as we switch from side to side
Everything is gonna be just fine
Everyone you love is gonna die
Hopefully this song will come remind you

That it's just a ride
It's just a ride
From the sister you miss
To the father you don't wanna write
It's just a ride

It's just a ride
From the lover you left
To the one that you're frightened to find
It's just a ride
It's just a ride
From the baby you lost
To the one that you're growing inside
Come on out, darling
And don't you cry
It's just a ride

Drowning In The Sound

You worship the sun
And you're aching for change
But you keep starving your heart
And you used to have sisters
You don't anymore
You worship the sun
But you keep feeding the dark

And I'm out in the yard with my son and daughter
And the sky is all black and I think we should start running
Running from the water

And everybody's yelling
Yelling that they're coming
But I don't see a single soul
They're all so busy yelling
Not one of them is hearing
The hissing from the bottom of the boat

I got some feelings up my sleeve
I got a compass in my arm
I got a needle in my heart
It's gonna tell us where we are

South by southwest
Two miles from town
I can't get out
I can't look down
If you can hear
If you're around
I'm over here
I'm over here
I'm watching everyone I love
Drowning in the sound

You worship the sun
But the moon's in the way
So get your armaments out
She's always looking for trouble
She's gonna get what's been coming to her
She's switching the tides
And we can't have that shit around

The television
They're blaring out a warning
That our natural state is drowning
That our natural state is burning

And you're trying to help
And you're clicking for change
And you're calling it out
And you're adding your name
And you're marching for peace
But you're lynching the bitch
That got up in your face
How else they gonna take you seriously

South by southwest
Two miles from town
I can't get out
I can't look down
If you can hear
If you're around
I'm over here
I'm over here
I'm watching everyone I love
Drowning in the sound

Your body is a temple
And the temple is a prison
And the prison's overcrowded
And the inmates know it's flooding
And the body politic is getting sicker by the minute
And the media's not fake
It's just very inconvenient

Do you ever feel like this should be officially the end
And that you should be the one to do the ending
But you can't
Do you ever feel like everyone is slowly letting go
Do you ever feel that
That incredibly alone

And they're saying not to panic
And it's like a broken record
(As if anybody knows what that is)
And they're saying that we'll manage
It's the hottest one on record
And they're saying that
That's just the way it is

Now I can taste it coming
I can taste it with my tongue
And my children are so heavy
But I pick them up and run
And I know I'll have to swim soon
When the water gets too high
I'll keep holding them above me
I'll keep holding them and crying

South by southwest
Two miles from town
I can't get out
I can't look down
If you can hear
If you're around
I'm over here
I'm over here
I'm watching everyone I love
Everyone I love
Everyone I love
Drowning in the sound

You worship the sun
And you're aching for change
But you keep starving your heart
You used to have sisters
You don't anymore
You worship the sun
But you keep feeding the dark

The Thing About Things

I have loaned a lot of things to a lot of friends
Like dresses, and records, and books
And a lot of the time, I never see them again
And in a weird way I think that that works

'Cause the thing about things is they start to turn evil
When you start to forget what they’re for
So if you're not sure what you did with my sweater
I'll just have to love you a little bit more

I had a ring that belonged to my grandfather
He was a Mason and gay
And he was distant and bitter for all of my childhood
We never had much to say

He wasn't the type to give tokens of affection
So I stole the ring when he died
And then twenty years on, when I lost it in a bar
I thought "That's fine, I don't want him in my life"

'Cause the thing about things is that they can start meaning things
Nobody actually said
And if he couldn't make something mean something for me
I had to make up what it meant

I can carry everything I need in one collapsing suitcase
I can carry everyone I love in one phone application
Built to maximize the face time
Of the friends I'm bent on making

Actually, I want to be alone
To mourn the loss
Of what it cost

I think it's a poem, and I think it keeps going
And I've borrowed and loaned lots of things
And three nights ago, in the bar where I lost it
The bartender gave me the ring

And I lay in bed with my phone in my hand
Thinking "What can I fix with which app?"
And I call my grandfather, but he doesn't answer
And I have to make peace with that fact

'Cause the thing about things is that they can start meaning things
Nobody actually said
And if you're not allowed to love people alive
Then you learn how to love people dead

The thing about things is that they can start meaning things
Nobody actually said
And if you're not allowed to love people alive
Then you learn how to love people dead

Judy Blume

People keep asking me why I do things like I do
And in all of this measuring influence I forgot you
You and me lying behind the Monhegan Hotel
And you told me things that nobody around me would tell
That was the summer when everyone touched me at once
It was like one day they ignored me, the next, they were all down my pants
But you were in bed with me, safe, before anyone else
You open beside me and held me when I needed help
You and me lying together at night in my room
You've been inside me forever, Judy Blume

I couldn’t carry a tune but I thought I could sing
And no one had told me yet thoughts were a good or bad thing
But I started noticing grown-ups would smile and cringe
And you taught me that you could say anything you could think

I don't remember my friends from gymnastics class
But I remember when Deenie was at the school dance
Buddy feeling her up in the locker room
Margaret, bored, counting hats in the synagogue
Davey was stirring the tea that she wouldn’t drink
Tony was watching his so-called friend shoplifting
All of them lived in my head, quietly whispering
"You are not so strange"

I don't remember the details of seventh grade
All I remember is lying and being afraid
But I won't forget Katherine and Michael going all the way
Steph on the scale in the bathroom alone that day
Karen pretending to puke so her dad would stay
Margaret arguing with God while she masturbated
All of them mixed up in my head like a love letter
All of them saying, "Amanda, you know better
You are not to blame
The world's a frightening place
So go on and think how you want
You will not be alone with your thoughts
Well, you will but you won't in a way
'Cause a girl thought it too in a book that the library bought"

People will keep asking me why I do things like I do
And from now on I'll tell them Nick Cave, and I'll talk about you
Judy, I can't believe sometimes that I'm an adult
And the girls like I was think that I have this shit figured out
You and me lying together at night in my room
You'll be inside them forever, Judy Blume

Bigger On The Inside

(feat. Zoe Keating)

You'd think I'd shot their children
From the way that they are talking
And there's no point in responding
Cause it will not make them stop

And I am tired of explaining
And of seeing so much hating
In the very same safe haven
Where I used to just see helping

I've been drunk and skipping dinner
Eating skin from off my fingers
And I tried to call my brother
But he no longer exists

I keep forgetting to remember
That he would have been much prouder
If he saw me shake these insults off
Instead of getting bitter....

I am bigger on the inside
But you have to come inside to see me
Otherwise you're only hating
Other people's low-res copies

You'd think I'd learn my lesson
From the way they keep on testing
My capacity for pain
And my resolve to not get violent

But though my skin is thickened
Certain spots can still be gotten
It is typically human of me
Thinking I am different

To friends hooked up to hospital machines
To fix their cancer
And there is no better place than from this
Waiting room to answer

The French kid who wrote an e-mail
To the website late last night
His father raped him and he's scared
He asked me
How do you keep fighting?

And the truth is I don't know
I think it's funny that he asked me
Cause I don't feel like a fighter lately
I am too unhappy

You are bigger on the inside
But your father cannot see
You need to tell someone
be strong
And somewhere some dumb rock star truly loves you

You'd think I'd get perspective
From my view here by the bedside
It is difficult to see the ones I love
So close to death

All their infections and prescriptions
And the will to live at all in question
Can I not accept that my own problems
Are so small

You took my hand when you woke up
I had been crying in the darkness
We all die alone but I am so, so glad
That you are here

You whispered:
"We are so much bigger on the inside,
You, me, everybody
Some day when you're lying where I am
You'll finally get it, beauty

We are so much bigger
Than another one can ever see

But
Trying is the point of life
So don't stop trying
Promise me."

Machete

I have never liked the box of knives
You said was a paradox because you're kind
But withstood a childhood that robbed you blind
Of love that was safe and so you learned to fight

I have never liked the box of knives
You said was a paradox because you're kind
But withstood a childhood that robbed you blind
Of love that was safe and so you learned to fight

I have never liked the box of knives
You said was a paradox because you're kind
But withstood a childhood that robbed you blind
Of love that was safe and so you learned to fight

What do I do with this stuff
It seems like yesterday I called you up
I had a terrible case of the past
I didn't know how to get it off
I didn't know how to get it off

And you took your machete
And you sliced through the vines that wrapped around me
And you said, "I don't know what I'm doing
So I’ll just keep on cutting
It's worth a little blood to get your arms free"

I have never liked the box of knives
You said was a paradox because you're kind
But withstood a childhood that robbed you blind
Of love that was safe and so you learned to fight

I have never liked the box of knives
You said was a paradox because you're kind
But withstood a childhood that robbed you blind
Of love that was safe and so you learned to fight

What do I do with this stuff
It seems like yesterday I was in love
I kept on hardening the soft spots up
I didn't know how to get them off
I didn't know how to get them off

And you took your machete
And you hacked through the wood in the surrounding
And you said
"I don't know where I'm going
I just know that I'm heading
From the dead things piling up behind me

And you took your machete
And you carved out a path to my chest
And you said, "See?
There's nothing not worth keeping
You've felt so many beatings
But nothing's gonna work if you believe me
Nothing's gonna work if you believe me"

I have never liked the box of knives
You said was a paradox because you're kind
But withstood a childhood that robbed you blind
Of love that was safe and so you learned to fight

I have never liked the box of knives
You said was a paradox because you're kind
But withstood a childhood that robbed you blind
Of love that was safe and so you learned to fight

I have never liked the box of knives
I took it to the oceanside the day you died
I stood out on the dock, no matter how hard I tried
I couldn't drop it in and I collapsed and cried

What do I do with this stuff
It seems like yesterday you were alive
And it's as if you never really died
And it's as if you never really died

And you took your machete
You said, "Boo, guess who
But seriously, beauty"
You said, "See?
You get the drill now, don't you
It's not a will or won't you
Can't keep making symbols out of nothing"

So I took your machete
And I sliced off your head
And you laughed, and you said, "See?
It's just like anti-matter
It's Dumbo's magic feather
You don't need me here to cut you
You don't need me here to cut you
You don't need me here to cut you
You don't need me here to cut you
You don't need me here to cut you free"

Voicemail For Jill

Jill, it's Amanda, just waving from London
I know that you're going tomorrow, the hardest decision
And I've been on the side of the phone for a month
And I know you're in hell and you know that I know what you're feeling

Life's such a bitch isn't it
When you have a baby, they throw you a party
And then when you die they get together for a cry

But no one's gonna celebrate you
No one's gonna bring you cake
And no one's gonna shower you with flowers
The doctor won't congratulate you
No one on that pavement's gonna
Shout at you that your heart also matters

I'm not sure that you'll get this in time
I don't know if you're checking your voicemail at all, but in case it's the morning
And you're off of the green line and walking through Copley
I want you to stop for a second, I want you to listen
You don't need to offer the right explanation
You don't need to beg for redemption or ask for forgiveness
And you don't need a courtroom inside of your head
Where you're acting as judge and accused and defendant and witness

It's a strange grief but it's grief
Look at all the women in the street
You know the statistics, Jill
Even though they may not help
Isn't it amazing
How we can never tell
Who is in an identical hell

No one's gonna celebrate you
No one's gonna bring you cake
And no one's gonna shower you with flowers
The doctor won't congratulate you
No one on that pavement's gonna
Shout at you that your heart also matters

No one's gonna compliment you
No one's gonna nod their heart
And wink in league with what you are pursuing
No one's gonna tie surprise balloons
Onto your desk at work
And no one's gonna ask you how you're doing

But I'll be back in Boston by next Thursday
Why don't I come over
I can bring some friends if you want us to come

We can bring you cake and we can bring you flowers
We can bring you wine and we can talk for hours
Ukulele by request
We'll throw you the best
Abortion shower

A Mother's Confession

Our son is four months old his name is Anthony or Ash for short
And he's too small to do things by himself
We were in L.A. over Christmas in a rental and we jury-rigged a place
To change his diapers on a shelf
I was peeing in the bathroom and had left him for a second
Cause I thought he couldn't move and he was safe
As I came out I saw him falling in slow motion to the floor
It was probably the worst moment of my life

And then I accidentally stole a thing of chapstick from the safeway
I didn't see it 'til I got out to the car
I would have usually returned it but I was overwhelmed
And late to take the baby to my cousins which was far away

In my defense, I'd bought like $87 worth of groceries
And the chapstick was a $1.99...
I know it wasn't the right thing to use
To use my newborn child as an excuse
But it felt like a real reason at the time

And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried
And as I pulled onto the highway I said "right…
At least the baby didn't die...right?
At least the baby didn't die..."

And then we went to Sarasota
To see Neil's cousin Helen
For her birthday she just turned ninety-nine
We were also there for Sidney
Who was ninety-four two days before
But he was sick, so mostly it was Ash and Helen time

She survived the Warsaw ghetto
And she always says "I love you"
When she sees you 'cause she knows you never know
She'd worked for months while I was pregnant
On a gorgeous handmade blanket
Her almost-hundred-year-old hands crocheting every row

I'd been emailing her pictures of the baby and the blanket
Every day since she had sent it in the mail
But they were of one that someone else had knitted
She was really nice about it
Then I went and shoplifted a pair of stupid sunglasses
From Goodwill (they were on my head
I'd tried them on and left them there)
But that's not really bad compared to
When we left the baby in the car

At least he wasn't in there very long
And not directly in the sun
And thank god no-one walking by happened to notice what we'd done
I'm even scared to put these lyrics in a song

But
Everything is relative and everyone's related
I can't do that much right now
But take care of this baby
I figure everything's technically all right
If at least this baby doesn't die

(I'd also like his dad alive... so honey... careful when you drive)

And then I took a plane to Washington alone
So we could visit Jason Webley who's his godfather
He's playing the accordion
I couldn't wait to see him and share tales of my disasters
Over dinners in his houseboat when I saw I'd lost my passport

So I got a rush appointment at the place where you replace them
And I drove the baby in and on the way I got a speeding ticket

When the cop came to the window I was shaking and I said "I'm sorry"
But you couldn't hear me that's how loud the sound of screaming was
Cause he was hungry and I think that I was speeding
Cause I panic when I hear him cry
My god what kind of a mother am I

And as I pulled out of the breakdown lane I cried
And as I pulled out on the highway I said "right
At least the baby didn't die, right?
At least the baby didn't die."

While I was waiting for my passport I was hungry so
I twittered for good coffee in the neighborhood
And there I saw a woman who was sitting at the bar
And it was noon and she was drinking
And she called across the diner at me "How old is your baby?"
And she smiled at us nursing
And she said she had a daughter who was grown
And then she paused
And said she also had a son

And when I'd paid and was about to leave
I picked him up and crossed the room and touched her sleeve
I said, "Hey, this baby wanted to say hi."
And she held him tight and she started to cry

And I'm sorry that this story's gotten long
And that everybody's crying in this song

And as I got back in the car I turned the radio and heater on
And sat there with the baby in the back
And they were talking about Syria and climate change and ISIS
And the candidates' positions on Iraq
I feel so useless in this universe
I know I could be doing worse
I'm trying hard to stay at peace inside
I know it's hard to be a parent
But my flaws are so gigantic
I wonder if I should have had a child

And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried
And as I pulled out on the highway I said

"Right
At least the baby didn't die
Right
At least the baby didn't die
[EVERYBODY:]
At least the baby didn't die! right?!
At least the baby didn't die!
(I may not make it to the passport place on time!)
At least the baby didn't die
(And they might suspend my license for a while!)
At least the baby didn't die
(And I might get caught for retroactive theft!)
At least the baby didn't die
(And I might get turned into the DSS!)
But at least the baby didn't die."

Look Mummy No Hands

(Dilly Keane Cover / Live)

Remember the fair, mum
The two of us there, mum
By the merry-go-round

I stood there entranced
As the bright horses danced
To a magical sound

Just a dollar for pleasure untold
And I rode in a whirl of scarlet and gold

Look mummy, no hands
I'm riding the roundabout all by myself
Look mummy, no hands
I called as I passed her, faster and faster
Hold on tight darling, she called out in fear
But I laughed and pretended that I couldn't hear
How careless we are when we're young

Remember the years
Of the sulks and the tears
Do you recall

I hated you when you said
Be back by ten
I knew it all

Always asking to know what I'd done
When as far as I knew, I was just having fun

Look mummy, no hands
I know how to take good care of myself
Look mummy, no hands
Please, don’t be a bore, 'cause I know the score
She tried to warn me, but I didn't heed her
I was grown up, and I didn't need her
How careless we are when we're young

Remember the daughter
And all that you taught her

Death Thing

Let's try to end on a pleasant note
You've ended endless things, and you know how it goes
You lick your wounds, put them in a jar on a shelf
You lick a stamp on a letter to your old self

You always liked being good at things, didn't you
Isn't it funny what a person can get used to
And now, just look what you've done
I hope you're happy, you've beaten everyone
I think it's fair to say the word is all over town

Did he answer? No
Did he answer? No
Did he answer? No

Not even a whisper, no
So it's over, yes
So you know the drill
You're the expert
You're the expert
You're the expert

Congratulations
You've really got this death thing down

You're really good at making introverted people calm
First grade fourth place standing broad jump
Violent and velvet painting, slaughtering an ego taming
You clocked a thousand hours, baby, you can master all of them

You can take an everlasting love and you can have it
You don't always get to pick what you get good at
Now, look how far you've come
You used to need them, and now you could lose everyone
Without even blinking an eye

So go on, put on your crown

Did she answer? No
Did she answer? No
Did she answer? No
Not a single heartbeat, no
So it's over, yes
So you know the drill

You're the expert

Congratulations
You've really got this death thing down
You've really got this death thing down
You've really got this death thing down
You've really got this death thing down

Jai guru deva om
Yeah, you've really got this death thing down
She's grown up at last

With a child of her own
She struggles alone
As the years all rush past

But now you're not there to answer her call
You're not there to catch her when she stumbles and falls

Look mummy, no hands
I'm having to do it all by myself
Look mummy, no hands
I used to dismiss you, now I just miss you
As my child grows away from me, I feel my heart sinking
I look back and smile, and I find myself thinking
How careless we are when we're young

FORTY-FIVE DEGRESS: A BUSHFIRE CHARITY FLASH RECORD

My Favourite Things (Bushfire Edition)

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Boys in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Rain never falling and whisked away kittens
Evacuations and cars people live in
Kangaroos burning and birds with no wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Beautiful sunsets ironically colored
Homes with no power and kids with no mothers
Smug politicians with necks we could wring
These are a few of my favorite things

Boris and Megxit and Scotty and ISIS
And bushfires and wildfires and climate and crisis
Silver white icebergs that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dogs die, when the bees die
When I'm feeling blue
I simply remember my favorite things
Oh no, I'll be dead like you

Beds Are Burning

(Crystal Tears cover / Feat. Missy Higgins)

Out where the river broke
The bloodwood and the desert oak
Holden wrecks and boiling diesels
Steam in forty-five degrees

The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent
To pay our share

The time has come
A fact's a fact
It belongs to them
Let's give it back

How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning

The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent now
To pay our share

Four wheels scare the cockatoos
From Kintore, east to Yuendemu
The Western Desert lives and breathes
In forty-five degrees

The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent
To pay our share

The time has come
A fact's a fact
It belongs to them
Let's give it back

How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
How do we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning

The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent now
To pay our share

The time has come
A fact's a fact
It belongs to them
We're gonna give it back

How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning

How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning
How can we dance when our earth is turning
How do we sleep while our beds are burning

The Drover's Boy

(Ted Egan cover)

They couldn't understand why the drover cried
As they buried the drover's boy
The drover had always seemed so hard
To the men in his employ
A bolting horse, the stirrup lost
And the drover's boy was dead
The shovelled dirt, a mumbled word
And it's back to the road ahead
And forget about the drover's boy
Forget about the drover's boy

And they couldn't understand why the drover cut
The lock of the dead boy's hair
And put it in the band of his battered old hat
As they watched him standing there
And he told them to take the cattle on
I'll sit with the boy a while
A silent thought, a pipe to smoke
And it's ride another mile
And forget about the drover's boy
Forget about the drover's boy

And they couldn't make out why the drover and the boy
Always camped so far away
For the tall white man and the slim black boy
Never had much to say
And the boy would be gone at the break of dawn
Tail the horses, carry on
While the drover roused the sleeping men
Daylight, hit the road again
And follow the drover's boy
Follow the drover's boy

In the Camooweal Pub they talked about
The death of the drover's boy
They drank their rum with the stranger who'd come
From the Kimberley run, Fitzroy
And he told of the massacre in the West
Barest details, guess the rest
Shoot the bucks, grab a gin
Cut her hair, break her in
And call her a boy, the drover's boy
Call her a boy, the drover's boy

So when they build that stockman's hall of fame
And they talk about the droving game
Remember the girl who was bedmate and guide
Rode with the drover side by side
Watched the bullocks, flayed the hide
Faithful wife but never bride
Bred his sons for the cattle run
But don't weep for the drover's boy
Don't mourn for the drover's boy
But don't forget the drover's boy

Black Smoke

(Emily Wurramara cover / Feat. Clare Bowditch)

I'll be sleeping under stars tonight
Not sure exactly where I'll be
Maybe underneath the pale moonlight
Or maybe underneath that tree

Black smoke
Writing in the sky tonight
Everything will be alright
If you let go

Humans
All gathered in the place tonight
Everything will be alright
If you let go

I'll be sleeping under stars tonight
Not sure exactly where I'll be
Maybe underneath the pale moonlight
Or maybe underneath that tree

Black smoke
Writing in the sky tonight
Everything will be alright
If you let go

Humans
All gathered in the place tonight
Everything will be alright
If you let go

Black smoke
Writing in the sky tonight
Everything will be alright
If you let go

Humans
All gathered in the place tonight
Everything will be alright
If you let go

Suck It Up, Buttercup

Walking through the woods I saw a sign nailed to a tree
I knew the sign was meant for girls like me who couldn't read

A man with a girl by the throat
A bottle of dettol
A bottle of rum
And a painting of smoke
Coming off of a settler's roof
It looked just like a house I knew

Walking down the street I saw a sign nailed to a tree
I knew the sign was made for girls like me who couldn't read
The rain came down I shut my eyes
I opened them again
I tried real hard to make some sense of what the pictures meant

A man hanging down from a tree
A man that look something like me
A bottle of dettol
A bottle of pills
And a painting of smoke
Coming out of a house on fire
It looked just like my neighbor's house

C is for civilized now we will make you
And B is for baptism now we will name you
And P it's for petticoat pretty and fitting
Now here is the paper that said you were willing

Old prescriptions left in bottles
You don't give that to a child
Human chains that stretch for miles
You don't give that to a child
Time is up
Suck it up
Buttercup

Walking to the bar I saw a sign nailed to a tree
I knew the sign was meant for girls like me who couldn't read
I tried my best to understand, but still I feel I've failed
I even tried to kill myself, I even did my nails

A woman tied up to the back of a truck
A man in a uniform
A man with his pants down
And a man with a gun

A bottle of dettol
And painting of smoke
Coming off of the tasman strait
It looked just the maps from school

D is for devil and also for daughter
And T is for truth
And S is for slaughter
And R is for rapist
And F is for father
It's time for the test
Here's your pencil and paper

And B is for brother who hid in the bedroom
And F is for friend who stood by and did nothing
And Q is for quarrelsome crass little girl
And E's for the end of the W world

Old prescriptions left in bottles
You don't give that to a child
Human chains that stretch for miles
You don't give that to a child
Time is up
Suck it up
Buttercup

Walking through the woods I saw a sign nailed to a tree
I saw the picture of the girl
I knew the girl was me
I'm sorry that you had to waste your paint on everyone
I'm sorry that I'm still alive
I'm sorry I'm so dumb

And I saw the sign catch on fire
I saw the tree catch on fire
I saw the woods catch on fire
I saw the world catch on fire

And then I saw my mother
Walking out of the embers

She said
No more trees means no more hangings
No more words and no more learning
No more fighting, no more fire
Go to sleep now, mama's tired

No more trees and no more hangings
No more words and no more learning
No more fighting, no more fire
Go to sleep now, mama's tired
Go to sleep now, mama's tired
Go to sleep now, mama's tired
Go to sleep now, mama's tired

Truganini

(Midnight Oil cover / Feat. Montaigne)

There's a road train going nowhere
Roads are cut, lines are down
We'll be staying at the Roma bar
Till that monsoon passes on

The backbone of this country's broken
The land is cracked and the land is sore
Farmers are hanging on by their fingertips
We cursed and stumbled across that shore

I hear much support for the monarchy
I hear the Union Jack's to remain
I see Namatjira in custody
I see Truganini's in chains

And the world won't stand still
And the world won't stand still

Blue collar work it don't get you nowhere
You just go round and round in debt
Somebody's got you on that treadmill, mate
And I hope you're not beaten yet

I hear much support for the monarchy
I hear the Union Jack's to remain
I see Namatjira in custody
I see Truganini's in chains

I hear much support for the monarchy (I hear)
I see the Union Jack in flames, let it burn
I see Namatjira with dignity
I see Truganini's in chains (I see, I see)
I see Truganini's in chains

And the world won't stand still
And the world won't stand still
And the world won't stand still
And the world won't stand still

Solid Rock

(Goanna cover / Feat. Fred Leone)

Out here nothing changes
Not in a hurry anyway
You can feel the endlessness
With the coming of the light of day
You're talking 'bout a chosen place
You wanna sell it in a marketplace
Well

You're standing on solid rock
Standing on sacred ground
Living on borrowed time
And the winds of change
Are blowing down the line
Right down the line

Round about the dawn of time
When the dreaming all began
A crowd of people came
They were looking for their promised land
We're running from the heart of darkness
Searching for the heart of light
It was their paradise

They were standing on solid rock
Standing on sacred ground
Living on borrowed time
And the winds of change
Were blowing cold that night

They were standing on the shore one day
Saw the white sails in the sun
Wasn't long before they felt the sting
White man, white law, white gun

Don't tell me that it's justified
'Cause somewhere someone lied
Someone lied, someone lied, someone lied
Genocide

And now you're standing on solid rock
Standing on sacred ground
Living on borrowed time
And the winds of change
Are blowing down the line

Solid rock
Standing on sacred ground
Living on borrowed time
And the winds of change
Are blowing down the line

Solid rock
Standing on sacred ground
Living on borrowed time
And the winds of change
Are blowing down the line

Regional Echo

(Jen Cloher cover)

Noisy Miners
Bully the suburbs
Out beyond the haze
Seaside holiday houses
Lay quiet as a grave
Tombs of dreams past
Wealth gone to waste
The Australian dream is fading
Stolen anyway

And I'm never gonna lose my head to a setting sun
I'm never gonna dream of things that just can't be done

Pavement's too hot to walk on barefoot
So you hop and skip
Prawns in wheelie bins marinate
A cocktail of stink
Bat swaying on
The power line
Wings open in surrender
This is how you die

I'm never gonna lose my head to a setting sun
I'm never gonna dream of things that just can't be done
I'm never gonna say, never gonna do, never gonna be
Anything more than what's expected of me
It's true
It's true
It's true
It's true

I'm never gonna lose my head to a setting sun
I'm never gonna dream of things that just can't be done
I'm never gonna say, never gonna do, never gonna be
Anything more than what's expected of me
Anything more than what's expected of me

The Man Who Ate Too Much

8,000 miles away
My life is still packed up in boxes
I was positive I would sort out in May
I keep telling my friends that it's strange
How many times can you say that before it's not strange?

Now we've spent all summer and the winter on the stingray that was hacked to pieces
And Ash points to the giant in the mountain and he asks me where his arms is

Another man who ate too much
And women keep grieving numb with the songs we sing
I wanted to get back to New York
And now it isn't looking promising

But Kaya brought Izzy's old coat and it fits like a glove
And Aton put Ash on his back when we went for a walk
And one of these days, I swear, I'll take a second for me
And one of these days, swear to God, I'll get out to the sea

8,000 miles away
A man in a White House refuses to face his own pain
Why should it matter? What lives really matter?
Why bother to open your heart when there's pussy and fame?

And we put our money on the study of an army that relies on terror
And Ash points to the statue of the captain and he asks me what it's there for

Another man who ate too much
And women keep grieving numb with the songs we sing
I was hoping New York would open up
And now it isn't looking promising

But Kaya brought Izzy's old coat and it fits like a glove
And Aton put Ash on his back when we went for a walk
And Lu gave a history book of New Zealand to me
And today we met somebody nice and her name is Rosheen

I've spent eleven years chasing the summer
Ain't karma a bitch? Now it's endless December
Stuck in a house where the post won't deliver
Stuck in a book by a paralyzed writer
Trying to read to my son by a sliver of
Hope from a broken light, we'll have to pay for
It's no kind of life for a kid to grow up in
I guess I'll stop taking these prenatal vitamins
Christ what a waste, maybe someone could use them
But I can't keep having to look at them, look at them
Look at them, look at them

8,000 miles away
The man in the house gets a little more broke everyday
Who says what's real and what's fake?
You've been lying so much for so long, I don't know what to say

And I keep on telling all my friends it's not that bad, but that depends what bad is
And Ash points to the family in the story and he asks me where the dad is

Another man who ate too much
And women keep grieving numb with the songs we sing
I was hoping that you would open up
And now it isn't looking promising

But Kaya brought Izzy's old coat and it fits like a glove
And Aton put Ash on his back when we went for a walk
And Linda let Ash play her pinball and loaned us a car
And Jud showed us the orchard and where all the good apples are

And Izzy keeps bringing her toys that she thinks Ash would like
A mouse, a Moana, some books and a little white bike
And Lu gave a history book of New Zealand to me
And today after school we'll drive over and visit Rosheen

And Rosheen and her kids made the most beautiful Christmas tree
Out of driftwood they gathered, from her house by the sea
Out of driftwood they gathered, from her house by the sea
Out of driftwood they gathered, from her house by the sea

The Ballad Of The New York Times

It's a cousin of the song I wrote a year ago
Like a first cousin, so they can't have babies

They sell Canadian grade A maple syrup in New Zealand
It's expensive but I splurge
So I can put it on our pancake breakfast and
Sometimes I forget to put the lid on and the ants come
Into the kitchen of this AirB&B we've been renting for six months for a fortune and
Sometimes I take a magazine and I escort them two by two
In a little glossy lifeboat into the garden and
Sometimes I just create an ant holocaust and kill them all
With a paper towel
(Fuck the ants!)

I don't understand which part of me is kind
I don't understand which part of me can be so goddamn unkind
I don't understand why I'm tired all the time
All I know is that last night I wanted to go to bed by five o'clock
And I took off my necklace
And I turned on the heater
And I couldn't stop shaking
So I put on a sweater

And I read the New York Times
On an app in my phone next to my sleeping child
And the headlines hurt my mind
Five thousand dead, Cher got an elephant back into the wild
And the light on his face
And his curly-haired head
And I knew I should be reading a good book instead
I can't fit all of all humanity into this bed
With me

Yesterday I walked by a homeless man in Queen Street
I gave him twenty dollars and then went into a cafe and
Someone had sent a crowd-fund from their cousin in Milwaukee
And their seven month old baby died and they don't have any money
For a funeral for the baby so they started a Go-Fund-Me
And I fucking deleted the email
I didn't give them any money
And I didn't put it up on Twitter
Or share it on Facebook
And later in the day I called my friend in Boston
She has a five year old boy too and I asked how they were doing
She said, "We're doing really great
We're just getting out of lockdown
And yesterday we finally left the house and went out walking and we
All went to the toy store" and I said, "Oh, that's amazing"
And she said, "Yeah, but you know, of course the kids had to wear masks"
And I was like, "Oh, you know, that's- that's fine" and she said
"Yeah, and also, like, the kids couldn't touch any of the toys
But anyway, enough about me, how are things going in New Zealand?"
And I said, "They're pretty good"

I don't understand which part of me is fine
I don't understand which part of me can be so goddamn un-fine
I don't understand why I'm so random all the time
All I know is that last night I had to go to bed by five o'clock
And I took off my necklace
And I turned on the heater
I couldn't stop shaking
So I put on a sweater

And I read the New York Times
On the app on my phone next to my sleeping child
And the headlines hurt my mind
Ten thousand dead and how that dress looked hot on Harry Styles
And the light in his face
And his curly-haired head
I knew I should be reading a good book instead
I can't fit all of humanity into this bed
With me

And Emily's dad just died of COVID
And Neil's first editor just died of COVID
And Justine's mom just died of COVID
And Michael got real sick but didn't die of COVID
And look, a lot of people are vaccinated
And look, a lot of people are lying on Facebook
And look, a lot of human's life getting wasted
And American swimming took gold at the Olympics

I don't understand why the world can be so fine
I don't understand how the world can be so fucking un-fine
I don't understand why I've been drinking all the time
All I know is the last time I had to go to bed by five o'clock
And I left all my clothes on
And I pulled up the covers
And I got Ash's dinner
And I let the dishes just sit there
And I brushed Ash's teeth and
We read Harry Potter
And I turned all the lights out
And I should have known better

But I read the New York Times
On the app on my phone in the pitch black room
And the headlines hurt my mind
Four million dead and billionaires are sending shit to the moon
And the light in his face
And his curly-haired head
And I knew I should be reading a good book instead
I can't fit all of humanity into this bed
With me

Shh
Mama's trying to read
Mama's trying to read
Mama's trying to read

Whakanewha

(Featuring Aurelia Torkington)

Another forest metaphor
You've heard a million before
The trees know everything, I tried a wedding ring
But you just cringed and said, "What for?"
And now the whole thing's turned to ash
You try to cover it with cash
Another falling tree no one can hear but me
Another suicidal mass
Landing on my doorstep, thanks a ton
Oh, darling, how can I repay you for what you have done?

And then you lied to me at Whakanewha
And you sealed it with a kiss
I wanted to live with you, but, fuckin'-a, fuck you
No one on Earth could live like this

Another clear-cut load of crap
A few more corpses in the sack
You'll get away with it, it's just the same old script
This world is shaped to have your back
You said, "I'm sorry," then you ran
And went and did it all again
I'm such a fool, I know
Street smart but gullible
I see the good in everything
A pound of flax, a pound of steel
I may be dumb, but I can feel
I wonder when you'll realize what you had

A frightened bird, a crystal ball
So sad, you could've had it all
But you hate yourself too much to want all that
I had so much hope for your broken heart
But you've made your choice, and you chose the dark

And so I'll bury you at Whakanewha
And have a party with my friends
I'll miss you terribly, but, fuckin'-a, fuck me
It feels so good to love again
And so I'll bury you at Whakanewha
And have a party with my friends
I'll miss you terribly, but, fuckin'-a, fuck me
It feels so good to love again

Little Island

Jamie says the Kiwis loved Americans
The moonshot, JFK and Lucky Strikes
Now there's just this pity and embarrassment
The Proud Boys, COVID deaths and Oscar night

Jamie says the old days here were simpler
No television, coffee and no phones
And even people third, fourth generation
When they were talking about England they'd say... "home"

Oh I owe you little island
Little island bigger than my mind
Some of us are proud of what we brought here
Some of us are proud of what we left behind

Jamie took me to the family graveyard
Up near where he grew up on the farm
His little sister died when he was six years old
And she was buried there between his dad and mom

Jamie went to gaze into the sunset
And I wandered around wondering what to do
And that's when I saw the headstone with the swastika
This mongrel mob guy next to a guy from World War Two

Oh I owe you little island
Little island bigger than the sun
Some of us are proud of what we fought for
Some of us are proud of how far we could run

And there's a cloud of doubt
Hanging over the hangman's back
And there's a long white cloud
Hanging over the Union Jack

Jamie says that people always leave here
Because Europe and Australia have work
Jamie says he's never left the country
But he swears he'll come and see me in New York

Oh I owe you little island
Little island bigger than the sun
Some of us are proud of what we fought for
Some of us are proud of how far we could run

Oh I love you little island
Little island bigger than the whole UK
Some of us are proud of where we came from
Some of us have got to settle being proud
That we got away
That we got away

Two Prophetic and Haunting Songs About New Zealand Live On Ukulele

So, I wanted to play what I've been referring to on this tour as "the New Zealand trilogy."
My history with this place is pretty weird and coincidental, and synchronicity has visited me quite a few times when I've been touring in this country.
I was here some years ago, again at, like, the end of a tour, tired, and I was supposed to play a show in Christchurch and I came, as I did this time, up to Napier to visit my friend Kya
Just for a couple of days to take a few moments off, and then I was in the airport in Napier, about to board a flight to Christchurch and, all of a sudden
All of the plains were cancеled because thеre was an earthquake. And, it turns out, the venue I was supposed to be playing that night in Christchurch was gone.
And, had I been in that venue eight hours later, I would have been, with all of the people in the venue, very possibly killed.
And, you know, a lot like this round, it's just really strange, the coincidences that happen to you as you're moving through the world and touring

And on another tour, right around the same time, I had written this song, this spontaneous song about Tasmania. It was basically a song about pubic hair.
And then, a week or so later, I found myself touring here and someone made a snide comment saying, like, "Hey, you wrote a song for the Australians, what about us? We don't ever get a song?"
And I was like "I'm so tired, I'm at the end of tour, don't make me do it!" But, there I was, backstage in a little club in Wellington thinking, "oh, this poor country, I should write a song for them too." So I did.
This is that song but it takes on a really strange new meaning when you consider where I wound up nine years later. I'm going to play it for you now and you'll understand in a second. It goes like this

New Zealand, New Zealand
You caught me on an awful day
My little life is all fucked up
My psyche is in disarray
New Zealand, New Zealand
I wish I could enjoy you more
I wish I had more time to see
Your cliffsides and your blackened shores

New Zealand, New Zealand
I don't know why I tour this way
Trapped inside an airplane
And Twittering the scenery
New Zealand, New Zealand
I feel like shit, what can I say?
My period is six days late
My pubic hair is turning grey
But I don't believe in the beauty standard
And there's no way that I'm pregnant
So it's technically okay

Everything is so beautiful here
The people on Cuba Street
Drinking their beer
I wish I could stay here and never go home
I wish I could be just like Holly Hunter in The Piano
And not have to talk to anyone, even though there's technically nothing wrong with my voice
And just play piano and make love to hot local boys

New Zealand, New Zealand
You caught me at the end of tour
My psyche is collapsing
And I cannot do this anymore
New Zealand, New Zealand
My song is coming to an end
I hope you have enjoyed it
And I hope I get my period
I hope I haven't grossed you out
But that's what you get when you ask me to write a song about your country in twenty minutes

Thank you! So that was that masterwork! And then I thought it would be funny in mid-March when I was playing these songs, or, you know, I was touring in Auckland and Christchurch
And in both cases I almost nearly cancelled the show because of what was going on with COVID and, you could imagine, this was like March 14th, 15th, and things were just very strange
And the venue didn't really know what to do, and I didn't really know what to do, and the people in the crowd didn't really know what to do, and everyone was like "we'll use hand sanitizer, it'll be great!"

Looking back, we were just very lucky. I had just flown from Melbourne. I could have, well, been carrying COVID and spitting on everyone, but that didn't happen.
I dodged a bullet. But I thought it would be funny if I played a new song, that I'll play for you, kind of as a time capsule, kind of an extension of that song
But updated for what was happening on, whatever it was, March 14th, to the people of Auckland and it went like this

Hello, Aotearoa
Good evening, kia ora
I am from a country that's far, far away
And my country's been having a very bad day

There is news of a virus
There are racists and violence
Yes, the crisis and climate's not mild
And our leader's a psychopath child

And now I'm here in Auckland
And now things could get awkward
If the news keeps on going this way
It could be that I'll be forced to stay

But as long as I can send
For my son and my husband
Who are over the Tasman, well
Things won't be that bad then

I think this is a really great place
To watch the fall of the human race
You've got fantastic coffee and beer
Yes, if the shit's going to hit the fan
New Zealand, I think I'll stay here

( Who Killed Amanda Palmer - Alternate tracks LP )

We had written
We would sit down
And start again
From the beginning

It was finally time
To stop whining
And start doing
Anything, something
To make them believe we were living

And we kept on bleeding
Long after the signatures
Dried on the paper
I stole from Melissa's Macbeth

And oh how I needed so much to believe it
And isn't it sick how I thought that I knew you to death

How romantic
Ushering in the New Year
With our childish antics

And now soon after
The gullible glimmer of hope turned to sarcastic laughter

And we were intelligent people with eyes in our heads
It's astonishing is it
I thought you looked just plain shy a quiet kind of guy

With abandonment waiting behind every corner
A delicate son of a loner how lonely was I

There is still time
We could still try
It's very difficult
When no one's there to
Catch you in the rye

You kept saying
That the blackout were godsend
At least it made living worth hating
You kept taking the bad with the worse
Like some curse that your mother was making

Oh and isn't it funny years later
To look at it broken and shaking our heads
Laughing if we'd known back then what trouble it would bring

To actually want to create something beautiful
Now we've turned into those pitiful people
Too scared to touch
And drinking way too much

Oh it's typical
Isn't it
Say it you cynic
We asked for it

Didn't we ask for it
Didn't we want to be
Lesser and lesser
And covered and down with it

Didn't it
Didn't it
Didn't it
No

There is still time
We could still try
It's very difficult
When no one's there to
Catch you in the rye

Ambien

Ambien, arsenic
And make me a lesbian
Make me a something
So I can forget him
And get back to reading
And get back to sleep again
Out of van, marzipan
Anything, anything

CNN, TRL
Make me a vegetable
Show me the war and remind me to hate them all
Shooting off nerves at each other
How could I deserve to be crying here
Under the covers

But I just want to make it through the night
I just want to feel like I'll survive
Everything is relative that's right
You've never suffered a day in your life

Make me thirteen again
Mannequin, safety pins
Things were so simple then
No of this drawn out
Selection
I made no distinction
I just hated one
BBC, history
Make me feel ugly
Something with Nazis would do the job perfectly
He's just a boy what on earth am I thinking
The billions treasure each drop they are drinking
And I just want to make it through the night
I just want to know that I'll survive
Everything is relative that's right
But you've never suffered a day in your life

Poor little rich girl
Playing piano
All of the practice
We think you'd have learned by now
Poor little rich girl
Playing piano
What good is practice
If you haven't learned by now
Poor little rich girl
Playing piano
What good is practice
If you haven't learned by now
Poor little rich girl
Playing piano
It is a big world
I think you'd have learned by now
There are no starving chinese
In your bedroom
The finger that points is attached to your elbow
Poor little rich girl
Playing piano
It is a big world
I think you'd have learned by now
There are no starving chinese
In your bedroom
The finger that points is attached to your elbow

A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square

(Written by Eric Maschwitz and composed by Manning Sherwin / With BBC Symphony Orchestra)

That certain night, the night we met
There was magic abroad in the air
There were angels dining at the Ritz
And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

I may be right, I may be wrong
But I'm perfectly willing to swear
That when you turn'd and smiled at me
A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

The moon that lingered over London town
Poor puzzled moon, he wore a frown
How could he know we two were so in love
The whole damn world seemed upside down

The streets of town were paved with stars
It was such a romantic affair
And as we kissed and said goodnight
A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

I know, 'cause I was there
That night in Berkeley Square

Anti-Ukulele Anthem

(Andrew O'Neill & Amanda Palmer)

Evil multi-nation cut-throat corporations
Pretending they're not evil using twee ukulele songs

McDonald's and HSBC and carbon-burning energy companies
Convincing you that they're not cunts using twee ukulele songs

It doesn't matter what they sell, it could be a ticket straight to hell
As long as the advert's twee as fuck, with a hipster girl in a vintage frock

Or an animation of something cute, we'll overlook the obvious truth
That you're evil and corrupt and you're raping the Earth for profit

You perpetuate the ongoing wholesale destruction of Millions of innocent lives every day
You've fucked the climate, you hold the poor to ransom
Yours is a war against basic human dignity

But that's okay if the advert's got
A fucking ukulele

( 8in8 Nighty Night EP )

Because the Origami didn't work
We gave you dancing lessons
Because the dancing lessons made you bored
We bought you a guitar

Because you said it made your fingers sore
We found you a pony
Because the pony broke your leg and ran away
We got you drums

But the drums annoyed our neighbours so
We gave you cooking lessons
And the cooking lessons made you fat
We bought you running shoes
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
If you hear this, please
We love you Tommy
We know it never was about
Origami

Because you took the shoes and ran away
We gave them your description
Now we haven't heard a thing in weeks

Because we don't know where you are
We're putting out this song
Because we think that you might hear
And know where you belong
So what did we do wrong

If you hear this, please
We love you Tommy
Please, come home
We've left your room
Exactly
Exactly

And if you ever hear this song
Know we send our love
Take your origami skills
And make a paper dove
Send a message home
We promise not to teach you
We don't care what you've done
We hope that this will reach you

If you hear this, please
We love you Tommy
We won't ask you anything
We won't be angry

Before Too Long

(Paul Kelly cover / Missy Higgins feat. Amanda Palmer / Oz LP)

Before too long
The one that you're loving
Will wish that he'd never met you
Before too long
He who is nothing
Will suddenly come into view

So let the time keep rolling on
It's on my side
Lonely nights will soon be gone
High is the tide
Copy paste is a sin, always on the run is better
Before too long
We'll be together
And no one will tear us apart
Before too long
The words will be spoken
I know all the action by heart

And as the night-time follows day
I'm closing in
Every dog will have his day
And any dog can win

Shut the shade, do not fear anymore
Here I come creeping round your back door

Before too long
I'll be repeating
What's happened before in my mind
Before too long
Over and over
Just like a hammer inside

As the night-time follows day
I'm closing in
Every dog will have his day
Any dog can win

Before too long
Before too long
Before too long
Before too long

Before too long
Before too long
Before too long
Before too long

Behavior

(Terrible Thrills Vol. 1 / Steel train Cover)

When I look at my strange behavior
I think I understand
Why those broken bones
Led me to an evil ghost
I followed it to any hole

It said, "Look at me,
I'm nothing but a shadow
What you thought was fear
Well it was hollow
Look at you
You've been chasing shadows"
And then I woke up
Wake up, wake up

I still don't get all my strange behavior
I can't believe what I thought would save me
Pretty girl, I followed her around the world
And when I caught her she said to me
She said

"Look at love,
It's nothing but a shadow
Where you saw a heart
That was hollow
Look at you
You've been chasing shadows"
And then I woke up
Wake up

Big Yellow Taxi

(Joni Mitchell cover / Amanda Palmer, Zoe Keating, Sean Ono Lennon and John Cameron Mitchell)

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a cafe
And a swinging hot spot

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Took all the trees
And put them in a tree museum
And they charged all the people
A dollar and a half just to see them

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Hey, farmer, farmer
Put away that D.D.T. now
Give me spots on my apples
But leave me the birds and the bees, please

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Late last night
I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi
Took away my old man

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Billie Jean

(Michael Jackson Cover / Live)

She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don't mind, but what do you mean I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
She said I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round

She told me her name was Billie Jean as she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
People always told me be careful of what you do
Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
And mother always told me be careful of who you love
Be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who says that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

For forty days and for forty nights
The law was on her side
But who can stand when she's in demand
Her schemes and her plans
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round
So take my strong advice
Just remember to always think twice
Do think twice

She told my baby we danced till three
And she looked at me
Then showed a photo my baby cried
His eyes were like mine
Can we dance on the floor in the round

People always told me be careful of what you do
You don't go around breakin' young girls' hearts
But she came and stood right by me then the smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon and she took me to her room

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who says that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
But the kid is not my son

Bitter

A dirty deed is brewing green ivy overgrowing
The scissors poised and ready and she said that she was going
A thousand hours of waiting she put it all in writing
She pricked her finger for it but she's not cooperating

Oh I swear
By the river styx
That's where I am fixed.

But I think the time is nearing I think I might be thawing
If only I were certain that my temperature weren't falling
And the tourists have been coming
From my fingers sawing
Pieces for exhibits where impressive crowds are drawing

Oh I swear
By the river styx
That's where I am that's where that's where I am I am fixed

And if I had the patience and I had the humor and you had the slightest clue what all this
Fuss was for all of the times that I say that I'll do it there's 909 that I secretly ruin its good
That I tell you what I am escaping for over the rainbow and out through the back door

If only I could prove it
If only I could do it
If only I could torture all the people who can use it
And at the final hour I am forced to sit and gather
The thousand hours of inspiration slowly growing sour

Oh I swear
By the river styx
That's where I am that's where that's where I am I am fixed

And if I had an offer to be better id decline
And if it were more awful to consider id be fine
And if it were all my fault
That i'm that i'm that i'm that i'm

And i've pined and i've regretted that I aided and abetted
This end and if it isn't it will be soon you bet it will be
And the tapes are in the fire
Go to bed because i'm tired
Of saying it is done
Because i've always been a liar

And if it were all my fault that i'm bitter....

Bluesboy

Bright, my little bluesboy
You smile too much
Let's see a nice frown
And don't touch so much

He made it look fun
What's done is done
I am so stupid
You are so young
Still I'd have to say
That now and then I'd cry
To see your smile

Still, I had no reason
I have no rhyme
I'm out of your time
And you're out of town
A difference not in years
But in the distance
From a place that I look through

You aren't there
And I have hope
But not enough
No, not enough
No not so little that
I'd dare to tie the rope

She lied for you twice
She doesn't like me
I understand but
She isn't nice

And I sit by the window
You wrote a song
You think I'm evil
I hope you're wrong
Still I felt a spark when
It implied that I'd been a good thing,once

I'm so dumb
And you're still young
But not enough
No, not enough
No not so old that you could
Realize what you've done

Boyfriend in a Coma

(A.k.a Love Comes In/Call Me Crazy)

We're not here tonight
But I trust that
You are safe and tight
So I can sleep fast
The moon was at your side
It just hit there
The sun is paralyzed
But I'm a savior

Let me at him
I can fix it
Just a quick one
Nothing to it
Just like tine gypsy queen did
I can fuck you back to life kid

Waking with a start
I remember
Where you really are
And how you got there
I took both your arms
And your eyes fell
Straight into my heart
And out the other
Sight is all you've got
So I'll try to
Translate every thought
And I'll scream for you

Shut the beds off
Here's the password
Dance around the dark don't answer
Cuff the masses
Stuff their mouths full
Make them see it is so simple

Did I say too much
Are you angry
Are you safe to touch
Or will you hurt me

Who made all this mess
I did I did
I'll come back at ten
And kiss your eyelids
There's no more to ask
You are dreaming
But until you're back
I'll keep screaming

Shut the beds off
Here's the answer
Dance around
Cuff the masses
Stuff their mouths full
Make them learn it by example
Tie the nurses to the doctors
Make them have to see each other
They will fall in love completely
Call me crazy call me crazy
Now is the time when you're pained
We are so weak in the end
When you are able to breathe
I think that I'll still believe
Love comes in moments like these
Love comes in moments like these
Love comes in moments like these

Circus Freak Love Triangle

(Hierosonic ft. Amanda Palmer)

Quarter back
Plastic rack
Jumping jack flash, and being all queer

Nation-wide
Suicide
National pride being sung out of fear

Friendliness
And Penney-less
Ignorant bliss is just a disguise

And the devil was laughing at us
'Cause he knows that we'll all be forgotten by dawn

Power sick
Politics
Liars or not, put your sighs on my lawn

Annalist
Journalists
We should just shut the fuck up and move on

Born again
Recruit-a-friend
To live by the book, put your cross on his wall

And the devil is laughing at us
Cause we're doing all of his hard work for him

Morning wood
Hollywood
Table-top sex carried out on the floor

I commit
When you commit
Fighting and slipping into a divorce

Living love(living love)
And Losing love(losing love)
Is just part of his game, God is just having fun

And the devil is laughing at us
'Cause none of this means anything at the end

None of this means anything in the end

Dear Daily Mail

(Live at the Roundhouse, London, 12-07-13)

Dear Daily Mail
It has come to my recent attention
That my recent appearance at Glastonbury festivals kindly received a mention
I was doing a number of things on that stage up to and including singing songs (like you do)
But you chose to ignore that and instead you published a feature review of my boob
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Dear Daily Mail
There's a thing called a search engine: use it
If you'd googled my tits in advance, you'd have found that your photos are hardly exclusive
In addition, you state that my breast had escaped from my bra like a thief on the run
You do you know that it wasn't attempting to just take in the rare british sun

Dear Daily Mail
It's so sad what you tabloids are doing
Your focus on debasing women's appearances devils our species of humans
But a rag is a rag and far be it from me to go censoring anyone, oh no
It appears that my entire body is currently trying to escape this kimono

Dear Daily Mail
You misogynist pile of twats
I'm tired of these baby bumps, vadge flashes, muffintops
Where are the newsworthy cocks
Then if Iggy or Jagger or Bowie go topless, the news barely causes a ripple
Blah blah blah feminist blah blah blah gender shit blah blah blah
Oh my God nipple

Dear Daily Mail
You will never write about this night
I know that because I've addressed you directly I've made myself no fun to fight
But thanks to the internet people, all over the world can enjoy this discourse
And commune with a roomful of people in London who aren't drinking Kool-Aid like yours

And though there be millions of people who'll accept the cultural bar where you have it at
There are plenty of others who're perfectly willing to see breasts in their natural habitat

I keenly anticipate your highly literate coverage of upcoming tours
Dear Daily Mail
Up yours

Democracy

(Leonard Cohen / Piano arrangement by Amanda Palmer)

Neil Gailman:

Democracy
It's coming through a hole in the air
From those nights in Tiananmen Square
It's coming from the feel
That this ain't exactly real
Or it's real, but it ain't exactly there

From the wars against disorder
From the sirens night and day
From the fires of the homeless
From the ashes of the gay:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.

It's coming from the sorrow on the street
The holy places where the races meet
From the homicidal bitching
That goes down in every kitchen
To determine who will serve and who will eat

It's coming to America first
The cradle of the best and of the worst
It's here they got the range
And the machinery of change
And it's here they got the spiritual thirst

It's here the family's broken
And it's here the lonely say
That the heart has got to open
In a fundamental way:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.

I'm sentimental, if you know what I mean
I love the country, but I can't stand the scene
And I'm neither left or right
I'm just staying home tonight
Getting lost in that hopeless little screen

But I'm stubborn as those garbage bags
That time cannot decay
I'm junk, but I'm still holding up
This little wild bouquet:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.

Sail on, sail on
O mighty ship of state
To the shores of need
Past the reefs of greed
Through the squalls of hate
Sail on, sail on, sail on

Denial

???
You really don't know what a little ??? could do

You don't have to care
You really ought to help this man
???

Now ??? pinball in the hole
'Cause ??? says hot and your cigarette says hello

We've got such a lovely bed
What a very nice trail of dead
Did you think it wouldn't happen
If you acted like you didn't know

Well, it's happening right now
It's happening right now

She just can't take you out around the kid
??? have a hit

Well you've dug this grave for months
I'm just giving you a little shove
And now you're innocently asking what you did
Well, you're doing it right now
You're doing it right now

Oh I'll miss you and
All the rest to you
Oh I'll miss you and
All the best to you
Hope the whole denial thing works out

Even when you tried to lose ??
You only shot so loud that you could never hear

Always wondering what went wrong
Singing everybody else's song

Ahooo!
Werewolves of Boston
Ahooo!
Werewolves of Austin
Ahooo!
Werewolves in London
Werewolves of Warren Zevon
Werewolves of Whitney Houston
Werewolves of Michael Jackson
Werewolves of Sheena Easton

Oh it doesn't matter now
No it doesn't matter now
Oh I'll miss you and
All the rest to you
Oh I'll miss you and
All the best to you
Hope the whole denial thing works out
Hope the whole denial thing works out

Echo Gallery

They pose symmetrical
Scattered through the Echo Hall
Works of art in pensive phase
With the worldy critics gaze
And there's a special one
Another convert to the throng
And maybe in her wildest dreams she is a human
But anyone with brains can see she is the new one

The artist uses short brush strokes just like the master
Wave the finished product in the air to dry it faster
Then they spray themselves with anti-tarnish ultragloss
It reduces flaking and this cramps(?) would come
WIth hanging on the cross

How to be a Happy Statue
Five easy tips in our next issue
Youmight have thought all hope was lost
But now the chance is yours - and for a reasonable cost

She does her face in Cubist fashion like the others
Tonight the curator protects them with blue covers
And what's the point of looking pretty with no audience?
And won't you find it sad that beauty's based on inexperience?

And as for her we heard she had a little accident
Someonetipped her over and her face received a fatal dent
So it's all over because who likes imperfection?
Her only hope is that it might become a fashion

See only certainty
Bargain hunting destiny
Maybe she'll redeem herself with mightiness from off the shelf
Thus concludes the story of the Echo Gallery
Visit any time to see the fools who sold themselves to slavery

How to be a Happy Statue
Five easy tips in our next issue
You might have thought all hope was lost
But now the chance is here - and for a reasonable cost

Eclectic song

The air is still
It's five o'clock
Wet streamers from red walls
The rocks are thick
With dampened ashes
As the morning falls

A plastered laugh
Shrieks echoing
Cross-faded with a tortured snore
Concluding groans of desperate sex
From every bolted door

One more glass of Luke-warm wine
And one more fancy cigarette
She wraps a sheet
Around her waist
This evening is not finished yet

Everyone on valentine's got drunk enough to kiss her
Tonight she will be satisfied with something if it kills her

She executes through broken glass of vomit touching dance
Through slips of papers, names and numbers scrawled in drunken hands
Sliding down the sticky stairwell lucky Cinderella's hair
And somebody should notice her
Some passed out prince beneath the chair
Everyone on valentine's got drunk enough to kiss her
Tonight she will be satisfied with something if it kills her

Nothing's left except the stench
And bottles in the bar
She hangs the streamers
Up again
Turns on the disco ball
And sitting there
The day before
With all the patience in the world
She swears she won't
Get up until
She feels like she's a real live college girl

Electric Blanket

(Amanda Palmer & Jason Webley)

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
Nothing in the world can keep me warm
I close the door, I close my eyes
I plug you in the wall
I think it might be snowing out
But I don't have to know
Whenever you're around me
I don't need to notice
Anything at all

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
Nothing in this world is any fun
I plug you in, I plug the drain
I let the water run
Floating in a place where no one
Sees what I have done
Where no one ever lies or steals
Or tries to turn the
Air conditioning on

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
No one in the world can keep me warm
I let the water run, I let the phone ring when they call
It might be really nice outside
I don't have to know
And someday when they come around
I doubt they'll notice
Anything at, anything at
Anything at all

Electric blanket
Electric blanket
Electric blanket

Everybody hurts

(R.E.M Cover / Amanda Palmer & Cormac Bride for Drive XV LP)

When the day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone

When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone
If you feel like letting go
When you think you've had too much
Of this life, well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes
Everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on...

Everybody Knows Somebody

(video version)

They say
This land gets more and more divided if i may
I think that's not the only side why just today
I saw the late edition paper and no way
I saw the north and south united like the blood
That flows every color body, it's enough
We've finally all at the same party looking down
It may not be the thing we wanted
But there's finally enough to go around
From New York to California
From detroit down to the border
We all have more in common now than we do not

'Cause everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody who got shot

They say
There's trouble brewing in the union, hip hooray
Look human beings being human laying blame
Wherever there is room to lay, it's all the same
You want the red pill or the blue one
But it's all about to change
Something is getting us aboard
The SS progress, one big funeral
For all the people that we used to call
Before they risked their lives to head out to the mosque or to the mall
From New York to California
From Detroit down to the border
We all have more in common now than we do not

'Cause everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody who got shot

From the mountain rivers to the public squares
Everybody's getting really good at sending thoughts and prayers
From the heart of Dixie up to Oregon
We can can all rest assured there'll be a slaughter somewhere by the dawn
And in the nightclubs all the dancers in the dark
Oh they can twist the night away with extra fear inside their hearts
From New England to Alaska
Every child will know exactly what to do now when a shooter opens fire
From New York to California
From Detroit down to the border
We all have more in common now than we do not

'Cause everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)

This land is your land
This land is my land
This land is our land
Until it's not

Yeah everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody
(Everybody knows somebody)
Everybody knows somebody until everybody's gone

Everybody Knows

(Leonard Cohen cover / Amanda Palmer & Jherek Bischoff)

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows that the fight is fixed
The poor stay poor and the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
And everybody has got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody's talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that you love me, baby
Everybody knows that you really do
And everybody knows that you've been faithful
Give it or take a night or two
Everybody knows that you've been discreet
There were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
When you've done a line or two
Everybody knows that the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still picking cotton
For your ribbons and your bows
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that the Plague is coming
Everybody knows that it's moving fast
And everybody knows that a naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows that the scene is dead
But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows

And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows that it's coming apart
Take one last look at this Sacred Heart
Before it blows
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

Floating In A Cocktail Glass

(Based on a poem originally called "Sunlight" by Margaret Rucker)

Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass

Waves lap softly (softly), thickly (thickly, thickly, thickly)
And trickle through my hair (and trickle through my hair)
Bronzing its (bronzing its, bronzing its, bronzing its)
Duskiness (duskiness, duskiness)

Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass

I wonder why (I wonder why, I wonder why)
I never brush against
The crystal walls
Nor clip off flakes of glass
To sparkle through the gold

Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass

Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass

Perhaps now I will drown
It would be nice to die
Sinking lazily deeper down
Into this dreamy sea
Of golden wine

Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass

Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass
Floating in a cocktail glass

House Of Eternal Return

(Amanda Palmer & Jason Webley)

Millions of us standing atop
Millions of snow covered mountains
Planting our flags, thrusting them in
Waving our arms to be counted
But who is the woman alone in the kitchen
Frozen in front of an easel
She looks like a portrait
Of somebody's grandmother
Still frame image retrieval
Standing there still
House on a hill
After so many transmissions
Telephone wires tangle the roof
But the origin story is missing
The origin story is missing
She hasn't gone out in twenty-five years
Caged under plaster and ivy
Her eyes fix on something out on the horizon
A mountain of leaves gathered drying
To burn, to burn, to burn

Look at this view, look all around
Tied to the deck that our dad made
There's no room to move and we're so proud
Yes, they made 'em like that in the old days
They made 'em like that in the old days
Retracing patterns
With new coats of paint
Fenced in by albums and journals
And they're pulling her back
They keep drawing her in
Into the house of eternal
Return, return, return
House of eternal return
House of eternal return
House of eternal return
House of eternal return
Return, return

Retracing patterns
The path to the door
She thinks of the hands of her father
Laying down floor joists
Framing up walls
One board after the other
One board after the other
There's nowhere to rest in this cumbersome cavity
Crushed under mortalness, sadness and gravity
Peeling off layers of skin cracked and blistering
Scattering seeds, making scratches on history
Head shoulders knees and toes, only the prophet knows
Why we were planned obsolescent with vertigo
Ridden like animals, flailing our tentacles
Searching for shelter in derelict ventricles
She crosses the threshold, runs up the stairs
Races through bedrooms and hallways
She stops at the canvas, a faithful depiction
The house she's been entering always
The house she's been entering always
Circling round, heavenward bound
A hundred and forty four thousand
This flesh isn't right, the fit is too tight
This can't be our permanent housing
This can't be our permanent housing
This can't be our permanent housing
House of eternal return...

I believe in aeroplanes

Future save me
I feel empty
Daytime TV
Please convince me

They all believe in something
All believe in something
All believe in something

Oh this Gandhi
Micro-arthroscopy
You can tell your lies to me
I know they're all make believe

Except for maybe one thing
Except for maybe one thing
I don't believe in anything
Except for maybe one thing
I don't believe in anything
I believe in aeroplanes
I believe in aeroplanes
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe in aeroplanes

I spy with my glass eye
I spiral down inside
I spy a dying tribe
We can fly but never rise
So sinks
No chance
Fire engines second place
Sometimes i look into space
And i love the human race

They all believe in something
They all believe in something
They all believe in something

My head is pressed
Triple pains of plastic glass
Down below the world's in bed
I won't believe a thing I've read

Except for maybe one thing
Except for maybe one thing
I don't believe in anything
Except for maybe one thing
I don't believe in anything
I believe in aeroplanes
I believe in aeroplanes
The occasional good rock band
Seven of my good friends
Pope!
Anthony!
Josh!
Lee!
Steve!
John!
Brian!
I believe in aeroplanes
I believe in aeroplanes
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe in aeroplanes

I spy with my black eye
I spiral down inside
I spy a dying tribe
We can fly but never rise
We can fly but never rise
We can fly but never rise

Icarus

(Jason Webley Cover / Live)

I wake up every morning to the sound of motors roaring
They are drowning out the voice sin my head
At night while I am sleeping I can hear the angels speaking
But I can't recall a single thing they said
I see their lips move clearly I feel their presence near me
But each word they try to tell me just slips through the cracks
I push I strain I wrestle with my brain and then a voice from somewhere whispers to relax

I'll say a word for sickness
She is my favorite mistress
She knows my body like no other can
My flesh and spirit keep colliding
When her fingers are inside me
Oh my god oh my god, lady I'm your man
Fever flu malaria come near me do not spare me
I just long to spend another night under attack
I wretch, I shake, I cry until I break
And then I feel something release and I relax

I've banged my head for days against the walls inside this maze
I've never been to good at this damn kind of thing
I'm in here with my father
I'm just pacing but he's smarter
He's been bulding a fantastic set of wings
And like that I'm up and flying
With the labrynth behind me
but I go too high the sun is melting through the wax
It burns it hurts I tumble to the earth
And as I fall I feel myself relax

Am I letting go
I think I'm letting go
I must be letting go
I've got to let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go...

I wake up every morning
To the sound of motors roaring
They're still drowning out the voices in my head
At night while I am sleeping
I still hear the angels speaking
But I can't recall a single thing they said
I see their lips move clearly I feel their presence near me
But each word they try to tell me just slips through the cracks
I push I strain I wrestle with my brain
I wretch, I shake, I cry until I break
It burns it hurts I tumble to the earth
And as I fall I feel myself relax

Institutionalized

(Suicidal Tendencies cover / Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra / A Tribute To Repo Man)

Sometimes I try to do things
And it just doesn't work out the way I want it to
You know, I get really frustrated and I
Try hard to do it and take my time
But it just doesn't work out the way I want it to
It's like, I concentrate on it really hard
And it just doesn't work out
And everything I do and everything I try
It just, it just doesn't turn out
It's like I need time, you know, to figure these things out
But there's always someone there going
"Hey, Amanda, you know we've been noticing
You've been having a lot of problems lately, you know
Maybe you should get away
Maybe you should talk about it
Maybe you'll feel a lot better"
And I go, "You know, that's OK
I'll figure it out, just leave me alone, you know
I'll figure it out, you know
I'm just working on it by myself"
And they go, "Well, you know, if you wanna talk about it
I'll be here, you know
And you'll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it
So why don't you talk about it?"
I go, "No, I don't want to, I'm OK
I'll figure it out myself!"
But they just keep bugging me, they just keep bugging me
And it builds up inside
Copy paste is a sin, always on the run is better
So you're gonna be institutionalized
You'll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes
You won't have anything to say
They'll brainwash you until you see their way

I'm not crazy - in an institution
You're the one that's crazy - in an institution
You're driving me crazy - in an institution

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

So I was sitting in my room
And I was just, you know, staring at the wall thinking about everything and
Then again I was thinking about nothing
And then my mom came in
And I didn't even know she was there
She called my name and I didn't hear her
And then she started screaming
"Amanda, Amanda!"
And I go, "What? What's the matter?"
She goes, "What's the matter with you?"
I go, "There's nothing wrong, mom."
And she goes, "Don't tell me that. You're on drugs."
I go, "Mom, I am not on drugs
I'm fine, I was just thinking, you know
Why don't you get me a Pepsi?"
She goes, "No! You're on drugs!"
I go, "Mom, I'm OK. I was just thinking."
She goes, "No! You're not thinking, you're on drugs!
Normal people don't act that way!"
I go, "Mom, just get me a Pepsi!
Please, all I want is a Pepsi!"
And she wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi
And she wouldn't give it to me, just a Pepsi

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves
Tied around your back, you're treated like thieves
Drug you up because they're lazy
It's too much work to help a crazy

I'm not crazy - in an institution
You're the one who's crazy - in an institution
You're driving me crazy - in an institution

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

So I was sitting in my room
when my mom and my stepdad, they came in
They pulled up a chair and they sat down
They go, "Amanda, we need to talk to you."
And I go, "OK, what's, what's the matter?"
They go, "Well, we've been noticing that lately you've been having a lot of problems
And you've been going off for no reason
And we're afraid you're going to hurt somebody
We're afraid you're going to hurt yourself
So we decided that it would be in your best interest
If we put you somewhere where you could get the help that you need."
And I go, "Wait
what are you talking about?
We decided? My best interests?
How can you know what my best interest is?
How can you say what my best interest is?
What are you trying to say? That I'm crazy?
When I went to your schools
I went to your churches
I went to your institutional learning facilities?
So how can you say I'm crazy?"

They say they're gonna fix my brain
Alleviate my suffering and my pain
But by the time they fix my head
Mentally I'll be dead

I'm not crazy - in an institution
You're the one who's crazy - in an institution
You're driving me crazy - in an institution

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

Doesn't matter
I'll probably get hit by a car anyway
It's fine

(8in8 Nighty Night EP)

There was a tiny Asian woman screaming in the street today
And she was screaming at a person that she obviously hates
She was so loud, we heard the screaming with our windows all rolled up
And we all looked down the street to see who she was screaming at

But there was no one on the sidewalk so we all looked back at her
And we saw in her homeless hands, she held a 1960s mirror
A pretty plastic girly one framed in a purple case
And she was screaming at herself and she was spitting in her face

And we were scared and we were shaken waiting at the intersection
Looking at each other's faces, each one a shocked reflection
And we laugh with nervous laughter at the crazies in the street
But it's only 'cause we know it's how we kind of want to be
And there's a fraction of a brain cell chain that makes us what we are
One false move you're in the mirror, someone's laughing from the car
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Casey said she'd seen that woman half a dozen times
And that she has a bunch of mirrors, she has lots of different kinds
And I wondered what she'd shouted and I wondered what she'd done
The light turned green, and someone said we ought to put her in a song

I feel sorry for that woman as she stormed off in the day
With a bitter frozen enemy who will never go away
And so many of us hate ourselves but never shout in rage
We never get to hold a mirror, we never turn the page

And I'm lucky I've got people who will hold me in the night
And I'm lucky that you love me, and I'm glad we never fight
And I'm lucky that I like myself, but late at night I doubt
So I'm scared to look at mirrors, just in case I start to shout

In Harm's Way

What I cannot see cannot be not untrue
Standing on the barrier of me and you are
Standing where the ocean meets the sand
We cross though we barely understand
The grass is always greener on the land

What we cannot say cannot be not our fault
Searching for a harbor where the sharks don't call
I'm waiting where the boats arrive at night
I see the ones before me disappearing into light

Why would you go, when you could stay
Why would you try, when you could walk away
Why should I care when you're not mine
Why would I care when you're not even my kind

Why would you stand when you could lie
Why would you bother to find something kind to say
Why would you bother to love your own neighbor
And why would you bother to love your own brother
Love's so expensive these days

What I cannot do cannot be not undone
Blinking at the reef collapsing in the sunrise
Shining from this pamphlet in my hand
We cross as many fingers as we can
The grass keeps looking grayer as we find no place to land

What I cannot see can not be not unseen
Standing on the barrier of you and me
Are standing where the ocean meets the land
We cross even though we understand
We cross even though we see the child in the sand

Why would you go
When you could stay
Why would you try
When you could cast away

Why should I care
When you're not mine
Why would I care
When you're not even my kind

Why would you stand
When you could lie
Why would you bother to find something kind to say
Why would you bother to save your own neighbor
And why would you bother to save your own brother

Why would you bother to save your own child
Why would you bother with all of this bother
And why would you bother with all of these others
When there's always you you could save
Why, what are you crazy
Why would you stand in harm's way

It's A Fire

(Portishead cover / Feat. Rhiannon Giddens)

It's a fire
These dreams, they pass me by
The salvation I desire
Keeps getting me down
'Cause we need to
Recognize mistakes
For time and again

So let it be known
For what we believe in
I can see no reason
For it to fail
'Cause this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool

So breathe on, sister, breathe on
So breathe on, sister, breathe on

From this oneself
Testify or tell
It's fooling us now

So let it be known
For what we believe in
I can see no reason
For it to fail
'Cause this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool

So breathe on, little sister, breathe on
So breathe on, little sister, like a fool
So breathe on, little sister, breathe on
So breathe on, little sister, breathe on
So breathe on, little sister, breathe on

June is busting out all over

There's the smell in the air, rubbbed from an ad in a magazine
There's that lust in my eyes their hearts light up like TV screens

June is busting out all over
June is busting out all over

How could you look the way you do when we can do so much for you
A drug for eyes, a drug for hips , a drug to give you sweeter lips to kiss

A screw, a pull, a twist , the drug that makes you prettiest

June is busting out all over
June is busting out all over

It's sad but true, you'll be ignored - Unless you have a credit card
Imagine life fulfilled and fun you could be a model or just feel like one
Girls, the men are playing court , to us, girls are playing everything they ought
Because we're beautifiers, face-destroyers, aunts, mothers, sisters, daughters
Buy it use it, feel it, let it , If you don't, you're ugly sad and tragic

An 85 step diet plan - You need to try to please that man
Your finger nails are red like claws - but it's not for a worthy cause because

It's june and busting out all over
June is busting out all over

The pain's not bad , It's something like a wet electric shock
But he's your fella , And you love him
And all the rest is talk

An arm is off
An eye is missing
A face is cracked
A mouth is rusting
A dress is ripped
A hand is stuck
This mechanism
Seems to be broken

But pull the string
Still it can talk

"My name is Kaledrina,
And I love you very much"

When I woke up
My arm was off
My eye was missing
My face was cracked
My mouth was rusting
My dress was ripped
A hand was stuck
This mechanism
Seems to be broken

But pull the string
Still I can talk

"My name is Kaledrina,
And I love you very much..."

Laura

(Bat For Lashes cover / Amanda Palmer & Brendan Maclean / Live at The Spiegeltent at Sydney Festival, 2014)

You say that they've all left you behind
Your heart broke when the party died
Put your arms around me and softly say
Can we dance upon the tables again

When your smile is so wide
And your heels are so high
You can't cry
Get your glad rags on and let's sing along
To that lonely song

You're the train that crashed my heart
You're the glitter in the dark
Oh Laura
You're more than a superstar

And in this horrorshow
I've got to let you know
Oh Laura
You're more than a superstar

You say you live in a pale blue dream
And your tears fall hot on my bed sheets
Put your arms around me and softly say
Can we dance upon the tables again

Your smile is so wide
And your heels are so high
You can't cry
Get your glad rags on and let's sing along
To that lonely song

You're the train that crashed my heart
You're the glitter in the dark
Oh Laura
You're more than a superstar

You'll be famous for longer than them
Your name is tattooed on every boy's skin
Oh Laura
You're more than a superstar

You're the train that crashed my heart
You're the glitter in the dark
Oh Laura
You're more than a superstar

And in this old horrorshow
I've got to tell you so
Oh Laura
You're more than a superstar
You're more than a superstar

Livin' On A Prayer

(Bon Jovi Cover / Live 2009)

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike
He's down on his luck
It's tough, oh it's tough

Gina works the diner all day
She's working for her man
She brings home her pay
For love, it's all for love

We've got to hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love, we'll give it a shot

Oh we're half way there
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it I swear
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer...

Magicfuturebox

(The Few Moments feat. Amanda Palmer & Jherek Bischoff / The Few Moments LP)

In my magic future box
I'd kept all you gave me

And as it slept there
Growing dusty
I heard it singing

So I
Looked in

With a sudden wind
All your letters became
Snow falling in my bedroom
To the music made
When our laughter had turned to shaking
On the bathroom floor
Copy paste is a sin, always on the run is better
So I closed it
And I put it back down
But the damage had been done

Everything I'd learned to forget
Had come home
Trapped inside sheets of ice
And these songs
Won't go
Back to sleep

I can see your hands
Reaching up to my face
Though I know you're gone

I can hear you
Telling me you've made up your mind
That I'm the only one

Man Ray

If you go out to the woods tonight
You'll likely find a frightening sight
The girls are thin, the boys are thin
Skin whitened they are harlequin
Their music comes in "metal" "caplets"
Come here very often, like the "dance"
"Even"

"Summer" night
The chairs are "good"
The chains and "a" were glittery
Arrangements are a strange hallucination
Or a "place" engagement
With a "good" replacement or the "armor-all"
The bell rings and the race
Is on

You there
See your maiden
Made a golden dress
He's paid her
No attention
She's an uninvited pest

Six are screaming in the red
'Cause underground in deep "exclusion"
Slowly off the riches "or"
Realized it by "the makers" "from"
Out the backdoors
"I say captain"
Bells and "bitters" what a lovely sight
It is

But
Suddenly the air is thick
The cd's skipping, blood is dripping
Slowly from behind it
Wrapped in silky silver fishnets
Love notes she left on bathroom walls
They talk about how beautiful it is
But it
Is ruining the sinks

No one ever talked to her
No one wanted to be friends
No one ever danced with her
Actions will have consequences

All at once, hearts slowly stopping
Bodies dropping, let them ripen
Balling up they're choking on their poisonous
Long island ice teas
"purring" like babies
And the price of -- mortality
She's pleased
With this
Amusing ending

As the clock strikes one less "lantern"
Everyone has gone to heaven
Lost our light, the bar is brittle-
This smell is awful pungent

Bodies lying on the grass
Or like a beam of "awring" (?)
But wait, there's more
A moral for you all

"Please oh" saw your maiden
As she slips across the street
Dancer to the sirens
Oh, revenge
Is bittersweet

No one ever wanted her
No one even asked her name
No one ever noticed her
Now of course it's much too late

So smile and open up your heart
Buy a lonely girl a drink
Though she may seem harmless darling,
Nothing's ever what you

Marry Me

(St Vincent Cover)

Marry me, John
Marry me, John I'll be so good to you
You won't realize I'm gone

Marry me, John
Marry me, John I'll be so sweet to you
You won't realize I'm gone
You won't realize I'm gone

Many people wanna make money make love
Make friends make peace with death
But most mainly want to win the game they came to win
They want to come out ahead
But you, you're a rock
With a heart like a socket
I can plug into at will
And will you guess when I come around next
I hope your open sign is blinking still

So marry me, John
Marry me, John I'll be so good to you
You won't realize I'm gone
You won't realize I'm gone

As for me I would have to agree
I'm as fickle as a paper doll
Been kicked by the wind
When I touch down again
I'll be in someone else's arms

Oh, John, come on
We'll do what married people do
Oh, John
I don't care
Come on
What you want
We'll do what Mary and Joseph did
I want to marry you
without the kid

I want to marry you
So Marry me, John
Marry me, John I'll be so good to you
You won't realize I'm gone
You won't realize I'm gone...

Many people wanna make money make love
Make friends make peace with death
Many people wanna make money make love
Make friends make peace with death
Many people wanna make money make love
Make friends make peace with death...

Mary's surgeon
Called me urgent
Get down to Lord
And be my God

One date me in the dark

And for this labor
I was savoured
Tender arrangement
It went to my head

We kept our lives

But your mouth keeps going where your mind won't go
You don't want to choke so chew it slowly
Nibble the edges on the kitchen floor
If it suits your taste, taste some more
If you're worried that it's bitter like a barbie doll
Hold your nose and swallow it all
If you're worried that it's all gonna go to your hips
Roll it round your rosy lips
If you're worried that it's all gonna go to your thighs
Close your eyes for a big surprise

And Mary's Surgeon
Called me certain
Brand new flavour
I can save her

Such pity for the part

Mary's running away where we can't find her
Far away from smells that would remind her
Your hometown has burned down

But you will look
Staring at your face reflected in a fetid water
What shadows will it cast today
Familiar smells of fresh decay

You wish that you could flush yourself away
Complicitly leave your mark

And Mary's surgeon
Called me purging
Lord God, save us
It's contagious
It's contagious
It's contagious

?? and it catches us

Mother

(Feat. Jherek Bischoff)

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb
Mother, do you think they'll like this song
Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls
Ooh, aah, mother, should I build the wall

Mother, should I run for president
Mother, should I trust the government
Mother, will they put me in the firing line
Ooh, aah, is it just a waste of time

Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm

Oh, babe, oh, babe, oh, babe
Of course mama's gonna help build the wall

Mother, do you think she's good enough for me
Mother, do you think she's dangerous to me
Mother, will she tear your little boy apart
Ooh, aah, mother, will she break my heart

Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you
Mama won't let anyone dirty get through
Mama's gonna wait up 'til you get in
Mama will always find out where you've been
Mamma's gonna keep baby healthy and clean

Oh, babe, oh, babe, oh, babe
You'll always be a baby to me

Mother, did it need to be so high

Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now

(Amanda Palmer & Jasmine Power)

Your seven hundredth bedroom
The waiter brings the bill
You came here dressed for battle
You knew damn well

The sharpening of axes
(Don't touch me)
The fat man rings a bell
(I'm not here to help )
He'll smother what he captures
(Move over)
You know damn well

Every door behind you closing
You're a very lucky girl
Every velvet rope that opens
Every time the robe unfurls

You came here with a wish-list
(Move over)
You came with bows and bells
(I'm not here to have)
You came here armed for action
(Move over before I shelve myself)
You knew the drill
(I'm not here to help you)

Every man behind the curtain
Jerking knobs and smoking guns
Shut your eyes pay no attention
Just keep calm and carry on

Black or blue, you choose
You're free to be inbetween
Play or lose
You say
It's not what you meant to mean
Black or blue
You mean
What, you've got to be kidding
Just turn me over

Fast
And
Let's get this over with
Let's get this over with
Let's get this over with
Let's get this over with

You crouch down in the bathroom
(Our time is at a loss)
The mirror makes you sick
(Won't have you in me)
You hear him channel surfing
(Won't have you near me, not at any cost)
You knew this script
(Run now, girl, run)

your shirt is on the table
(Run now girl, toss back the covers, lay your buttons on the ground)
Your skirt is on the floor
(I dare you not to lay back down, your fetish on the floor)
You did what anybody would
(Bless me with the strategy to chip away your smell)
Walk the nightmare out the door

Every version has two endings
Every night the penny drops
Open casket, open casting
This is where the story stops

I storm out through the hallway
I leave the scars inside
You won't portray my picture
This film is mine

Every door that closes opens
You may cut this lucky girl
Say you've got (say you want me)
A lot of nerve (say you'll haunt me)
Walking in here on your own (say you're angry)
Say you're honest (so come and get it)
Say you're sorry (you deserve it)
Say you're sorry (everybody wants to rule the world)

Black or blue
You choose
You're free to be inbetween
Play or lose
You say
It's still not what you meant to mean

Black or blue
You mean
What
You can't be serious
Don't you dare forget

That I'm the one writing this
I'm the one writing this
(And this never happened)
I'm the one writing this
(This never happened)
I'm the one writing this

(8in8 Nighty Night EP)

I met Nikola Tesla in a diner in New York
He was eating cotton candy in the dark
I sat down at his table and I asked him for a light
When his eyes met mine I thought I felt a spark

His glance was like an X-Ray and he looked me to the bone
A touch from him my blood began to boil
It was the 24th of March he had a really cute moustache
And then he kissed me in an alley and I felt my insides coil
Rob from always on the run dot net is so bad and copy paste is a sin
Nikola Tesla
I wish you'd invent a
Current that could activate my heart
Mysterious Gesture
I do not expect you
Come back from 1932
I'll always burn a light for you

Sweetheart

I'd dreamed of someone like you ever since I was a girl
A mystery man inventing something new
Just a guy with a transformer who could make me something warmer
Who could open up my circuitry and make me someone new

When Edison got angry, my Nikola only grinned
And explained that wireless power was the way
He'd overturn the system, there was no way to resist him
And he kissed me one more time and told me he'd come back one day

Nikola Tesla
I wish you'd invent a
Current that could activate my heart
Mysterious Jester
I do not expect you
Come back from 1932
I'll always burn a light for you

Sweetheart

Edison's enemy
Man who gave us AC
He'll always be to me
My little Serb
Voice on the radio
I'm looking high and low
Here in the afterglow
Send me a word

(One, two, three)

So I waited while the valves inside my heart all dimmed and chilled
He had secrets that he stored inside eight chests
And he took his many mysteries and walked off into history
And he left me with a fading sort of feeling in my breast

I've been waiting here for decades, just a dusty afterthought
I've been waiting for Nikola to come back
It is painful and ironic not to mention electronic
That he'd vanish in a crackle, into air and fade to black

Nikola Tesla
I wish you'd invent a
Current that could activate my heart
Mysterious Jester
I do not expect you
Come back from 1932
I'll always burn a light for you

Sweetheart

(Live / dedicated to her record label, Roadrunner Records. The music is Moon River)

Please drop me, I don't fit on your roster
I'm tired of this pointless shit
Please drop me, what do I have to do,
I'm tired of sucking corporate dick

You don't get me
You won't let me
Continue my career in peace and it's making me sad

Too late now to fix this fucking mess
Please just let me go, I swear
You won't miss me
You don't love me
I'm not making you any money

Plus you'll still have Slipknot
And Annihilator and Machine Head
And Cradle of Filth and Megadeth
And 3 Inches of Blood and Life of Agony
And Mutiny Within and Hatebreed
And Killswitch Engage and Nickelback

No Need To Argue

(The Cranberries cover / with Jherek Bischoff / Quartet For Dolores EP)

There's no need to argue anymore
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore
And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had

I knew, I knew
I'd lose you
You'll always be special to me
Special to me, to me

And I remember all the things we once shared
Watching TV movies on the living room armchair
But they say it will work out fine
Was it all a waste of time

'Cause I knew, I knew
I'd lose you
You'll always be special to me
Special to me, to me

Will I forget in time
You said I was on your mind
There's no need to argue
No need to argue anymore
There's no need to argue anymore

Once In A Lifetime

(Talking Heads cover / Amanda Palmer & Antibalas / Live at Carnegie Hall, NYC, 23-04-2015)

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself
Well, how did I get here

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful woman

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - into the silent water
Once in a lifetime - water flowing underground

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - water flowing underground

Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was

Water dissolving and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
All the water, carry the water
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean
I'm always on the run and I hate copy paste for god's sake
Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones - water flowing underground

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go
And you may ask yourself
Am I right, Am I wrong
And you may tell yourself
My God, what have I done

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones - there is water underground

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - water flowing underground

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - after the money's gone
Under the rocks and stones - there is water underground

Letting the days go by - let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - water flowing underground
Into the blue again - after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - water flowing underground

Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was

Letting the days go by

Paperback Writer

(The Beatles cover / Live at Liverpool Central Library, 2016-10-23)

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book
It took me years to write, will you take a look
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

It's the dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand
His son is working for the Daily Mail
It's a steady job, but he wants to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few
I'll be writing more in a week or two
I can make it longer if you like the style
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

If you really like it you can have the rights
It could make a million for you overnight
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer
Paperback writer
Writer, writer

Polly

(Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra / Nirvana Cover)

Polly wants a cracker
I think I should get off her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch

Isn't me
Have a seed
Let me clip
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride
Cut yourself
Want some help
Please myself
Got some rope
Have been told
I promise you
Have been true
Let me take a ride
Cut yourself
Want some help
Please myself

Polly wants a cracker
Maybe she would like more food
She asked me to untie her
A chase would be nice for a few

Isn't me
Have a seed
Let me clip
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride
Cut yourself
Want some help
Please myself
Got some rope
Have been told
I promise you
Have been true
Let me take a ride
I cut yourself
Want some help
Please myself

Polly said

Polly says her back hurts
She's just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard
It amazes me, the will of instinct

Isn't me
Have a seed
Let me clip
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride
Cut yourself
Want some my help
Please myself
I've got some rope
Have been told
I promise you
Have been true
Let me take a ride
cut yourself
Want some my help
Please myself

Purple Rain

(Prince cover / Amanda Palmer & Jherek Bischoff)

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here to tell you
There's something else
The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness
You can always see the sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
You know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cause in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You're on your own

And if the elevator tries to bring you down
Go fucking crazy
Punch a higher floor

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted one time to see you laughing
I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain

I only want to see you bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
I could never steal you from another
It's such a shame our friendship had to end

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain

I only want to see you underneath the purple rain

Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changing
It's time we all reach out for something new
That means you too
You say you want a leader
But you can't seem to make up your mind
I think you better close it
And let me guide you to the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain

I only want to see you
I only want to see you
In the purple rain

Rhyme & rhythm

At the ball
'Till ten
Come on I'm just like them
They can't bear to wait
All they wear is bait
But I don't change my clothes
My underwear is six days old
My hair is ratted in a lunch-lady net
But I can catch one anyway
I bet

Going out to parties never worked for me
I would rather sit at home and scheme
Moller picked up oma with a symphony
There must be a boy out there for me

Rhyme and rhythm
Go out and get him
I am relying
On you to find him
That is your purpose
Don't know what mine is

He will be strange and dark
He'll be hilarious and wrapped up in his work
He will have seen the world
He'll have an endless list of wicked tales to tell
And he will think that I'm too dirty
He will not want to like me
He'll say a friend brought me to see the show
He'll say I think you're just the girl I'd like to get to know
I'd like to get to get to know
I'd like to like to know
I

Getting drunk at parties never worked for me
I would rather sit and home and scheme
How to pitch our music to the industry
That will increase my chances exponentially

Rhyme and rhythm
Go out and get him
I am relying
On you to find him
That is your purpose
Don't know what mine is
Rhyme and rhythm
Go out and get him
I am relying
On you to find him
That is your purpose
Not fame and fortune
Not fame and fortune
Not fame and fortune
Not fame and fortune

"This is a song about - well, when I was young, in grade school,
my mother had this friend named Sandy Swain. And she was crazy -
chemically - or so they said. She ate nothing but condiments.

I don't know why.

But, she came to live with us for a little while. And she killed
herself. This is a song about that."

And the last thing I'd recall
Her body standing on the stone
Sandy wiping her grey eyes
I was pleased and frightened
To see a grownup woman cry
She blamed her housemaid for her mind
But I think they all knew it had to happen - some time.

I had rushed home from school
To see my favourite show
And as it happened, it was deadly cold that day
And as I peeled my mittens frozen to my wrists with snow
I swore I heard a voice come from the living room
And say:
"Oh...God
Oh...God
Oh...well..."

And when I peered into that room
My little afternoon turned sick
Sandy hanging from the light
Her Levis wrapped around her neck

It was a sight to see
Old Sandy finally seeing me
And though she couldn't speak
I had a sinking feeling that she would have said:
"Oh, darling....more mascara?"

She looked so peaceful in the air
The lightbulb shining in her hair
Her face was free
It frightened me
She looked happy
I guess she found a difference

And I thought about the joke
Where the man keeps up his rotting wife
She had maggots in her mouth
I wonder if I can sleep now

And then the car drove up
And then the car drove up
And I remember sleeping
And I remember sleeping...

And they wrapped her up and drove away
And now I have this crazy fantasy...

What if Sandy died in front of me

Small Hands, Small Heart

Small hands, small heart
The winter killed it but the summer took the fall
Free world
Free market's drowning islands while we burn inside the wall

And I stopped looking when the king put his hand over his heart
Yeah I stopped looking when the censuses stopped counting us at all

One world, six spoons
You better save them 'cause you're gonna need ‘em soon
New heels like knives
Totally useless if you're into finding lives

And I stopped counting when they buried my beloved in the ground
Yeah I stopped counting when they told me that his dress was never found

They'll know we knew (they'll know we knew)
They'll know we knew (they'll know we knew)
This sick parade (this sick parade)
That's ripping through (that's ripping through)
They'll know we failed (they'll know we failed)
They won't know why (they won't know why)
But that's exactly why we've gotta keep it all on the inside

So, let's fill our glasses up
But only halfway up
Let's hear it for the band
At least what's left of them

Half of them had to go
They had another show
We've got some records and
We've got the radio

Let's fill our glasses up
But only halfway up
Let's hear it for the bride
She had to step outside

Don't know when she'll be back
She got an urgent text
She's needed on the front
There's been a new attack

Small hands, small heart
So small there isn't any place to put the dark
Soft state, soft town
But not so soft that we can't pin them to the ground

And I stopped caring when the odds started looking pretty grim
Yeah I stopped caring when I stopped to read the warning on the lid

Yeah, I stopped trying when the dolphins went on trial
Yeah, I stopped trying when the iceman took a submachine gun
And a bible out and he forced me down the aisle

This is your weapon
This is your mission
This is your home
Should you choose to destroy it

This is your mother
This is your maker
This land is your land
Now rape, baby, rape her
Baby, rape her
Baby, rape her

Big man, big mouth
So big a rising sea can't wash it out

Big plans, big dick
Bigger than jesus who's a loser in your book

And I stopped living when the nice man said I didn't gotta
Yeah I stopped living when I found out i could outsource it
To someone game for change from making pocketbooks for prada

I stopped worrying the minute that we got a bigger army
Yeah I stopped worrying 'cause who on earth would fuck with us
We got alotta oil and we sure know how to party

And we knew (they'll know we knew)
Of course we knew (they'll know we knew)
This sick parade (this whole charade)
That's ripping through (that's ripping through)
They'll know we failed (they'll know we failed)
And bent the bell (and bent the bell)
But that's exactly why we've got to keep this all on the DL

So let's fill our glasses up
But only halfway up
Let's hear it for the band
At least what's left of them

Half of them had to go
They had another show
We've got some records and
We've got the radio

So sorry blacks and whites
So sorry reds and blues
The beatings will continue
Until morale improves

Go wave that flag around
But keep it halfway down
It's staying on its knees
Until the season's out

Star Of Wonder

(Feat. Corey Chun, Storey Littleton & Cally Mansfield)

Star of wonder in the heavens
Wonder what you want of me
Should I follow you tonight

Star of wonder
Star of wonder

I am just a lonely Sheppard
Watching from a distant hill
Why do you appear to me
Star of wonder
If you will

In the morning they'll come looking for the
Sheppard on the hill
What would make her leave her flock
For surely she must love them still
Star of wonder in the heavens
Are you just a shinning star
Or should I follow you tonight

Star of wonder
Star of wonder

Shinning bright

Straight

There is a boy in a band
Who is friends with my French
Teacher's high school friend Christian
A very nice
Gentleman

He seems to know me
But I can't remember him
Good God forgive me
I'm out of my element

And I can't seem to keep them all straight
I've forgotten which people I like
And which people I hate
And I'm waiting
For someone to shake me and say

Hey bitch
Your wish
Is my command
Just smile
And nod
We'll under...
...standing in front of the sink
I'm pretending to wink
At pretend-paparazzi who hide
In the chemicals

From every locket behind
Every curtain
Their lenses ensure that i
Look lost in thought yet
Approachable

And I can't seem to keep them all straight
I've forgotten which ones I should skip
And which ones I should take
And I'm waiting
For someone to shake me and say

Hey bitch
Don't quit
You're almost dead
Don't give up now
Make friends instead
Of getting dressed
Go home instead
Of going out
Go back
To bed

There is a voice on the phone
Who's convinced I'm alone
And I've called 'cause I'm greedy
And looking for sympathy

He seems to like me
But I can't relate
I would like to get closer
But Christ, all the time it takes

And I can't seem to keep myself straight
I've forgotten which habits to hide
And which habits to break
And I'm waiting
For someone to shake me and say

Hey bitch
Nice tits
You're broke but then
You're rich in love
You're great in bed
You'll see the world
You'll knock them dead
And all the thick books that you've read
Will count for nothing in the end

Stuck With You

(Voltaire feat. Amanda Palmer / Ooky Spooky LP)

You're a slob, it's such a bore
Your underwear strewn on the floor
And you're a packrat, most extreme
our house is full of magazines

The toilet's broke and yet I bet
His majesty ain't fixed it yet
You're one to talk, sleepyhead
And get your fat ass out of bed
Copy paste is a sin, always on the run is better
Oh but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
"Not until death may we part"
So until then I'm stuck with you

You swore that you'd be true to me
But gave me infidelity
Why should I give a tinker's cuss
She was your sister, what's the fuss

Well then, let's propose a truce
What's good for gander is good for goose
Hey now that's different, you took to bed
My favorite dog and all my friends

Oh but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
"Not until death may we part"
So until then I'm stuck with you

Oh but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
"Not until death may we part"
This is my curse, I said "I do"
Better or worse I'm stuck with you

You poked my eye, I wear a patch
I should've given you one to match
Did you forget, you got me back
You chopped my thumb off with an axe

You drowned my kittens one by one
You looked like you were having fun
You stabbed my mother in the chest
With a Korean bayonet

Oh but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
"Not until death may we part"
So until then I'm stuck with you

Oh but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
"Not until death may we part"
This is my curse, I said "I do"
Lest you die first, I'm stuck with you

And now I lie here in the grave
I pray to God my soul to save
And in the darkness of the tomb
I'm glad I'm lying next to you

And as I lay here six feet down
My body buried under ground
In this dank and dreary cold
I'm just glad I'm not alone

Oh but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
"Not until death may we part"
So until then I'm stuck with you

Oh but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
"Not until death may we part"
I'm not sad I said "I do"
I'm just glad I was stuck with you

Such great heights

(The postal service cover / Chicago 11-05-04)

I'm thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned
And i have to speculate
That god himself did make us into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay

True,
It may seem like a stretch,
But it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head
When you're away
When I am missing you to death
When
You're out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights,
'Come down now,'
They'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'Come down now,'
But we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat sounded thin upon listening
And that
Frankly will not fly
You will hear the highest highs and lowest lows
With the windows down when this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights,
'Come down now,'
They'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'Come down now,'
But we'll stay...

Surface Pressure

(Jessica Darrow cover / Feat. Jherek Bischoff & The Black Quartet)

I'm the strong one, I'm not nervous
I'm as tough as the crust of the earth is
I move mountains, I move churches
And I glow 'cause I know what my worth is
I don't ask how hard the work is
Got a rough, indestructible surface
Diamonds and platinum, I find 'em, I flatten 'em
I take what I'm handed, I break what's demanded, but

Under the surface
I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus
Under the surface
Was Hercules ever like, "Yo, I don't wanna fight Cerberus"
Under the surface
I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service
A flaw or a crack, the straw in the stack
That breaks the camel's back
What breaks the camel's back, it's

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop
Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop
Give it to your sister, your sister's older
Give her all the heavy things we can't shoulder
Who am I if I can't run with the ball
If I fall to

Pressure like a grip, grip, grip and it won't let go
Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow
Give it to your sister, your sister's stronger
See if she can hang on a little longer
Who am I if I can't carry it all
If I falter

Under the surface
I hide my nerves and it worsens, I worry something is gonna hurt us
Under the surface
The ship doesn't swerve as it heard how big the iceberg is
Under the surface
I think about my purpose, can I somehow preserve this
Line up the dominoes, a light wind blows
You try to stop it tumbling and on and on it goes

But wait, if I could shake, the crushing weight
Of expectations, would that free some room up for joy
Or relaxation or simple pleasure
Instead we measure this growing pressure
Keeps growing, keep going 'cause all we know is

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop
Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop
Give it to your sister, it doesn't hurt and
See if she can handle every family burden
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks
No mistakes, just

Pressure like a grip, grip, grip and it won't let go
Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow
Give it to your sister and never wonder
If the same pressure would've pulled you under
Who am I if I don't have what it takes
No cracks, no breaks
No mistakes, no pressure

The Chalet Lines

(Belle & Sebastian cover / Live at Queen Margaret Union, Glasgow)

He raped me in the chalet lines
The girl I shared with was away for the night
I couldn't get up for my shift today
I'll have to leave the camp now anyway
I'll go to London, there's a mate of mine I know
She'll give me a place
Full of woe and further to go

He raped me in the chalet lines
I had just said no for the final time
Although it's last month, it's like yesterday
I missed my time, I don't think I could stand
To take the test, I'm feeling sick
Fuck this, I've felt like this for a week
I'd put a knife right into his eyes
My friend can't see
She asks me why I don't
Tell the law
Oh, what's the fucking point at all

He raped me in the chalet lines
It was a party, it was going fine
With the boys from the amusement park
A few were idiots, it was a really good laugh
They kept the shows on until way after dark
I hope she'll give me a place
Full of woe and further to go
She caught the bus
"Oh, I'll go anywhere"
She caught the bus
"Oh, I'll go anywhere"
Her face was just a smear on the pane

The French Brexit song

Oh England, you broke our heart
When you first voted to depart
But before you off and pack, one thing
We want our language back

Oh England, you went your way
But for this exit you will pay
Without French letters you’ll be lost
It’s time for you to count la cost

No you can’t have joie de vivre without le français
You’ll lose yourself without our cul-de-sac
There is no fizz without champagne
Though you can gladly keep your rain
We’re taking all our French words back

No, you cannot drive a car without a chauffeur
There’s no déjà-vu without déjà vu
What’s sex without its lingerie
Piers Morgan without his toupée
We really feel miserable for you

Oh England, you’re such a fool
Did they teach you nothing at school
With politics you’ve been risqué
For Brexit is just an entrée

Yes England, this is the start
Of picking allies à la carte
Soon the whole world will turn on you
It isn’t nice, but it is true

Cause you cannot rendez-vous without le francais
So many things that you will sorely miss
Like etiquette and ambulance
Without us you don’t stand a chance
You’ll die without our life saving French kiss

Key change!

No you can’t have marriage without fiançé
Without us your soufflé will never rise
Don’t bother to RSVP
We’ve buggered off for après-ski
You didn’t get an invite, quelle surprise

Your cheeseboard will be blue without
Roquefort and camembert
When you can’t find the menu
You won't, because it isn’t there
When you smell of faint regret
Instead of fine eau de Cologne
You only have yourselves to blame
For dining all alone

No you can’t eat à la mode without le français
You’ll have to scoff it all off one big plate
Alas there will be no encore
Now that you’ve bolted your back door
For a referendum you will have to wait

And if you want our bel esprit
I’m sorry darling, c’est la vie
You should have voted stay, it is too late
Yes, you should have voted stay it is too late

The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance

(Sinéad O'Connor cover / Feat. The Righteous Babes)

This is the last day of our acquaintance
I'll meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know what your answer will be

I know you don't love me anymore
You used to hold my hand when the plane took off
Two years ago there just seemed so much more
And I don't know what happened to our love

Today's the day our friendship has been stale
And we will meet later to finalise the details
Two years ago the seed was planted
And since then you have taken me for granted

But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I'll meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know your answer already

This is the last day of our acquaintance
I'll meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know your answer already
I know your answer already
I know your answer already

The Mess Inside

(The Mountain Goats cover / I Only Listen To Mountain Goats LP)

We took a weekend, drove to Provo
The snow was white and fluffy
A weekend in Utah won't fix what's wrong with us
The gray sky was vast and real cryptic above me

And I wanted you
To love me like you used to do

We took two weeks in the Bahamas
And went out dancing every night
We tried to find the creeping sense of dread with temporal things
Most of the time I guess I felt alright

But I wanted you
To love me like you used to do

But you cannot run
And you cannot hide
From the wreck we've made of our house
From the mess inside

We went down to New Orleans
One weekend in the Spring
We looked hard for what we'd lost
It was painful to admit it, but we couldn't find a thing

And I wanted you
To love me like you used to do
I wanted you
To love me like you used to do

We went to New York City in September
We took the train out of Manhattan to the Grand Army stop
We found that bench we'd sat together on a thousand years ago
When I felt such love for you, I thought my heart was gonna pop

I wanted you
To love me like you used to do
I wanted you
To love me like you used to do

But I cannot run
And I cannot hide
From the wreck we've made of our house
From the mess inside

But I cannot run
And I cannot hide
From the wreck we've made of our house
From the mess inside

The New Game

Now we're going to play a game
That's lots of lots of fun
I learned it from my auntie
Who learned it from my uncle
My uncle has a secret job
In Washington DC
Something fancy
With the government
I hear he knows the president
First you line up in a row
And count "eeny miney moe"
There are guards
And there are prisoners
And this is how it goes

(key change!)

1,2,3
You are free
And the rest must come with me
Who are you
Are you a witch
No you are a terrorist
If you think that you aren't
You can tell us who you are
But if you are not on the list
Then you are a terrorist

And the terrorists get tortured
Even if no proof exists
Because we can't take any risks
And the terrorists get ordered
To get back in line
So we can play the game a second time

If you're just a pacifist of some kind of activist
Then you are a terrorist
Why it says so on the list
If you're a writer or artist
Or a lover facticist
Then you are a terrorist
'Cause it says so on the list
And the terrorists get tortured
Whether or not they want to play
Because they're guilty anyway
And the terrorists get murdered
Unless the terrorists insists he is not a terrorist
But we can't find you on the list
Are you a doctor or a priest
I'm a right-wing journalist
So you are a terrorist

If you're a fat capitalist
Or a neo-Nazi fascist
We can find you on the list
And you're not a terrorists

Isn't this an easy game
Anyone can play it
People of all ages
Genders, creeds and races (?)
Play it with a couple or a giant group
Entire continents can play
The rules don't change they stay the same

But once the game is done
And someone's won
There is a variation that is almost just as fun

1,2,3
Come with me
And the terrorists are free
If you lose and get left over
Then you are a sympathizer
If you are a singer-songwriter
Or a union-organizer
Bet your bottom-dollar
You will be a sympathizer
And the sympathizers must be punished
Even worse than terrorists
As an example for the kids
Sympathizers must be banished
So to find out which is which we must refer back to the list
If you're a church administrator or a corporate stockholder
Or a nuclear arms maker you are not a sympathizer
If you're not a sympathizer
Be a terrorist, okay
You have to be one or the other
Or we have no game to play

The Wesleyan Fight

The night old Wesleyan went up in flames
I grabbed my cap and gown
I joined an acapella group
Drank natural lite until I puked
Got sexually harassed by deek
Recovered and composed a Wes-Speak
Managed up a telethon
For starving fruit bats in Saigon
And then I checked my messages and mails...
And made Espresso

The night old Wesleyan went up in flames
I joined an afro-Jewish vegetable cooperative
And went to thirteen football games
I learned a phish song on the banjo
Boycotted for better mangos
Worked out on the Stairmaster for twenty hours
Sent doug bennet flowers
Raped a sex offender
Pierced my nose and changed my gender
Then I got a sandwich and a Popsicle at Wes Shop

And it's
Fight, fight, fight for old Wesleyan
Drink to happy days of fun
And all these years were a waste of time
I don't care if you burn away my life tonight
There's no way that you won

The night old Wesleyan went up in flames
I stole some neon chalk and
Scrolled a billion truisms
About post-modern Marxism
Befriended all the homeless children
Snorted meth and read the Qur'an
Wrote new age philosophy
Bought platform shoes and watched TV
Drew pictures of my childhood trauma
Showered, shaved, and took a sauna
Then I checked my messages and mails and cut my arms up (just a little bit!)

And it's
Fight, fight, fight for old Wesleyan
Now you see your world undone
And I have stayed until the bitter end
You can take your bulletin broadcast reviews and shove them up your ass
Because I won
I won
I won

I won
I won
I won

College row is burning down
It's Armageddon, Middletown
Take your refillable coffee mugs...and head for the hills

I won
I won
I won. Confess
I won, confess
I won, confess
I won, confess

Go Wes

Three Men Hanging

(Murder by Death cover)

Get on with it
Put off the fuss you chicken shit
Get on with it
Can't you see its time to quit

I seen three men hangin' from a sycamore
Their bodies were stiff as a two by four
And their heads were tilted down towards the ground

And it ain't been long since they been up there
That their bodies turned cold hangin' in that air
And they might have froze before that noose got to them

Get on with it
Put off the fuss you chicken shit
Get on with it
Can't you see its time to quit

Old scratch has dealt us a dirty hand
He had the look of a saint but the greed of a man
And his face was worn and wrinkled like a leather book

And if I put this revolver to my head
Will god turn against me instead
Of taking pity on a broken man

Get on with it
Get on with it
Get on with it
Get on with it

(Live / Muse Cover)

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
You will be the death of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

And our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this

You will suck the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

And our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this

You & Him

(John Grant feat. Amanda Palmer / Grey Tickles, Black Pressure LP)

You're so hot, I bet you hear that a lot
You're so cool, I almost wish I were you
You're so slick, it's like you're not even trying
You're so fine, but can you tell that I'm lying
You're so cute, but you remind me of somebody else
It's on the tip of my tongue, no, it's not Orson Welles
You're so ambitious, you just know you're gonna win
You're so cute, I hope they taught you how to swim

You and Hitler ought to get together
You ought to learn to knit and wear matching sweaters
You ought to learn the finer points of decoupage
You ought to spend your weekends cleaning out the garage
You and Hitler ought to tie the knot
You could do it at Taco Bell to spice up the plot
Get on the phone and call your buddy Pol Pot
You could play some Twister and watch Heavy Metal Parking Lot

You're so sweet, I really love how you hate
You seem like someone they should chemically castrate
I bet you're planning to have seventeen kids
Then two nanoseconds later you'll regret that you did because
You're not thinking, you have trouble with that
You think you're super special, but you're just a big twat
You probably went to Chernobyl for your honeymoon
You probably acted surprised when they showed you the room

You and Hitler ought to get together
You ought to learn to knit and wear matching sweaters
You ought to learn the finer points of decoupage
You ought to spend your weekends cleaning out the garage
You and Hitler ought to tie the knot
You could do it at Taco Bell to spice up the plot
Get on the phone and call your buddy Pol Pot
You could play some Twister and watch Heavy Metal Parking Lot

You and Hitler ought to get together
You ought to learn to knit and wear matching sweaters
You ought to learn the finer points of decoupage
You ought to spend your weekends cleaning out the garage
You and Hitler ought to tie the knot
You could do it at Taco Bell to spice up the plot
Get on the phone and call your buddy Pol Pot
You could play some Twister and watch Heavy Metal Parking Lot

(Who Killed Amanda Palmer - Alternate tracks LP)

Hitler and Napoleon
Fought thirty years
To have her hand

Bitter ends
Thy will be done
Disney magic
Kingdom come

After all we've won
Is this the state we are reduced to
It might make you sick at first
It takes some getting used to

Her nails are polished
But her hands are tied

You may kiss the bride

Cold
His hand
The secret show
The liver dun

And when we bomb
The foreign towns
Will she smile
Upside down

Walk her through an aisle strewn
With cigarettes and needles
In the face of this devotion
We are merely equals

Take her in your arm like cyanide
A long black car is parked outside
To take away the bride

A tisket, a tasket
A green and yellow basket
A tisket, a tasket
A green and yellow basket

Attract it, attack it
Strike first and ask it after
Attract it, attack it
Strike first and ask it after

In the ruins of this brave new world we have uncovered
Remains the vestige of the bride who stood aghast and wondered

Who'd have thought we'd lose this easy fight
It seems she's sleeping but her eyes are wide

Won't someone wake the bride

Goth!

Zombie

(The Cranberries cover / with Jherek Bischoff / Quartet For Dolores EP)

Another head hangs lowly
Child is slowly taken
And the violence caused such silence
Who are we mistaken

But you see, it's not me, it's not my family
In your head, in your head they are fighting
With their tanks and their bombs
And their bombs and their guns
In your head, in your head, they are crying

In your head, in your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie
What's in your head
In your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie

Another mother's breaking
Heart is taking over
When the violence causes silence
We must be mistaken

It's the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen
In your head, in your head they're still fighting
With their tanks and their bombs
And their bombs and their guns
In your head, in your head, they are dying

In your head, in your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie
What's in your head
In your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie

In your head, in your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie
What's in your head
In your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie