B i o g r a p h y (by official press)
To Oregon songwriter Haley Heynderickx, a seed represents incubation and the process of navigating the darkest, deepest parts of ourselves before becoming realized. It is a process of turning inward, listening and noticing, and trusting one can create something honest and true despite all the constant noise around us—whether that’s the news, social media, or our own self-doubt. Where Heynderickx’s debut album I Need to Start a Garden was about self-actualization and the excavation of the soul, her new album Seed of a Seed is now about protecting it. Heynderickx’s answer is by going inwards, requiring a brave solitude, while also acknowledging that it’s not done alone. This album nods to the necessary helpers along the way—from flowers (“Gemini”) and daydreams (“Foxglove”) to forests (“Redwoods (Anxious God)”) and friends (“Jerry's Song”). Seed of a Seed is an album that honors these helpers – and the self – and the process of fighting upward toward the light. The album’s opening track “Gemini” thrums like a warning that every excuse you might make—to not stay with a feeling, to not make room for it—will not hold. It tears through vignettes of the often exhausting dual-life of a heavily touring artist, while her former self chases her, and shames her, for ignoring her. The past confronts the present, two cowboys ready to duel. Finally, the woman takes control, and forces Heynderickx to stop and pull over “just to stare at purple clover off the highway / And see the clover as a gift / A gift I almost missed / You know I finally begin to feel better.” And with that, the drums kick in, the album gives way—or rather—gives into itself, and everything rushes in. On Seed of a Seed, Heynderickx’s signature intricate finger-picking is hemmed into a lush, living tapestry created with producer Andrew Stonestreet and what she calls her “core jazz boy band”: Daniel Rossi on drums, Denzel Mendoza on trombone, and Matthew Holmes on electric and upright bass. It’s a group she first worked in hopes of exploring her songs with a wider freedom of expression. Later, they added electric guitarist William Seiji Marsh and cellist Caleigh Drane to lift the melodies even higher. The result is a complex forest of sound, and if you imagine all the instruments as the layered leaves, Heynderickx’s voice is the light filtering through them—gentle, tender, and clear. Seed of a Seed also explores how distant we can feel from nature and ourselves in a world of technology, overconsumption, and consumerism. In “Mouth of a Flower”, Heynderickx sings about the fish-eat-fish world we live in and the human tendency to “take, take, take.” In “Redwoods (Anxious God)”, she longs to hear the Redwoods and to sing with the birds, but “now the only man here’s cellphone ring ring rings.” We are not just drowning out our own voices, but the important voices of those around us. And even if we were to sing for ourselves, how do we find room and space for it? In “Jerry’s Song”, Heynderickx wonders, “Were we troubadours / Stuck in traffic?”, while the album asks, “How do we create in a congested, noisy world?”. This album doesn’t give you easy answers. Heynderickx’s journey is not a linear one. A theme that persists across both albums is that Heynderickx is still building herself. She is still growing and changing, and her songs invite us to notice that in ourselves, as well. She admits, "The irony is I'll still be asking these questions; I'm not on the other side of it." Seed of a Seed is almost like a note-to-self to move on her timeline, at her own pace, and to surface only when she’s ready and rested. That is, it’s both a reminder and a permission slip to go away in order to return. In album closer “Swoop”, Heynderickx repeats twice, “There’s an artistry to going away.” Where the record began with a pulsing urgency, “Swoop” finds Heynderickx in a more steady landscape—having finally found her voice again—where her former and present selves are more at peace. It is the peace of sunlight warming her hands, the vibrating air of a hummingbird flitting just out of sight. It is a seed—a purple clover—sprouting out of the loamy soil, not in a garden, but from within a whole forest.
I Need To Start A Garden No Face Face me Face me entirely Tell me Tell me what's wrong here Is it the bridge of my nose Or the backs of my skin Is it the pull of my hips That you couldn't let in Is it the bridge between worlds That makes you feel alone Well I wish that I had known You're alone Well I wish that I had known Is it the bridge of my hair Or the back of my skin Is it the weight in the room That you couldn't hold in Is it the bridge between worlds That makes you feel alone Well I wish that I had The Bug Collector And there's a centipede Naked in your bedroom Oh, and you swear to God The fucker's out to get you And I digress 'Cause I must make you the perfect morning I try my best To scoop the slugger out the window And there's a praying mantis Prancing on your bathtub And you swear it's a priest From a past life out to getcha And I digress 'Cause I must make you the perfect evening I try my best To put the priest inside a jam jar And there's a millipede Angry on your carpet Oh, and I must admit He's staring with a vengeance Oh, and I digress 'Cause I must make you the perfect morning And I try my best To prove that nothing's out to get you To prove that nothing's out to get you Jo Joan You are alone Your kindness The sweetest that I've ever known Like honeycomb Holding the bee in the folds Be good Be good or be gone Oh I slept like a baby With you in my arms Oh I slept like a baby With you in my arms Out of harm Be well Bring our upsells And you tended your garden Like heaven and hell And you built the birds' houses To see if it helped at all And be known Lover of song And I still watch the fig tree You planted all grow And it's fruit is the sweetest That I've ever known Like honeycomb Holding the bee in the folds Like honeycomb Holding the bee in the folds Like honeycomb Holding the bee in the folds Worth It Everyone is ready for their outline Everyone is ready for their call Maybe I, maybe I've been selfish for these sounds Finally I'm ready for the silence Finally I'm out of this cloud Maybe I, maybe I've been selfish all along I guess you should know that That I don't need you there But I need you sometimes But not all the time, no I need you there I need you there So you're waiting on the coastline Waiting for the right sign Waiting for the opportunity to hit you right So put me in a line Add another line Soon you'll have a box And you can put me inside Put me in a box, boy Put me in a box Put me in a box and call me anything you want, boy Put me in a line, boy Put me in a line Put me in a morning and put my feelings into life Put me in a box, boy Put me in a box Put me in a box and call me anything you want, boy Put me in a line, boy Put me in a line Put me in a morning and put my feelings into life And anything goes Anything you want And anything goes Anything you want, you want, you want, you want Everyone is ready for their outline Everyone is ready for their call Maybe I, maybe I've been selfish all along Finally I'm ready for the silence Finally I'm ready for nothing Maybe I, maybe I've been selfish Maybe I, maybe I've been selfless Maybe I, maybe I've been worthless Maybe I, maybe I've been worth it Maybe I, maybe I've been worth it Maybe I, maybe I've been worth it Maybe I, maybe I've been worth it Show You A Body I am letting you go I am letting you go I am letting you go awry It was more than a race More than the wind Chasing the flood You opened the gate And fate is a sundress Ripped at the thigh Thigh high and safety net Swarmed by the hornets' nest To cover my eyes It was more a mirage In sickness and health I showed you a body Like a cluttered garage I am humbled by breaking down I am humbled by breaking down I am humbled by breaking down I am humbled by breaking down Humbled by breaking down Humbled by breaking down I am humbled by breaking down I am humbled by breaking down I am humbled by breaking down I am humbled by breaking down Humbled by breaking down Humbled by breaking down Untitled God Song And maybe my God Has a trot in her walk And her coach bags are knock-off Her shoes are all dressed up And she spins me around like a marionette Oh my web is still spinning My web is still spinning My web is still spinning You can't see it yet Or maybe my God Has thick hips and big lips And the buttons she's pressing She speaks every language Shift A, right B, Nintendo 63 On her video, baby The game she's been changing When you're drunk near a sunset Look straight in her eyes She's a quick glimpse of heaven Forgetting her headlights are on When you misread her fortune Don't misread the joke She's the note on your lampshade The honeycomb holding you And she spins me around like a marionette Oh my web is still spinning My web is still spinning My web is still spinning You can't see it yet Oom Sha La La The milk is sour I've barely been to college And I've been doubtful Of all that I have dreamed of The brink of my existence essentially is a comedy The gap in my teeth and all that I can cling to The milk is sour Sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la The milk is sour With olives on my thumbs And all that I have stuck to and all that I have clung to I've felt like a dog This world that I have trusted Is bent over and busted and rusted by an arbitrary sonogram Sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la The milk is sour With olives on my thumbs And I've been doubtful Of all that I have dreamed of The brink of my existence essentially is a comedy The gap in my teeth and all that I can cling to The milk is sour Sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la If you don't go outside Well nothing's gonna happen She'll never write her number on a crumpled up napkin She'll never be your ego She'll never be a bandit She'll never get to eat you like your heart's a pomegranate I'm throwing out the milk The olives got old I'm tired of my mind getting heavy with mold I need to start a garden I need to start a garden I need to start a garden I need to start a garden! Gonna start a garden in my backyard I'm gonna start a garden in my backyard 'Cause making this song up is just as hard 'Cause making this song up is just as hard Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la Oom sha la la Oom oom sha la la Sha la la Sha la la Sha la la Sha la Drinking Song There's a light at the end that I know Where culprits on carpets make sense of it all And the sky is all indigo And the young ones just want to go home And the edge of the world makes it seem That everyone gone is still singing the same song And I can believe in these things; That everyone's singing along The good and the bad and the gone And there's a light at the end of a dock Sending green little postcards to a city I love so much And the water makes sense of her laugh And wrinkles the backs of my hands There's a light at the end where I smoke And your name puffs in colors with people I know The song that was stuck in her head Becomes all the words you forget And everyone is singing along The good and the bad and the gone
Among Horses III Slow Talkin' Don't be twistin' your inhibition Don't go drop kick your intuition You got a notebook, you got a mission And your voice is getting low Are you pleasin' or just teasin' Are you slow walkin' through a season But the connotations kinda leaving And nothing's gone to show If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy, you're gonna have to go If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy, you're gonna have to go And how the heart drops like a car stops but you left your headlights on And the blinkers on for maybe ten stops as you make your way through town People are puzzles, people are planets Sometimes you get them, sometimes you can't handle it The back sides of two negative magnets And maybe to the ground You know you have to go Cause if you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy You're gonna have to go If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy, you're gonna have to go Was it the glory days or just a heat wave You got a promise land made of quick sand You got a slow dancin' praying mantis Stuck inside this jar Staring at the wall And you knows he has to go Cause if you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy, you're gonna have to go If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy If you wanna make 'em happy, you're gonna have to go Go... Francis Driving through the darkness Hungover and carsick Broken-hearted boy Yeah that's how it started With the dead Asking why you don't confess Father Saint Francis Your daddy's in a casket You hear it in the wind But you don't want to ask yet You see it in her mouth You see it in her hands You know you got a secret that she'll never understand And the ghosts Say what you already know Yeah you had a place in the kingdom kid Yeah the pretty people are so easy to forgive But there's something on your skin that you can't get clean There's a fawn in the fence that you can't get free So you're asking everybody who they think they really are And you feel a little better till the sky goes dark And the ghosts Yeah but you already know Yeah but you already know Yeah you got nowhere to go Yeah but you already know Mother Born in the east, raised by the west Torn in between cultural dressings Both may feel right, but neither feels whole Mother, I'm torn between two different homes Land filled with pears, and apricot hues The lands filled with mangoes and papayas blooming Each land of women filled with rich story Mother, I'm stuck between two different mornings And how dissonant are each of these bridges And how resonant are each of these feelings though If neither feels right and neither feels wrong Mother, my children will speak in different tongues Mother, I'm shy I can't speak your tongue Mother, don't cry I've been trying again Trying to be bold as you were before me I'm leaving the west, I'm going alone Little Wind I might go to Spain Sleep out with the dogs Find some empty castle Put my jacket on a cross The mice are in the fields And the ghosts are in the towers Little wind, I'm with you in the roadside flowers I might go to town And drink myself away Find some singing bird And try to step inside her cage I might go to waste And I might be a coward Little wind, I'm with you in the roadside flowers And I wish that I had stayed In that river house with you Pulled away the weeds And let the wild roses bloom But all the hanging plums One day will go sour Little wind I'm with you in the roadside flowers Don't you want to fly with the highland birds Don't you want to play in the Catalan dirt Maybe it's my fault Or maybe it's my power Little wind I'm with you in the roadside flowers The Park It took hold of me I saw a grown man crying I ricocheted the difference as a stranger kindly watching From a park bench across the street And it took hold of me I wonder what this man is borrowing Has he unlocked the pattern from that well that he's been drawing from As he dips the shadows unto his feet? And it took hold of me Was someone planting him a garden? Was her hair as long as the streams within a fountain Pouring light Into a home he could not keep Oh how nice to see a pattern broken When I've never even seen my father weep So it took hold of me Was someone planting him a daughter Was her life as strong as the river pushing water from the sides And gently out to sea And it took hold of me I offer cigarette and lighter I know it isn't much but if it makes spirits feel higher We push the smoke out into the street Into the street Into the street Crow Song I saw the scatterlight streaming Down through the century trees Bloodfern and juniper Sweeteye and shattercane weeds I saw the cloud from the cabin Slate rock and teeming with storm Carrion bird caught in the hearth And killed by collision with door Feathers all over the floor I'll be home where I go I'll be home wherever I go I'll be home where I go someday Buckshot rang out in the distance Over and over again River the moon shiver I saw my sister jump in And I saw my brother in Dallas Quietly drunk every day Gentle and kind and lost in his mind And surprised when his wife went away And I saw the killers in costume And I saw their satellites burn And I saw them measure their money In whether they look like the people they hurt Maybe that's just who we were I'll be home where I go I'll be home wherever I go I'll be home where I go someday I wake up staggering lonely Birdsong and particle air Her letter in my jacket I carry myself down the stairs Lena she treated me easy She found me wherever I was Bloodfern and juniper Sweeteye and shattercane That never felt like enough That never felt like enough I'll be home where I go I'll be home wherever I go I'll be home where I go someday I'll be home where I go I'll be home wherever I go I'll be home where I go someday Ragweed Are you out west in a red jeep Lying wide awake in the back seat Are you getting better do you wanna be Sorry I couldn't see anything Ragweed bare feet friend of mine bend the reeds Tell me what you found funny underneath everything Singing free falling to the cows in ellery Asking summer people stupid questions where'd you get your jeans Featherwind coming in annalise imogen Wondering what she said what she meant what she did Are we really here forever Filaree field of heather Are we getting any better Are you are you are you in the weeds Are you in the weeds Are the walls in the way Knock them over patti cake I've been here a real long time Are you still working at the catseye All night flicker light make your money kind of season Say it like you mean it like you need it Are you using are you dreaming Are you air are you breathing Are you fog are you feeling Are you bored am I preaching See the sun over us See the world burning up It's a story little dove Waterfowl in the cut Are you giving up foxglove Larkspur buttercup Are you what you're running from Are you are you are you in the weeds Are you in the weeds Are you are you in the weeds Are you in the weeds Way down by the Great Lakes In the weather we know We were reading litter out loud Father of the wind Mother of the ground Somewhere in another life Warm air all night We were getting drunk at the catseye Father of the shore Mother of the sky on high On clotheslines Fireflies summer sheets High low hyacinth bulrush cinnamon Buck shot tree rot blood hound come in hot You coronate the creatures you can see and take a knee in awe Ragmaw hoof to haw call it god if you want We were holding onto something no one ever understood Call it ours call it good Truth and beauty all we could If you're really laughing then you're crying that's the way it goes Animals skin and bones all together all alone Are you sweet chicory Falling rain feeder seed Are the geese still asleep at your feet Are you in the weeds How Does The Horse Go Home How does the horse go home? I saw your letter on the porch How does the horse row along? I heard our record in the park Half-sentimental decade of longing Singing each person we thought we could be Tippy-toeing past all our wrongings In some plight of a harmony When will the wind be worn? I heard your echo in the park Now that my horse got home Forgot we'd written in the bark Separation slips like a sundial Meanwhile the shadow of past is a plain I remember writing songs across you watching The horses all ride away Now that my horse got home I read your letter on the porch Now that the crow don't crow I held that letter to my heart I held your letter to my heart
Seed of a Seed Gemini There’s a woman in the corner claiming she is just the former one of me And I am here just out of context And this weight that I’ve been leaning and the persons I’m deceiving And the food that I’ve been eating says I’m processed And I can lack communication I can lack coordination Inside my awkward occupations like a fortress And then she spits unto the ground She says we’ll all just figure out If she is me If I am her It’s just a process And all the texts that I’ve avoided All the persons I’ve annoyed With all my flighty conversations Out of contest And the car keys I have locked inside The dishes I have dropped beside The useless things I’ve bought for someone’s profit And there’s a woman in the corner Claiming she is just the former one of me And I am her just out of context And then she kissed me on the mouth She said we’ll all just figure out if she is me If I am her It’s just a process And when I’ve gone too long without her And I’m alone and I’m addicted to my phone She cuts the cord she pulls the power And makes me sit with my baggage All the haggard things I didn’t want to feel She peels me back like I’m her cabbage And there’s a woman in the corner Who makes me pull the fuck over Just to stare at purple clover off the highway And see the clover as a gift A gift I almost missed You know I finally begin to feel better Time you know Has its stones You were a boulder then You’re in my pocket now Time you know Has its stones You were a ghost back then I can see you now I can honor you now Foxglove Tell me truly what is your dream Tell me truly, is it the city life When I take a foxglove And I twirl it all around And I feel next to you On the fair ground Oh daydream die slow Oh daydream die slow We grow tired over the days We grow tired over and overthinking When I take a foxglove And I twirl it all around And I feel next to you On the bare ground Oh daydream die slow Oh daydream die slow Oh daydream die slow Die slow Die slow Die slow Seed of a Seed If we don't know better If we don't know better Well, did my parents know better No, but they tried Cause we all need A sense of lore sometimes Like I need A silent mind In a consumer flood And if I'm lucky Maybe a glass of wine And if I'm lucky Maybe a hand next to mine No If we don't know Better, no, will we try If I get lucky Maybe a simple life If I get lucky Maybe some free time No If we don't know better If we don't know better Well, did my parents' parents know better better No, but they tried Mouth of a Flower The mouth of a flower The hummingbird waits Guarding his morsel As he takes and he takes and he takes The muscle underwater The seagulls split The tide running after Cause it takes and it takes and it takes And we take and we take And we take and we take take take The huckleberry climber The soul of a log Climbing the church walls To the golden core And the worry of a mother The creaking of a gate Do ghosts get hungry Cause they take and they take and they take And we take and we take And we take and we take take take And the life of a father King Solomon unlived Lived out through his daughter To the golden core The muscle underwater The algae in bloom And what more could he offer What more to do The mouth of a flower The hummingbird waits Guarding her morsel As she takes and she takes and she takes And we take and we take and we take And we take and we take and we take And we take and we take and we take And we take and we take take take Spit in the Sink Something’s telling me you can’t be alone While Bobby’s kicking around his rolling stone Spit in the sink defines our lovers Better than me to decide what’s better Cause everyone around me is getting tired And everyone around me is trying to write Spit in the sink defines our lovers Better than me to decide what’s better Redwoods (Anxious God) My god, my ancient god Well, I couldn’t believe what the water had told me That man and plant had used to talk Man, I’d do anything to hear the Redwoods talk And my god, my ancient God Well, I couldn’t believe what the walnut tree and nettle leaf told me That man and bird had used to sing Well, now the only man here’s cell phone ring ring rings Hands on hips Hummingbird clicks of Louis Just trying to relay “Can a soul be saved By just moving to the forest with no skillset” Well, not yet But my god, my ancient god Well, I couldn’t believe what the pebble in the little brown stream had told me That humankind is getting lost Not even little bugs want to talk with us, us, us Hands on hips Hummingbird clicks of Louis Just trying to relay “Can a soul be saved By just moving to the forest with no skillset” I wanna bet you Cause my god, my ancient God Well, I couldn’t believe what the day had shown me But you dragged me home before it got dark Man, I’d do anything to hear the Redwoods talk Ayan's Song Step inside the edge of my car Open the door, there is the hallway And when you step inside, no one will catch you Open the blinds, no one’s around you But oh how sweet is the daylight When no one is around You take the soft road And you face the world like Someone is asking you to grow But oh how sweet is the daylight When no one is around You take the soft road And you face the world like Someone is asking you to grow Sorry Fahey You don’t even notice Maybe to be an adult To know your body keeps score Is when you start to appreciate Start to really appreciate Your old bed Your old couch Your old black cat Whose an asshole Your own waistline The ol’ coastline And the kettle Making you tea Ginger You don’t mind it Maybe you never find it But then Sometimes, somewhere It starts to make sense Maybe to be an adult To know your body keeps score Is when you start to appreciate Start to really appreciate That you could call your Pa Or a friend And not bail on The thing next Tuesday Cause it’s a new day It’s an offering It’s a kettle Making you tea Ginger Jerry's Song You are true blue You’re the sweet dew And you're the gifts that your mother had wished of you And you stand as the only man to laugh at Poseidon You are limestone I am clay I’ll break you down far more though either way And now we stand on the finest sands On the coast of Ireland Where I’d watch you die again Die again, die again, die again Were we troubadours Stuck in traffic Twenty-one thousand miles we put in the basket And to drive across divided America while still splitting a sandwich You are limestone I am clay I’ll break you down far more though either way From the ghost of Montreal And the murderer in Belfast We’d watch the wave crest And dry again, try again, try again Swoop Once Once that the chain it has broke It rises and falls Brave Brave was the girl who moved from Hong Kong For her voice was returning The mind begins burning to know What’s beyond today Cause there’s an artistry to going away Plump Plump was the child she would grow And a know-it-all it’s true Strange Strange from the times we would know As the cell phone Well, don’t tempt me with longing Don’t tempt me with marketing I won’t buy it today Cause there’s an artistry in the day to day to day to day Swoop Swoop go the swallows above My grandmother’s grave Sweet Sweet is the peace that I feel In the North Plains For the soil is returning My mind begins burning to know what’s beyond today Is there an artistry to feeling this way Is there an artistry in the day to day to day to day And there’s an artistry to going away
NON ALBUMS TRACKS Big Ol' Miyazaki Tears (Live) If you were clay and I am silt I'm built on weak deposits as the ocean fills me Push and pull the break of the dawn If only I could hold it in a small clay pot And solitude they treat you well Until they burn you down And the dreaded voices tell you All your faults in small clay pots I've dropped them all around you as picked them up And hold my hand And hold my hand And hold my hand And hold my hand It's back it's back the demons on my back You knock them off so gently like they're bowling pins or cobwebs It's fine it's fine You whispered instead and held my hands so gently I could lengthen out my loneliness And hold my hand And hold my hand And hold my hand And hold my hand And I wish that I had known I wish that I had seen Wish that I had known how much you'd done for me And I wish that I had noticed Wish that I had noticed I wish that I had known how much you'd done for me And hold my hand And hold my hand You hold my hand You hold my hand If you were clay and I am silt I'm built on weak deposits as the ocean fills me Push and pull the break of the dawn If only I could hold it in a small clay pot
Blue Mountains (Peter Doran Featuring Haley Heynderickx) I never been to the Blue Mountains but I’ve been there in a song Never have I loved like this one – it just keeps rolling on And I never been hit by lightning but I know that life is long I never been to the Blue Mountains but I’ve been there in a song And I see the wine and the fire in you I see the mountains blue And I never killed a man and I never robbed a train Never had a deep thought when I’m walking in the rain And I never lit a holy candle and wished my life would change I never wished for anything outside this mountain range And I see the wine and the fire in you I see the mountains blue I see us in a cabin underneath the stars Far away from time love but close to who we are Nobody can find us – they don’t know where to start We’re lost in Blue Mountains under golden stars Golden stars And I see the wine and the fire in you And your heart’s a mountain too And I see the fire in me and you And in our eyes the mountains blue Construction At 8AM (Live) Sentimental mornings as you Crawl outside your cave All the world around you's looking pale And I hope you don't hold virtue That the world is out to get you If your street's just getting paved And your attitude will constitute The pants over your legs And all the laws are drawn out just to fix you So I don't quite mind If it is sappy To ask how you are doing If you don't mind not lying Naked and a nuisance You still lie inside your bed Wondering what the world outside is wondering about And I hope you don't hold virtue That the world is out to get you That the world is out to get you That the world is out to get you That the world is out to get you That the world is out to get you While the men in hats get paid The world isn't out to get you The world isn't out to get you The world isn't out to get you While the men in hats get paid In orange hats get paid First I'm Sorry (Fish Eyes EP) You had me first And traced my lips I'm sorry You held me from the dirt You had me first I'm sorry You are not my shelf To hold up my old self I'm sorry You need something else I am not myself I'm sorry Mother knows I drown in my lies Father knows I learned my lessons the second time Ask me where I'll go I'll say I do not know No I do not know No I do not know But you drowned in my waves And I can tell that you are hurt Please know I loved you first Please know I loved you But you are not my shelf To hold up my old self I'm sorry You need something else I am not my self I'm sorry Mother knows I drown in my lies Father knows I learned my lessons the second time Ask me where I'll go I'll say I do not know No I do not know No I do not know Fish Eyes (Fish Eyes EP) Sailor eyes On my tongue Who is above you Oh I don't know Fill me with Your breath again Rebuild me again Am I down in the river bed this time Picking fishheads and eating out their eyes Am I down in the dust So am I done Or is my body Breaking up with me Am I down in the river bed this time Picking fishheads and eating out their eyes Am I down in the dust Am I down in the river bed this time Picking fishheads and eating out their eyes Am I down in the dust
Melanin How did we get this far How did we get this far Melanin, spoiled Blackberry curls And my eyes burn Remembering the Earth is a blood-soaked soil
One By One (Connie Converse Cover / Live) We go walking in the dark We go walking out at night ut it's not as lovers go Two by two, to and fro But it's one by one One by one in the dark We go walking out at night As we wander through the grass We can hear each other pass But we're far apart Far apart in the dark We go walking out at night With the grass so dark and tall We are lost past recall If the moon is down And the moon is down We are walking in the dark If I had your hand in mine I could shine I could shine like the morning sun Like the morning sun Like the morning sun Like the sun Ride A Pack Of Bees Look at me I'm somewhere close to flying Limbs so light I could ride a pack of bees Oh my stomach so tight I could make a rope and climb it Limbs so light I could ride a pack of bees Someone told me I'm bad at trying Reading my looks through a little magazine Oh my mind is a milkshake dripping in cream Ego gets bruised like a broken nectarine Lay me down I'm not too scared of dying Won't my friends be so envious of me As the strength in my hands feel like broken rubber bands Victory sticks like the tongue up to your teeth To your teeth To your teeth To your teeth Look at me I'm somewhere close to flying Limbs so light I could ride a pack of bees Oh my stomach so tight I could make a rope and climb it Limbs so light I could ride a pack of bees Lay me down I'm not too scared of dying Won't my friends be so envious of me As the strength in my hands feel like broken rubber bands Victory sticks like the tongue up to your teeth Lay me down I'm not too scared of dying Won't my friends be so envious of me As my stomach's so tight Stomach so tight Stomach so tight I could make the rope and climb it Limbs so light Limbs so light Limbs so light I could ride a pack of bees Sane (Fish Eyes EP) Why am I frightened if it's all just a game Why am I frightened if it's all just a game But the look in your eyes Oh the look in your eyes Oh the look in your eyes kept me sane Why am I childish, oh why can't I make sense If everything's certain, well I'm certainly offended But the look in your eyes Oh the look in your eyes Oh the look in your eyes kept me sane And the fault of the gods was letting you out and Building the bridge with the backs of your eyelids You never complain Never complain You never complain, and the look in your eyes kept me sane And the fault of the gods was letting you out and Building the bridge with the backs of your eyelids You never complain Never complain You never complain, and the look in your eyes kept me sane
Thoughts of an Anxious Twenty-Something I swear I’m grown But I’m still naked in a-a towel throne Two o’clock in the afternoon Two o’clock in the afternoon I pay my rent And I like to pray with both my-my elbows bent At Two o’clock in the afternoon Two o’clock in the afternoon But I know what anxious smells like And it smells like peppermint this time I know anxiety smells like, it smells like peppermint It smells like peppermint this time And I’ve got a job, where I can sit and just twiddle my thumbs And stare at the clock in the afternoon And stare at the clock in the afternoon I swear I’ve learned, I don’t take pictures of myself anymore My camera's in my living room My camera's in my living room I know what anxious smells like And it smells like peppermint this time I know anxiety smells, it smells like peppermint It smells like peppermint this time I’m tired, I know But I’m way too young to be feeling this slow, slow I’m tired, I know But I’m way too young to be feeling this slow, slow, slow, slow But I know what anxious smells like 'Cause it smells like peppermint this time I know anxiety smells like And it smells like peppermint It smells like peppermint It smells like peppermint this time
Tired of Being Quiet We don't talk about the distance We don't talk about the hunger Perhaps since we don't talk they cannot tell we're going under Perhaps we've been too fearful of not doing what we're told Oh, it's easy being quiet but it ain't easy being alone In a land where I'm a stranger Is a land where I am numb I cross the streets in shadows to hope the whole world won't find out That my rights are still translucent, like a sharp wind in the cold Oh, it's easy being quiet but it ain't easy being alone I learned that poverty is normal I learned the language hurts my tongue I learned that jobs are scarce like cutlery is sharp as hunger to my stomach My bravery is still nameless, an expressionless expression Oh, it's easy being quiet but it won't leave much room for questions When can we learn to live forgiveness When can my brothers know their names Will we ever find the balance of sharing land in the same place I feel the new world slowly bloomin' as the old one starts to mold Oh, it's easy being quiet but it ain't easy being alone So go tell your friends and mothers Tell them you are done The war's gone long without us using the ammo of our tongues I see justice in each pea pod and every hand that's gone to feed it 'Cause I'm tired of being quiet 'Cause I'm tired of being quiet I'm so tired of being quiet And the soul is not defeated Untitled Lust Song I can’t promise not to hold you When you lay across me like you used to Though we both agree we’re only talking We’re in the dark, in the dark, ooh hoo Well it’s a promise It’s their fingers on display When my body’s a statue but my arms are clay And they just want to wrap around your waist in certain ways But I can’t and I won’t It’s just feelings on display In the dark, in the dark
Untitled Song 1 (Live @ Lunch Concert, Portland State Live Music Series, 2015-10-16) ...about this Let's say we did everything right But your figures and fronts I've always loved 'em Tangled and raveled like mice Let's say we're not destined with confession Let's say there's no truth in the reeds But I'm feeling we swept And the carpet's so dense Protruded like an elephant's teeth 'Cause I need to make space to find rest Yes, I need to make space to make sense The sun and the moon as my heirloom cocoon No, I need to make sense to find rest So let's say you're the best thing about this Let's say we did everything right But your figures and fronts I've always loved 'em Tangled and raveled like mice Untitled Song 2 (Live @ Lunch Concert, Portland State Live Music Series, 2015-10-16) You made a promise to love her and never let go You made a promise to love her and never let go But eternity is a long time to keep your head up Eternity is a long time to keep your head up Have you awoken the stranger asleep in your bed Have you awoken the stranger asleep in your bed They're not the person you'd thought you had made in your head They're not the person you'd thought you had made in your head There's nothing to say I'm there hopeless wandering your room I'm there hopeless wander Hopeless Hopeless, wander Hopeless